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Pencil Sharpener Sharpener

A device for sharpening one's collection of pencil sharpeners
  [vote for,

Solutions for sharpening pencils are numerous. The quality, appearance and capabilities of these devices vary dramatically but in the end they all attempt to do the same thing and generally do this through the inclusion of a small, steel blade attached to the body of the device by the means of a small screw.

I recently invested heavily in pencil sharpener called the Kum As2M Two Hole Automatic Long Point Pencil. Despite sounding increasingly, with each word, like the title of a pornographic movie, this is a fine product and has brought similarly fine points to nearly all of the pencils I live with (the exceptions being those the children have thrown repeatedly to the stone floor, whose leaden corridor has been reduced to a series of small carriages).

Whilst I am currently enjoying its sharpening finesse, I am a worrier by nature and so have already foreseen the point in the future where its abilities recede, my nibs become dull, the wood becomes torn rather than neatly milled and I am left caressing what once was. No doubt I will then toss this conglomerate of plastic and steel into the dustbin without so much of a second thought to its years of loyal service, without so much as wiping the graphite from its tender plastic orifices.

But why should my Kum be thrown so casually to the trash? Could not it be sharpened and honed like a chef would sharpen and hone his knives? Could not this be done in situ, with some kind of pencil shaped sharpening device?

Surely all one would need is a block of stone, like a whetstone, only in the form of a pencil, so that it can be inserted into the sharpener and turned earnestly to restore any pencil sharpener to its youth? Then I could sleep peacefully knowing the perpetual future my Kum As2M could look forward to. This is the kind of future I think we all deserve to experience.

oniony, Jul 05 2017

Kum As2M https://www.amazon..../product/B0084F7I1C
Kum As2M Two Hole Automatic Long Point [oniony, Jul 05 2017]


       This is a worthy and laudable idea, but sadly impractical.   

       That is because of the shape of the blade, how it's installed, and how it operates.   

       The cutting edge is wedge-shaped. The flat base of the wedge is next to the pencil. An abrasive stone would grind this flat underside, spoiling the profile of the edge - what's needed is to abrade the upper, angled face to re-sharpen it at the correct profile.   

       This means removing the blade ...
8th of 7, Jul 05 2017

       This post is full of chortle inducing goodness +   

       For example   

       //whose leaden corridor has been reduced to a series of small carriages//   

       I will now look at the pencils on my desk in a new way.
DenholmRicshaw, Jul 05 2017

       Yes, it's refreshing to encounter a writer with such impressive fluency in the English language, producing prose marvellosly replete with such unique similies.   

       Have you ever considered seeking to aquire such skill yourself ?
8th of 7, Jul 05 2017

       //whose leaden corridor has been reduced to a series of small carriages// - best mixed metaphor I've read today
hippo, Jul 05 2017

       //Have you ever considered seeking to aquire[sic] such skill yourself ?//   

       Yes - could you give me some pointers?
DenholmRicshaw, Jul 05 2017

       Yes. Firstly, make sure that your computing device has a correct English dictionary in its spell-checker ...
8th of 7, Jul 05 2017


       [8th] If the sharpener radius was bigger than the pencil's (such that the blade pivots or bends to accomodate it) then bottom sharpening would work.
FlyingToaster, Jul 05 2017

       // bottom sharpening would work //   

       What you do in the privacy of your own home is your own business. Just don't bring it in here.   

       Also, no, it wouldn't. You'll initially create a hollow-ground blade, but very quickly it will become irretrievably misshapen.
8th of 7, Jul 05 2017

       A fine idea. But unlikely to function as intended.   

       If I were pressed to produce a pencil sharpener sharpener, I would construct a pencil-blank out of strong plastic, with a slot down the pointed end where the blade would be expected to meet it. A hollow chamber down the centre would connect the slot to a vacuum source. Then, pouring in a fine abrasive powder into the shavings bin, whilst the vacuuming pencil blank is inserted and positioned at the correct angle, would lead to a stream of abrasive flowing over the top edge of the blade and hopefully onwards to a suitable level of sharpness.
mitxela, Jul 05 2017

       //a stream of abrasive flowing [...] hopefully onwards to a suitable level of sharpness// sounds wonderfully like a sample of totalitarian optimism from the 1920s; maybe Mayakovsky on an off day.
pertinax, Jul 05 2017

       That was a fun read. You're quite the word-slinger. [+]
doctorremulac3, Jul 05 2017

       But what will you do when the sharpening surface of the Pencil Sharpener Sharpener gets worn out?
hippo, Jul 06 2017

       I see what you're saying, but...   

       You're assuming a flat-bottom wedge which meets the pencil at a 0deg tangent. The former is possible, the latter doubtful.   

       A flat-top wedge, on the other hand, which bottom meets the pencil at say 15deg, can maintain its shape by using an oversized sharpening rod which bends it up by 15deg during the sharpening process.   

       [edit: //hollow ground// might technically be accurate but, given the disparity between curved stone and blade thickness, it would for all intents and purposes be a wedge]
FlyingToaster, Jul 06 2017

       [oniony], I note that the blades on that pencil sharpener are replaceable, and it is supplied with two spares.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 06 2017


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