Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Penis toggle

Personal memory storage for men.
  (+9, -1)(+9, -1)
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I propose the use of said organ in its left- and right-hanging states as a manually encodable, bistable memory storage device. This system can be used to conveniently store a single bit of information about one's person. One practcial application of this invention is as a replacement for some of the more traditional memory aids (such as tying a string around one's finger or wearing a watch on the wrong wrist) which can be cumbersome, and require access to string and/or wrist watches.

Note that a third system state is available offering the potential to extend this idea to a tristable logic device. This is, however, an altogether more volatile state and its use is not recommended for prolonged periods of time (say >10 minutes) and is liable to cause a public nuisance.

EnochLives, Mar 19 2014

Yoga pants! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoga_pants
Yoga pants? [popbottle, Mar 19 2014]

[link]






       Welcome, [Enoch] to the esteemed ranks of the Royal Confusiliers.   

       This is by far your best idea to date, and I am confident you'll fit right in.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 19 2014
  

       Maybe this is why the mormons have special underwear? To keep the penile-toggle position set during movements?
sophocles, Mar 19 2014
  

       Would argue that all three potential states are volatile in the presence of certain external interference. The likelihood of data corruption could be roughly calculated based on instantaneous proximity to yoga pants.
ytk, Mar 19 2014
  

       There is apparently a fourth state, in extremely cold weather.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 19 2014
  

       [Enoch], welcome to the world's most valuable waste of time. Here is a bun for your excellent idea, and may I say that I am glad you're still alive.
Alterother, Mar 19 2014
  

       ^ or the occasional dangling whatsis.
FlyingToaster, Mar 19 2014
  

       Time enjoyed is not time wasted.   

       And, I find the HB community to be far more clever than most sites (reddit, facebook, etc). So, I find true novelty & cleverness here on HB.
sophocles, Mar 19 2014
  

       //the mormons have special underwear//   

       Wot??   

       Well, goodness me, the thing's you learn on Google. It appears that they were embroidered romper suits.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 19 2014
  

       All said above is true.   

       Hmm... I struggled with the phrasing of that quip, and it appears now that I presented it in imperfect form. I'll work on it some and trot it out again at the next big greeting. In the meantime I hope that all who know me will appreciate the heartfelt sentiment that my words failed to properly express.
Alterother, Mar 19 2014
  

       Quick calculation indicates that if we combined this into a giant world wide penis storage array, we could expect approx 288 MB storage capacity. 3.5 billion men * 0.66 because only 15-65 can participate reliably / 8 to convert into bytes. (+) for a storage that can be combined with RFC1149
ixnaum, Mar 20 2014
  

       Actually the capacity is less than I stated, we need to consider some kind of RAID like parity to deal with data corruption due to death, etc.
ixnaum, Mar 20 2014
  

       You'll need to also account for noncompliance and deliberate malfeasance singly and in groups. Information security alone will require 50% parity.
Voice, Mar 20 2014
  

       Don't forget to factor in the large sampling of population whose members have a bias in one direction or the other.
RayfordSteele, Mar 20 2014
  

       So yours does too, eh? Mine goes right, which may be slightly ironic given that I'm left-handed.
Alterother, Mar 20 2014
  

       Too Much Information, [Alt].
8th of 7, Mar 20 2014
  

       Whilst I heartily agree that the Large Penis Array would be a wholly worthwhile pursuit for the greater good of mankind, I can't help but feel that it is ultimately an impractical (impotent?) data storage device. On the other hand, being able to store a bit of information about your person is useful. The impetus for this idea came about when my wife kept forgetting which breast she had last fed the baby from. I considered various means of storing data about one's body, before settling on the Digital Dick. Clearly the position of my penis doesn't really solve her problem, but it does have other applications. I've been trialling this system now for a couple of days and found it to be a reliable storage device. (You do have to remember to correctly re-set the position after performing other penile functions, but I've not found this to be particularly onerous.) Other suggestions for bodily data storage are welcome.
EnochLives, Mar 20 2014
  

       I did not imply anything about my personal anatomy and its general state of neutrality.
RayfordSteele, Mar 20 2014
  

       Oh right so. The idea is for personal rather than distributed data storage. If I might offer an extension: the penis is the radius of the circle of remembering. Round as many of the degrees of this circle as permits legibility, tattoo things that you commonly need to remind yourself of (buy milk, take your drugs, tinfoil apartment) and couple the tattoo with a nice piercing. Use the chain that runs from yr Prince Albert to attach your penis to the relevant reminder stud and before long you'll be able to tell by the direction of your penis what it was you needed to remember.
calum, Mar 20 2014
  

       May I also say that this is my favourite halfbakery idea for some time. Excellent work.
calum, Mar 20 2014
  

       // The impetus for this idea came about when my wife kept forgetting which breast she had last fed the baby from.//   

       Dear gods, [Enoch] - tell her she should _always_ use her own.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 20 2014
  

       May I suggest that this todger toggle is more like a flip flop?
Ling, Mar 20 2014
  

       [+] for Calum.
pocmloc, Mar 21 2014
  
      
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