Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Parrot Torture Trolleys

have bird, will shop
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Each Supermarket Parrot Torture Trolley has a cage attached to it, which contains a trained parrot. As you pick up items, the bird makes comments.

Some of these are funny, some are helpful, like consumer advice, some are just nasty or stupid.
Examples: "He's stealing stuff!"
"Put that back, ya fat nelly"
"Sarah Palin likes those"
"Who's got a smelly bum today?"
"Don't buy Cadburys, they're made by Kmart now"

These birds like this type of work and they have learned that being good at their jobs earns them extra treats. Shoppers like them too, as they are clever and amusing, and make shopping become an adventure, as you can never be sure what's going to be said next.

The trolleys, complete with birds are carefully maintained, stored, and managed properly, which brings its own advantages. All birds do shifts, and stay in a luxury aviary when they are off duty.

xenzag, Jun 29 2010

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       Could the parrot also be trained to peck passing children ?   

       Would there be a "Hungry Golden Eagle" option ?
8th of 7, Jun 29 2010
  

       No doubt. Other animals always under consideration. ie The interfering monkey - but only parrots can talk.
xenzag, Jun 29 2010
  

       A Trolley Polly?
Jinbish, Jun 29 2010
  

       // only parrots can talk //   

       Actually, parrots can't "talk" per se; they are skilled mimics, as are mynah birds and many other corvids.
8th of 7, Jun 29 2010
  

       sp: Kraft - the flat-boat subsidiary of Kmart.
zen_tom, Jun 29 2010
  

       This involves less parrot torturing than one might have hoped for.   

       Also, who cleans up the parrot crap?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 29 2010
  

       The editors of Hansard.
8th of 7, Jun 29 2010
  

       I love this.
blissmiss, Jun 30 2010
  

       //Actually, parrots can't "talk" per se; they are skilled mimics ...//   

       But nothing beats the lyrebird
simonj, Jun 30 2010
  

       I wonder if parrots are toothsome. I feel certain that after just a brief exposure to to the Parrot Torture Trolley I would be very keen to add a few parrot breasts, wings and thighs to my weekly shopping. A little salt, some pepper, perhaps a bed of plantains?
jurist, Jun 30 2010
  

       Apparently you've never seen a BBP (Bermuda Barbecued Parrot) franchise, where the smiling likeness of its founder, Major Arlen Flanders (no relation to Ned), is plastered all across everything from the street signage to the toilet paper.   

       Their slogan? "It tastes like chicken!"
Canuck, Jun 30 2010
  

       Can we get fries with that ?
8th of 7, Jun 30 2010
  

       Yes, but just a pair.
Canuck, Jun 30 2010
  

       My parrots are not for eating! These parrots are smarter than the average person, especially those dumb enough to push around a shopping cart containing a bird that makes snide remarks.
xenzag, Jun 30 2010
  

       Might be fun every now and then. Throw a monkey and a few surrogate children in the mix for a real show. Add it to the whole "make shopping torturous via extreme advertising" (can't remember the title right now), and you gotta winner.
daseva, Jun 30 2010
  

       What if the parrot you get turns out to be a Norwegian Blue ? Mind you, they do have beautiful plumage ...
8th of 7, Jun 30 2010
  

       Despite the lame remark directed at me by the author, that suggests I'm a twit, I still love this. I think it would make shopping so much more entertaining. Just for fun.
blissmiss, Jul 01 2010
  

       I don't know. I got excited and fell in the bucket.
nomocrow, Jul 01 2010
  

       //Despite the lame remark directed at me by the author, that suggests I'm a twit// I have no idea of what you are talking about? Could you perhaps explain?
xenzag, Jul 01 2010
  

       I said I loved this idea, and then you said only dumb people would push around a shopping cart containing a bird that made snide remarks. Hence my impression was that you were calling me dumb.
blissmiss, Jul 01 2010
  

       Ha, now I see... well I'm one of them too then, because I would shop no where else.
xenzag, Jul 01 2010
  

       I seriously see this happening, therefore do not find it amusing.
pashute, Jul 01 2010
  

       Don't be ridiculous... this is the halfbakery, and I would not have posted it if there was any prospect of it being viable.   

       I think this place is on a decline again.... "practical" man on the ascendency again.
xenzag, Jul 02 2010
  

       I want to double vote for the interfering monkey version.   

       Make it so he hides under the basket section and only comes out when you're facing the other way, trying to decipher the engrish cooking instructions on the laksa paste, or whatever.
Custardguts, Jul 02 2010
  

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wagster, Jul 02 2010
  

       I'm thinking the twit bird for you :-)
xenzag, Jul 03 2010
  

       //Apparently you've never seen a BBP (Bermuda Barbecue Parrot) franchise...// I always thought those were "pi"-shops (named after Bailey-Borwein-Plouffe) .
jurist, Jul 03 2010
  

       Training a parrot to act as a shopping list or a telephone answering machine would be neat, as would one that would tell people off or whistle at girls.   

       [-] randomly pointless
FlyingToaster, Jul 03 2010
  

       Bermuda Barbecue Parrot? That's just fowl.
blinddriver, Jul 03 2010
  

       But a talking trolley parrot? That's just polyglot.
blinddriver, Jul 03 2010
  
      
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