Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Apply directly to forehead.

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Pedestal Plinth Spring

insert a large spring under all public statues
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Statues of public figures are now vulnerable to attack by those who object to their presence for a variety of reasons. Some have been pulled from their plinths, dragged through the streets, then ended up being dumped into nearby harbours.

As always, I prefer more inventive solutions and don't approve of vandalism, even of racist figures of hatred.

I have several ideas relating to this ongoing problem. The inversion of the statue of Rhodes was the first of these, and I am waiting a response from Oxford's vice-chancellor to that one.

My next idea is more easily acheived and involves the insertion of a large and powerful spring between each statue and its plinth. This would be firmly anchored to both the feet of the statue and to the supporting base.

This would mean that any future attempt to drag the statue from its plinth would simply result in an angular displacement followed by the figure springing back into place, accompanied by a large "boinging" sound.

This will no doubt cause much merriment, but that's a preferable release of frustration than a full blown act of destruction.

xenzag, Jul 07 2020

System secures the figurine https://www.roadand...ecstasy-disappears/
No word on if it also secures the finger of the tamperer. [whatrock, Jul 07 2020]

[link]






       In times of national emergency, the springs could be compressed, and fixed with clasps such that the statues could be launched at a moment's notice into the sky. (Though it's not clear under what emergency conditions this would provide a practical solution to.)
zen_tom, Jul 07 2020
  

       // launched at a moment's notice into the sky. //   

       An ideal application for solid-fuel rocket boosters. Adding a highly flammable, sticky gel and a quantity of ball-bearings to the propellant would ensure that anyone in the immediate vicinity of the launch would find the brief remainder of their life highly unpleasant and full of incident.
8th of 7, Jul 07 2020
  

       Rolls Royce created a special Spirit of Ecstasy hood ornament that disappears safely into the hood upon tampering.   

       Later: // Adding a highly flammable... ball bearings... and full of incident //   

       My hero.
whatrock, Jul 07 2020
  
      
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