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Pretence-free ice hockey stick

No need to deny it
  [vote for,

An ice-hockey stick that throws away the convention that it is for hitting a puck, and is optimised for its true purpose - inflicting injury on members of the opposing team.

That is all.

8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

War hammer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_hammer
The new design. [8th of 7, Dec 10 2017]

Ice axe https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_axe
A more contemporary version. [8th of 7, Dec 10 2017]

Perhaps the first mention of team boxing? Team_20Boxing
I hadn't heard of it before this but haven't done a lot of research. [doctorremulac3, Dec 10 2017]

Evolution of hockey http://www.thehocke...-canada-think-again
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 10 2017]


       I bunned this even though you forgot to mention that the puck should be removed for this version of the game.   

       The idea would be to fill the opposing net with unconscious members of the opposite team. First team to fill the net wins.   

       So you don't get a point until the other guy is dragged into the net giving him a chance to regain consciousness and get back into the fight as he's dragged to the scoring net.
doctorremulac3, Dec 10 2017

       We forgot to mention, there is no puck in the new version of the game, and the goal net is replaced by a deep pit.   

       Possibly there could be sharpened metal spikes in the pit, too.   

       And polar bears, they manage well on ice. Maybe there's a place in the game for polar bears, too. Apparently they're endangered, so some of the money from the broadcasting rights could be used to fund a captive breeding programme.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

       hmm, nobody "really" knows where hockey came from. [link]
It's my theory that you are correct in the hockey sticks' original purpose. The army of the first culture to devise ice skates would have had an enormous advantage over another force while on ice. I imagine that the hockey stick once had a dual purpose. The first skates would not have been very good and balance would have been hard to maintain while loaded down with armor and gear, so it was probably as much a prop as a weapon.
The stick would have been edged along the top and used to ham-string the spike-shod enemy horses and decapitate their men. Rocks would have been employed from a distance and accuracy would have been needed.

       The game would have naturally evolved to keep the troops in shape during times of peace, and word of its existence didn't get out much, because if you went up against the army which played hockey and they tricked you onto the ice with them... well you just didn't get to live to tell the tale and the wolves ate well that winter.   

       Uh, is it not likely that ice hockey, which can only be played well on ice, evolved from hockey, which can be played anywhere? I mean, just a wild theory.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 10 2017

       At one time in my home town, sales of baseball bats were through the roof. Sporting outlets could barely cope with demand, yet no one plays baseball here, and there are no teams.
xenzag, Dec 10 2017

       Well then, that saved everyone from several hours of boredom.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 10 2017

       Yes, the long winter evenings simply fly by.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

       //likely that ice hockey, which can only be played well on ice, evolved from hockey, which can be played anywhere?//   

       Could be but I don't think so. Skates would have been a huge game-changer when it came to ancient warfare. If you want to move a large group of men and goods across rivers and lakes then moving them in winter would be the most cost effective solution, meaning that there was plunder to be had!
Almost all cultural running games involve airborne toys like Lacrosse or Football. Summer time running games involving a grounded toy would have just been practice for the coming winter.
Probably a Viking thing I figure.

       Being a Canadian who doesn't give two shits for playing or watching the game has given me a unique perspective.   

       It is simulated battle plain and simple.   


       I wonder whatever happened to "Ice American Football", and why it died out after giving rise to rugby?   

       OK, Wikipedia says "Ice hockey is believed to have evolved from simple stick and ball games played in the 18th and 19th century United Kingdom and elsewhere. These games were brought to North America and several similar winter games using informal rules were developed, such as "shinny" and "ice polo". "
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 10 2017

       //whatever happened to "Ice American Football"?//   

       That's kind of my point. When you live in a land dominated by ice more than by water the summer sports are just preparation for the coming winter.   

       I know what wiki says on the subject, I just think it is wrong otherwise you'd have seen a similar sport co-originating in tropical countries.   

       ...and give me some skates and a bladed stick against someone on foot with a sword any day of the week. He can even bring his horse...   

       // It is simulated battle plain and simple. //   

       We feel obliged to contradict you.   

       We have witnessed "ice hockey" at close range, including a "match" described as a "friendly", and a training session involving sub-teenage children*.   

       We don't know where you got the idea of "simulated" from, but it's totally wrong. There was nothing "simulated". The blood was real. Arterial spray is unmistakable.   

       The only surprising thing in retrospect is that there were no deaths, although of course these may have occurred outside the rink. No-one seemed particularly concerned about tending to the casualties, further than clearing them from the ice as quickly as possible so that the fight could resume.   

       *Some of whom were female. Kipling had clearly seen an ice hockey game, prompting him to coin the phrase "the female is deadlier than the male". Oh, yes, there's all this talk of motherly instincts, empathy, compassion and gentleness, but give them an ice hockey club and you're looking at instant death on ice skates.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

       //Uh, is it not likely that ice hockey, which can only be played well on ice, evolved from hockey, which can be played anywhere? I mean, just a wild theory.//   

       It originated from an old Peruvian game called "palo oscilante" which roughly translated means "swinging stick". The players would simply swing their sticks while running around, usually while drunk on a brew of fermented fish heads called "unguali". In 1897 Peruvian immigrant to America, Juan Pescali, invented the puck and the game took off. The French inventor Francois Trevant added the goal nets in 1903 and after the invention of ice skates in 1942 the game was played on the ice for the first time which allowed the puck to actually move. In 1947 they started playing with human players because previously it was monkeys I was describing.
doctorremulac3, Dec 10 2017

       Well, well. Who knew, huh ?
8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

       When I first moved to Australia, I often heard a lot lof “What do you think about our Aussie Rules Football? Our lads don’t wear all those pads and helmets like those soft gridiron football players.” It was fun to watch the 180 in attitude when I siad, “Oh yeah, AFL is a great game but I was always more into ice hockey.” “Oh bloody hell, that’s a rough game!” It helped that the only coverage down here was of the hockey ‘highlights’ which usually just meant bench-clearing brawls.
AusCan531, Dec 10 2017

       The late 1990's. World Ice Hockey Semi-finals.   

       Czechoslovakia vs. Russia.   

       Neither side observed or respected the Geneva Conventions.   

       The best description we can give is of a sort of indoor Stalingrad. There were fights in the audience even before the game began. Security guards who attempted to intervene were set on. The police arrived, took one look, and (wisely, we thought) ran away.   

       No furnishings were broken or damaged, because the combatants were civilized, respectable people who merely wanted to inflict the maximum amount of pain, injury and humiliation on their opponents. Patrons drinking at the rink-side bar watched the mayhem proceeding at ankle-level with mild interest; there was, after all, no obligation to participate, if you didn't want to.   

       The two teams watched with curiosity, right up to the moment the referee blew his whistle, at which point they simply attacked one another.   

       A bit of a rough game, but a fascinating evening.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2017

       There is something darkly poetic about the oft repeated news report (where I live) that states: "There was a paramilitary style attack last night. After breaking down the door, the victim was repeatedly beaten about the arms and legs by hooded thugs wielding nail studded bats and iron bars." It's the word "wielding" that I particularly like. Somehow a bat or cudgel requires a bit of wielding to be effective, especially in the thuggery department. In fairness, this type of thing has declined, now that we have our own ice hockey team, so there could be something in the idea after all, so it's a thumbs up your bum from me!
xenzag, Dec 10 2017

       //The late 1990's. World Ice Hockey Semi-finals.         Czechoslovakia vs. Russia.  //   

       Wait a minute; the internet tells me that the breakup of Czechoslovakia was in 1993. Did the team stay together longer than the country?
pertinax, Dec 11 2017

       // Did the team stay together longer than the country? //   

       Quite possibly. The separation was pretty amicable, and quite a lot of institutions, like railways, ATC, and power generation and distribution were slowly and methodically separated over a long period.   

       Some may well still be shared.   

       Consider; you are a small central European nation, with a world-class sporting team.   

       If you divide the team between two even smaller nations, your prospect of success in international competition will be reduced.   

       This might mean that you miss out on the chance to play against Russia*, denying you the opportunity to kick all seven kinds of shit out of them and hopefully send some of them to hospital, preferably the pathology department.   

       What would you do ?   

       *A nation which invaded your homeland and imposed a brutally oppresive totalitarian regime not of your choosing**, as a result of which the entire population hates Russia with unswerving passion.   

       ** It's not so much the brutally oppressive totalitarian regime that's the problem, it's that you didn't get a say in exactly who was running it,
8th of 7, Dec 11 2017

       //After breaking down the door, the victim was repeatedly beaten [...]//   

       You could argue that it served him right for breaking down someone's door. </badTasteGrammaticalPedantry>
pertinax, Dec 11 2017

       This thread explains a lot about why xenzag is so passionate about sharing the communal wealth with his neighbors.
RayfordSteele, Dec 11 2017


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