Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Posh Boy Tennis Net

Improve Wimbledon!
  [vote for,

Tennis is a posh sport for posh people. Posh people elect to send their children to fee-paying schools where they can be hit with sticks if they are naughty.

Allow the All England Club to act as a corporal punishment outsourcer for the stockbroker factories, and instead of a net on Centre Court, there's a cordon of right-heighted p. s. p. s. es, in school uniform, peaked caps and all, each ready to accept his just desserts every time Del Potro double faults.

calum, May 06 2018


       This is an excellent idea, and I very much look forward to understanding it.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 06 2018

       It appears to be some sort of rant - or satire - but of an unusually high quality and sophistication ...   

       Sadly, however, it is notably deficient in the comprehensibility department.
8th of 7, May 06 2018

       If you are having trouble with the extended explanation, you may want to direct your attention to the idea title, which lays out the idea with what I am unashamed to say is admirable brevity.
calum, May 06 2018

       As an aside, I will say that I feel blessed to have the first two annotations be a 1-2 from the halfbakery's own Waldorf and Statler.
calum, May 06 2018

       Haha. So, whos arm is shoved up your backside to the elbow to work your lips, [cal] ? (We have so such disadvantage, being fully Animatronic.)   

       The problem is with the dimensions of the net.   

       Tennis nets must be installed to very precise specifications if they are to be used in international competition.   

       A notable aspect is that the centre of the net must be 914.4 mm above the surface of the court. A maximum width is also given.   

       Including the cap, the height of the p.b.'s must not exceed the given dimension, although presumably a selection of kneeling and standing elements could be used; alternatively a trench could be dug across the court in which they could stand.   

       This does not however address the width issue, nor the variation in height from head to shoulder.   

       Traditionally, it appears that the juvenile offspring of disadvantaged racial minorities have been preferred for such tasks, but clearly there is no reason for this revolting and unjustifiable favouritism to be continued.
8th of 7, May 06 2018

       //Waldorf and Statler// I see myself more as Tom, the Swedish chef.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 06 2018

       Very well done, [IT], since Swedish is a notoriously challenging language.
8th of 7, May 06 2018

       I'm flummoxed that you've acknowledged it as a language at all, seeing as how it consists of nothing but funny foreign sounds in a strange order.
RayfordSteele, May 06 2018

       //nothing but funny foreign sounds in a strange order.//   

       So, like any other language?
pertinax, May 06 2018

       //Haha. So, whos arm is shoved up your backside to the elbow to work your lips, [cal]?//
I am fully self- fisting, an ouroboros of psychic control, if you will.

       //The problem is with the dimensions of the net.//
Yes, this is by far the most problematic element of the idea of arraying small posh boys in a line to risk being hit in the face with a yellow ball travelling at 200kmh+. Happily, however, I have already come up with the solution - an adaptation to Capability Brown's Abraham Lincoln Spirit Level (qv) wherein the stovepipes are replaced with prep school caps. I had also thought, as you have sagely suggested, that a trench could be dug. I am on board with this. It will encourage drop shots, which will increase the chances of small posh boys getting hit in the head not just with balls but with CFRP racquets, this being a welcome change for them from cane on buttocks.

       //This does not however address the width issue, nor the variation in height from head to shoulder.//
I think that the introduction of crenels to the nets will (a) increase the range of shot options and (b) give the All England Club another formica layer of the footsy prestige that it courts and markets.

       For clarity, the idea is not intended as a means of punishing small boys simply because they are posh. It is a means by which naughty public school boys can diversify the punishments that their parents have already signed them up for.   

       For the pedants and keen legal minds, this idea was composed in my head in 2018 but while I was imagining I was living in the UK in 1997. Anyway, it might fly, as the punishment is more of a lottery and current UK govts. are keen on gambling.
calum, May 10 2018


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