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Pedestrianise London Urban Railways

  [vote for,

The urban train system in London is appalling. The trains are hideously overcrowded, always late, and are the most expensive in the entire world. In short the service is totally hopeless. The time has come for a radical rethink and to look to cities like Copenhagen where more than 50% of all journeys are on bicycles.

London could achieve similar benefits if the existing railway network was paved over and thereby converted into a two way cycle highway system. Rickshaws could transport the less able or anyone else who wanted to pay for some extra creature comfort. There would be zero accidents as total segregation of cycles from pedestrians and motorized traffic would be the norm.

London has lines running like veins into every part of the capital, particularly to those commutator areas where the current train service is so bad. The savings in line maintainance etc would be reinvested in infrastructure appropriate to cyclists. The day of the train for London is over, and it's ended in failure. It's the perfect moment to let the bicycle take over.

xenzag, Dec 15 2016

Murata, the humanoid robot that bicycles; suitable for replacing rickshaw drivers worldwide https://www.youtube...watch?v=Srwk-i5aXRQ
[beanangel, Dec 15 2016]


       // London is appalling //   

       Tell us something we don't know.   

       This is a most excellent scheme. Once operational, the tubes will be packed with cyclists - the ideal time to shut down all the ventilation and open the cans of Zyklon-B.   

       The organic remains can be incinerated, and the bicycles shredded and recycled as automobiles.
8th of 7, Dec 15 2016

       By paving over the stairs and escalators, you'd have a system of impossibly steep ramps that operated as a one-way valve for cyclists. In an attempt to escape, cyclists would trickle down through the tube system until they either a) find their way to the western end of the piccadilly line and escape at the bit where it comes out at ground level, or b) reach the very bottom, probably around westminster, where a kind of cyclist sump would accumulate, necessitating some sort of bilge pump to empty the cyclists out at ground level in a controlled manner, perhaps a fountain of cyclists spewing out of an ornate statue, only to dribble back down into the tubes again.
mitxela, Dec 15 2016

       They would have to be ground down to a puree before being pumped to the surface, but essentially yes.
8th of 7, Dec 15 2016

       I think they should make an "Asimo-like" rickshaw robot [link] to exclude humans from risky activities. Also they could go really fast, and avoid humans.
beanangel, Dec 15 2016

       I was more thinking of the overground lines, but yes the underground system would be possible as well.
xenzag, Dec 15 2016

       // . The savings in line maintainance etc would be reinvested in infrastructure appropriate to cyclists. //   

       Initially individual licensing and identification system; speed cameras and automatic fine mailing system (auto execution system, if 8th of 7 has anything to do with it). But when that becomes profitable: traffic wardens and pay-for-parking zones.
Ling, Dec 16 2016

       // infrastructure appropriate to cyclists. //   

8th of 7, Dec 16 2016

       // infrastructure appropriate to cyclists. //

(ignoring [8th]'s comment, which is born of ignorance) - some kind of EM pulse to disable the smartphone of pedestrians near roads so that they don't step out into the road, eyes fixed on their screens, into the path of my bicycle, as happened earlier this week
hippo, Dec 17 2016

       // born of ignorance //   

       What, there's something better than a gibbet for lynching cyclists now ? Who knew, huh ?
8th of 7, Dec 17 2016


       Hang on....are people on bicycles pedestrians?
not_morrison_rm, Dec 17 2016

       After they've been knocked off and they and their bike run over, yes. A human on crutches counts as a pedestrian.
8th of 7, Dec 17 2016

       Technical challenge for the week: how to program a drone to follow [8th] around, making that funny, graunching "scring-scring" bicycle-bell sound, while remaining out of his line of sight. [+]
pertinax, Dec 23 2016

       Hey, throw in an occasional extra "Miaow ! " for extra nastiness, why don't you ?
8th of 7, Dec 23 2016

       I approve - Chairman Miaow!
xenzag, Dec 23 2016


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