Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Picasso Style Facial Re-Arrangement Photo App

Take a picture, the app re-arranges your features into a pleasing Picasso style work of art.
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
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Your nose on the side of your head, one massive eye in the middle of your forehead, one on top of your ear etc.

You'd take a picture, then click "Piccasoize" to try different arrangements and colorations of the various parts. I believe some geometric quantizing and stylization of the facial features would be necessary to keep it from just looking like your head got stuck in a blender.

Very easy to tweak modern facial recognition technology. Many apps can discern a nose from an eye from an ear etc. This just selects them, jumbles them around into about 30 different presets per feature so you'd get millions of possible combinations.

I assumed somebody had probably thought of this but couldn't find anything on the web.

doctorremulac3, Apr 18 2020

My 3rd favorite artist, Robert Williams https://www.ebay.co...W-ART-/391819387366
A good collection of his is "The Lowbrow Art Of Robert Williams". [doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2020]

Uncubist filter Uncubist_20filter
[xenzag, Apr 19 2020]

Chimp painting: good. https://www.zmescie...e-by-chimps-532543/
[doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2020]

Chimp painting: horrible. https://images.app....l/mdQgwU8zxLZPPSXEA
Looks like a friggin' drop cloth. BAD BONZO! [doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2020]

The Fallen Madonna https://en.wikipedi.../The_Fallen_Madonna
By van Clomp. Very valuable, apparently. Much sought-after. [8th of 7, Apr 19 2020]

[link]






       Picasso was a jerk. If you look at his early- naturalistic- work, he could really, really draw, the equal of Dürer, Hals, da Vinci. A genius, no question.   

       And then he started doing angular, representational rubbish, and because a few critics said it was Art, it sold.   

       Even van Gogh could actually paint something that does look recognizably like a vase of sunflowers, or a lift-bridge, or a bunch of trees.   

       Don't encourage these idiots.
8th of 7, Apr 18 2020
  

       I accept that fishbone with no bitterness because I understand where you're coming from. My three artists are Escher, Dali and some American you've never heard of, Robert Williams, all men with more talent at painting than I have. As a person with working class, even dirt poor roots, I'm wired to respect people that invest in some kind of skill that earns money, and have great distain for bullshit that earns more money. If I go to a football game, I want that quarterback to be better than me or it's really not very interesting. I want a surgeon to know more than I do about the area where he's cutting into me. I don't want a "post modern impressionist surgeon" getting anywhere near me with a scalpel.   

       So I understand the anger at what I call "Fuck you prol!" art. That is, art that's designed to anger people who work for a living and whose livelihood depends on having some kind of skill doing what they do. When an "artist" makes a living making fun of the very concept of skill, it's a celebration of the status of the elite. Jackson Pollock served the perfumed upper class a chance to look down on the unwashed working class hoi polloi by pretending to see beauty in something a monkey squirting paint from his asshole could do.   

       I also understand that lots of the game of overpricing horrible crap that passes for art is a numbers game. Buy some fucked up looking finger painting for 1 million bucks, get it "appraised" two years later for ten million bucks (pay the appraiser a hefty fee, after all, he does have an English / French accent.) then donate this "ten million dollar" work of "art" and take the tax write- off.   

       That's the elegant and nuanced version of art investing. Most of it's probably just money laundering.   

       But there is practical application of crappy art. Stand facing a Picasso while standing next to a person you want to make look low class and stupid. When they say the obvious, something along the lines of "What the fuck is that?" turn and give them a disdainful look, maybe even raising one eyebrow and say: "It speaks to me." Watch the look of confusion on their face. Feels good don't it? So it can serve some practical application. Making people feel better than other people.   

       On the other hand, it must be said that nobody's talking about well executed paintings of pretty flowers are they? Maybe a little controversy sells eh?
doctorremulac3, Apr 18 2020
  

       I know some blokes who do this for free, in fact they pay you .. no wait!   

       Sorry, no .. they don't pay you, it's if you don't pay them back .. now what were they called again? something to do with fish?   

       Oh yes that was it, loan sharks.
Skewed, Apr 19 2020
  

       I like that. "Hey, yaz pay us dat fuggin money or we duz a Picasso job on ya face!"
doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2020
  

       The three artists you cite have unmistakable technical ability and unique styles. Their work may not be to the taste of all who view it, but the skill is clear.   

       If all they're capable of is throwing paint at the floor, then fair enough, if some idiot will pay for that.   

       But for an artist with genuine skill to betray their talent by producing rubbish is unforgiveable.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       That's the thing though, to get yourself established as an 'artist' in the first place you have to prove you can do it, consider it the apprenticeship stage, only then after they're established can they get away with selling rubbish.   

       Unless they're Tracey Emin of course.   

       Still haven't figured out how she managed to bypass all of that & go straight to the rubbish.
Skewed, Apr 19 2020
  

       If you don't like the results of cubism, or find them too difficult to understand (like 8th) then you can undo them with the uncubist filter - see link. doc - sp arrangement
xenzag, Apr 19 2020
  

       We do not consider the results of cubism to be a useful representation. We understand it perfectly; it's an artistic statement of "Oooh, I have found an easy way to make money from idiots".
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       //doc - sp arrangement//   

       Thank you xen, I was being a post modernist speller.   

       (bun for your Uncubist filter BTW)   

       I was always surprised that animal paintings weren't more popular. There's actually a variation in quality, just like with human paintings. Some appear to grasp the concept of theme while others are just a load of Pollocks.
doctorremulac3, Apr 19 2020
  

       // surprised that animal paintings weren't more popular. //   

       It's a very difficult technique; the animals usually don't keep still, and the paint doesn't work well on fur.   

       Reptiles are easier as they can be chilled to make them torpid. About the only mammals that are easy to paint are elephants (if you have a stepladder) and sloths (which move very slowly).
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       Many years ago, one of my students got permission from a farmer to paint his cows. He went into a field and painted large coloured circles on the sides of some of his cows. There was trouble and he said he was following instructions from his tutor at art college.
xenzag, Apr 19 2020
  

       Were they all female, or were there any male ones ? Making a bull ring might have been illegal ...
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       Making a bull ring is really quite difficult, we tried it once but even flash freezing only produced a kind of dull tinkle when we struck them.
Skewed, Apr 19 2020
  

       You need exactly the right type of clapper; sadly, they don't seem to make them any more.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       I'm not sure even the right clapper would be much use, seems you only get one go & it leaves all those shattered frozen bull shards on the carpet, some of them melted b4 we found them all, we'll put down plastic first next time.
Skewed, Apr 19 2020
  

       The Borg are mighty passionate about realism in human art - who'd a thunk it? Bun - just because I would use it at least once before I uninstalled it to make room for another silly app.
wagster, Apr 19 2020
  

       We're not "passionate". We just consider that a picture of a "Fallen Madonna with Big Boobies" <link> should be recognizable by the correspondence between the image and the text, rather than being a blue-and-red daub resembling a Dover Sole, with two eyes on the same side, surrounded by random splotches of primary colours resembling blobs of toothpaste.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       I get mixed up between Skewed and 8th of 7.
chronological, Apr 19 2020
  

       Heh heh   

       <Pings [Skewed]'s proximity transponder/>
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       Ah yes, Van Klomp's great masterpiece. The light still falls delicately across her face even after being hidden in a sausage.
wagster, Apr 19 2020
  

       No, no, you're getting them confused. Van Klomp painted the famous "Van Gogh Painting 'The Cracked Vase with the Big Dasies'", currently exhibited (by appointment only) in the coal shed of the Town Hall in Walmington-on-Sea. The painting of The Fallen Madonna, in the Town Hall in Nouvion, is by van Clomp (allegedly). It has been examined repeatedly by experts, but mass-spectrometric analysis of the lingering odour of sausage that clings to it has been inconclusive. While it resembles the composition of knackwurst, it shares many of the component peaks of Bologna sausage, though how an Italian comestible arrived in a small french town in wartime is unclear. Further, traces of hydrocarbons suggest that at some time the canvas was exposed to an intense level of exhaust fumes from a small German armoured vehicle. It may be a forgery ... the provenance is very doubtful.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2020
  

       My eyes appear to be where my nose was and it's now down around my chin. I just saw this, and that's my excuse for not getting here sooner.   

       That and the fact that my p.c. quietly died on Saturday. For good.   

       Laptop donated by a friend coming Tuesday.
blissmiss, Apr 20 2020
  

       Gotta have that laptop or it's not really a life. I've got 3 computers in case 1 breaks so I can have 2 while the 3rd one is getting replaced. Everything my dad said about computers when I was a child was true. (He was a member of the Homebrew Computer Club along with a couple of Steves that started a fruit inspired computer company.) "Every house will have a computer." "This is called a pocket calculator, I paid $325 for it from Texas instruments. Someday they'll be so cheap they'll pass them out as advertising giveaways." and when he took me to wait in line to see something called "a video game" being introduced at Stanford, that I got to play for all of ten seconds after waiting in line for a half hour, he said "Someday all the kids will be playing these.".
doctorremulac3, Apr 20 2020
  

       How is it that your parent is not therefore worshipped as a God by primitive* humans ?   

       One other thing, [doc] ... if you post pics of yourself that have gone through the "Picasso" image filter, can you label them "before" and "after" to avoid confusion ?   

       *Those would be the hair-covered grunting proto-hominids from Oakland.
8th of 7, Apr 21 2020
  

       Dad couldn't care less about mass approval. If people had ever started to revere him as a god he'd have told them to get the hell off his lawn.
doctorremulac3, Apr 21 2020
  

       Not merely Divine, but capable of humility. Not characteristics normally found in close association.
8th of 7, Apr 21 2020
  

       See 8th? Deep down you're a really good guy.   

       Don't worry, I won't tell anybody.
doctorremulac3, Apr 22 2020
  

       Thanks, we don't want it to get out.
8th of 7, Apr 22 2020
  
      
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