Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pocket-Portable Self-Referential Personal Personnel Identifier

"Do you know WHO I AM?"
  [vote for,

For those uncomfortable situations when someone apparently important in their little corner of the world starts yelling and carrying on in public, we bring you the Pocket-Portable Self-Referential Personal Personnel Identifier.

Now, when the screaming starts, you can just hold this handy gadget up near the screamer's mouth and it will analyse voice, spittle and (if the screamer should grab hold of it) fingerprints then crossreference them all against as many databases as we can access.

In a short time you may well be able to tell the screamer who they are, if that's what they are after, or tell the police the screamer's identity, if the screamer becomes violent.

And a very happy day to you too, Mr Ibrahim.

infidel, May 13 2011

Prior art on the alliteration Portable_20Personal...ivate_20Planetarium
Not that anyone owns the letter P [mitxela, May 13 2011]

"...Cuke, I am your father..." http://www.youtube....watch?v=hVrIyEu6h_E
At 4:20... Good Luck! May the Farm be with you! [Grogster, May 13 2011]

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       why can't you just say "no"?
po, May 13 2011

       A Paddington-style Hard Stare can be even more effective than saying “no”.
pocmloc, May 13 2011

       Because it would be far more fun to have the person identified AND branded a wanker than just to say no to them.   

       Mr Ibrahim was definitely a wanker. I tried everything to reason with him. Seems he's related to some crimelord or sommat. Twat.
infidel, May 13 2011

       Whether or not one knows the identity of the screamer, one should always claim ignorance. Nothing hurts a diva more than inattention.   

       I have only had one experience of this kind; I was cut up by a mercedes with blacked out windows, pulled up beside it at the lights and banged on the drivers window on order to remonstrate. The window rolled down about 3" and the driver uttered the immortal "do you know who I am?" I responded "no, do you know who I am?" to which the driver responded "no". I said "good", deftly removed the door mirror with a single upward swipe and rode off.   

       I've still no idea who it was. Their ego probably remembers an unprovoked attack, motivated by jealousy.
Twizz, May 13 2011

       "...Luke, *I* am your father. Search your Pocket-Portable Self-Referential Personal Personnel Identifier, you *know* it to be true..." -- Darth Vader, (Almost) Star Wars Episode V
Grogster, May 13 2011

       "...Cuke, *I* am your father. Search your Pocket-Portable Self-Referential Personal Personnel Identifier, you *know* it to be true..." -- Darth Tater, (Almost) Grocery Store Wars [link]
Grogster, May 13 2011

       Always good for a laugh, this halfbakery place.
infidel, May 13 2011


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