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Practice Turkey

A fake flesh and bones turkey carcass for carving practice
  (+8, -2)
(+8, -2)
  [vote for,

So you're hosting family Thanksgiving for the first time, and you are part of one of those weird extended families that make a big deal out of turkey carving.

You in a flop sweat, the bird comes to the table and everyone including uncle Gary is watching and judging.

Good thing you have already practised on your Practice Turkey. With an accurate plastic skeleton, silicone tendons, and rubber meat both dark and light encased in a realistically painted and textured fake rubber skin, you have this in the bag!

Screw you uncle Gary!

Giblet, Jan 30 2023

Turkeys should be easier than people, right? https://www.urmc.ro...to-practice-surgery
[a1, Jan 30 2023]

Think they'd let you carve this one? https://americanhis.../object/nmah_334049
It's not like they're actually using it for anything else. [a1, Jan 30 2023]

The lifeboat sketch https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2rsmd7
[a1, Jan 31 2023]

Erysichthon of Thessaly https://en.wikipedi...ichthon_of_Thessaly
The Man Who Ate Himself (Greek mythology) [a1, Jan 31 2023]

Survivor Type https://en.wikipedi.../wiki/Survivor_Type
[Voice, Feb 01 2023]

Going meat free https://comicskingd...h-orange/2023-02-03
Proving once again the funny pages follow HB [a1, Feb 03 2023]


       [+] I think a silicone turkey will cost more than a real one. This is a job for AR at the table and VR for practicing.
Voice, Jan 30 2023

       [+] See link on creating models for surgery practice. Turkeys should be easier to model than people, right?
a1, Jan 30 2023

       Yea, screw you uncle Gary! [+]
doctorremulac3, Jan 30 2023

       1. A way I have seen a bird prepared for serving is to just pull it apart on the baking tray. Pull the breasts off to each side and pull the legs and wings off... let people help themselves to what they want.   

       2. Start a new family tradition that the highest ranking male gets to carve. Oh, uncle Gary, I'm so glad you are here, as the senior member of the family I insist you do the honours and carve for us all!   

       3. Face down the weirdos and serve lasagne instead. Ignore their complaints. Its your house and you can serve whatever food you want whatever day of the week you want. If they don't like it they can host next time.   

       4. Get a whole chicken every week and have a roast chicken dinner (its actually very cheap if you use all the meat and then boil the bones for soup, one chicken can provide 10 servings easily over the course of the week). Carve it with care and ceremony and by the time Christmas comes (maybe even by the time ersatz Christmas) you will be a master carver
pocmloc, Jan 30 2023

       Buy two.
tatterdemalion, Jan 30 2023

       //Face down the weirdos//   


       Why are we all face- down? How did this happen? Was it something we said?
pertinax, Jan 31 2023

       [poc] has the win, with just a few adjustments to the order it'll be perfect.   

       4. Practice to perfection with a real live chicken every week (if you find that a bit cruel I understand that you can buy dead ones at the supermarket).   

       2. Come the day palm it off on Uncle Gary anyway .. from the vantage of your now perfected technique critique his performance.   

       1. Declare he's done it all wrong and show him how to do it right on a previously prepared chicken .. pulling the legs and wings off with suitable flourish and theatre.   

       3. Carefully pack the now carved turkey away in Tupperware (declaiming that Uncle Gary has clearly ruined it and it'll have to go for soup, the chicken is cold having been cooked yesterday to wait ready in the fridge so clearly that would never do either) .. now serve reheated chicken lasagne made from all those practice chicken leftovers.   

       Cue shouting, recriminations and the predicted row .. the perfect Christmas (if you're UK) or thanksgiving.   

       Enjoy your turkey the day after they've all gone.
Skewed, Jan 31 2023

       I can't see how this would be more cost effective than just buying a second turkey, which also has the added benefit of allowing a practice run for the cooking process as well, something which I personally get much more anxiety about. A road-kill turkey (of which there is no shortage in these parts) would be great for this.
21 Quest, Jan 31 2023

       It's actually not that hard, at least with an electric knife.   

       Stretch the thigh out a bit. Cut in the joint, then twist the drumsticks and carve right into the cartilage to free them.   

       Do the wing out similarly.   

       Find the top. Carve right against the breastbone on one side from front to back to free a whole breast. Then place the breast on the plate and slice it cross-grain as thin or thick as you like. Cutting it cross-grain helps make it easier to deal with. Then do the other.   

       For the dark meat underneath, just cut inward at what seems a good angle as there's no real perfect method here.
RayfordSteele, Jan 31 2023

       //as there's no real perfect method here// I can hear uncle Gary clearing his throat already...
pocmloc, Jan 31 2023

       I have never cut through any kind of animal in my entire life and I never will, so this product would be little use to me. If only the brilliant benfrost was still here, we might have seen a serial killer version being posted as an annotation . Oh look - I've done it for him.
xenzag, Jan 31 2023

       // I have never cut through any kind of animal in my entire life //   

       Others do it for you then? Or have you been a vegetarian since birth, without a single lapse?
a1, Jan 31 2023

       I have cut up many pieces of paper, wood and metal, some of which were animal shapes but I ate none of them.
xenzag, Jan 31 2023

       Flour lentils beans and other dry goods have a permitted percentage of insect parts. I suppose you could technically claim since they were already small and fragmentary you never cut through them merely between them.
pocmloc, Jan 31 2023

       All biology is symbiotic. Eat what you want.   

       I'm mostly a vegetarian, only out of habit and preference these days. Used to be stricter and thought I gained some karma points for it. But I gave up that notion about forty years ago.
a1, Jan 31 2023

       //All biology is symbiotic. Eat what you want//   

       Really? well OK then, if you say so, but just remember this was your idea.   

       I suppose there are a few recipes I've not tried yet.   

       [Dusts off his old copy of the cannibals cook book]   


       [Selects a second volume from the book case titled 'endangered animals, eat em before they're not!']   

       [Wanders absent mindedly towards the kitchen as he leafs through one of them]   

       Hmm, lets see now.   

       Shall we have the Panda shish kebabs in ginger sauce or that nice little dish with the fava beans tonight?   

       [Pauses, shouts over shoulder]   

       Jeeves! have we any pandas in the menagerie?   


       Well that's a shame, can you get a bottle of chianti out of the cellar then please.
Skewed, Jan 31 2023

       Scoff as you might, but if it ain't poison it's food. I've never had the desire to try long pig, but if necessary I wouldn't hesitate. The lifeboat sketch seems appropriate here (link)
a1, Jan 31 2023

       "Lady fingers. They taste just like lady fingers."   

       ~Stephen King~   

       Oh yeah, and don't eat human brains or you'll get something called Kuru and die.   

       Ah, the things you learn watching Love Boat...   

       Did Steven King write the man who ate himself? That was an awesome story.
Voice, Jan 31 2023

       Everyone dies in the end.
pocmloc, Jan 31 2023

       // Did Steven King write the man who ate himself? //   

       I don't know. The quote 2f gave was from "Skeleton Crew."   

       "The Man Who Ate Himself" is from Greek mythology and there are several variants (link). Or were you asking for something more modern?
a1, Jan 31 2023

       //Scoff as you might, but if it ain't poison it's food//   

       [Whips napkin over shoulder with a flourish and proffers a menu]   

       Would sir care for a nice bowl of gravel?   

       We have shale, a wide range of dolomite, high in calcium, good for the bones [looks thoughtful for a moment] unless one's being pounded with a few pounds of it inside a sturdy sock of course, and we have a cheeky little quartzite for dessert, finely powdered and served on a bed of white granite.
Skewed, Jan 31 2023

       I'll pass. As I think that dish would take a long time to do so.
a1, Jan 31 2023

       Yes I would agree, its usually undercooked.
pocmloc, Feb 01 2023

       //if it ain't poison it's food.//   

       On the other hand, everything is poison if you use enough.
Loris, Feb 03 2023

       “Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.”
-Robert A. Heinlein
a1, Feb 03 2023

       <pant> <pant> <pant> "MY HEART!" -(the last obese guy I saw trying to jog up the steps)
RayfordSteele, Feb 03 2023

       a1, I've been vegan for years. Not for your reason but because all animals are sentient beings. They feel pain and fear deeply. Even turkeys. So please, bakers, stop terrifying the wildlife and eating the fear they expressed when they were killed. Not to mention the humane side of it. Well yeah, it is to mention it.   

       zen, I just saw your post. Yay, and thank you for being a kind and loving human being. Sometimes it's a lonely place to be, but it's the right place for us.
blissmiss, Feb 04 2023

       Tatterdemallion, I hear and understand.   

       My idea is to practice carving without needlessly killing things though.
Giblet, Feb 09 2023


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