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Parasocial Pronouns

Ways of saying "you" to online acquaintances
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This is possibly a bit outdated, and it's not about third person pronouns for once.

My nephew is about to marry someone whose pronouns are entirely obscure to me, not because of her gender but because in her native language there are eleven words for "you" in the singular, but not one which captures my relationship with her, so I can call her anything I like in the third person (i.e. she/her - I don't think her first language has gendered pronouns) but have no idea how to talk to her directly because there's no word for "you" when the addressee is one's fraternal nephew's partner in her language.

We have it easier here in Europe because on the whole we have familiar and polite singular and plural second person pronouns, but nowadays we have parasocial relationships as well as familiar and respectful ones, and these are often neither of the above. So what do you call someone you've only met online:

* but know really well

* but don't know well

* and are meeting face to face for the first time but didn't know well beforehand

* and are meeting face to face for the first time but knew well beforehand

* any of the above with someone you're meeting in any form for the first time

* any of the above with someone you know well face to face

* Two or more of any of these in the same combination

* Two or more of any of these in different combinations

?

By my count I think this is three dozen pronouns, but I may be miscounting.

BUT WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?!?!?!

I don't know what to do here. Not a problem in English because of our weedy little pronoun system with only one word for "you".

Dunno.

nineteenthly, Jun 07 2025

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       My suggestion is that you use "you" when addressing her in English.   

       Daring, I know. But someone has to make a stand for what is right.
pocmloc, Jun 07 2025
  

       That's what I do, but I like an excuse to learn a new language and she presents one.   

       Also, isn't "you" a bit inadequate in general?
nineteenthly, Jun 07 2025
  

       You could always go archaic and use "you" for formal interactions, and "thee / thou" for informal or intimate interactions.   

       You could ask her, is a fraternal nephew's partner close and familiar enough to address as "thee"?
pocmloc, Jun 07 2025
  

       //BUT WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?!?!?!//   

       Apparently "maybe" is what you should call someone if you've only just met them, and this is crazy, but they've given you their number.
pertinax, Jun 08 2025
  

       Um... which language?   

       It matters.   

       In Japanese, there are a large number of second-person pronouns, with a lot of ambiguity in how they are to be used. The variety of situations, particularly with respect to age-based differences, has combined with on-line interactions in such a way as to make new usage patterns surface and old ones become obsolete with great rapidity. I haven't been there for forty years now, and the way I see people address each other on-line is absolutely shocking to my Showa-era way of thinking. I think this problem might arise with other languages as means of communication change the way we socialize. So, besides just finding advice on correct modes of address, make sure it's up-to-date.
lurch, Jun 08 2025
  
      
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