Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Stop The Puns, Get The Buns
(+2, -2)
  [vote for,

Install our new PunGuard™ filter today, and ensure that no inadvertent puns get into your text.

Using a keyboard hook (which would cover all potential text entry applications), examine each typed word using the Soundex algorithm to alert for audio puns. Pick up the occasional stray pun by checking words made up of multiple words using the Wordnet lexical reference and the Rhymezone rhyming dictionary.

Use the built in thesaurus to suggest inoffensive alternatives:

AutoPun becomes Car Foreplay(oops, caught it) Wordplay

MailWoman becomes Armour Pistillate, wait, that can't be right, how about Post Egg Producing, hmm better yet, get off cleaning lady...

We'll do better in Version 2.0

theircompetitor, Mar 02 2004

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       <This message has been blocked due to excessive pun content>
Letsbuildafort, Mar 02 2004

       "PunGuard!" he shouted as he struck at the defenseless language with his rapier wit.
k_sra, Mar 02 2004

       (groan) Mine's not working.
Worldgineer, Mar 02 2004

       touche, [k_sra] :)
theircompetitor, Mar 02 2004

       The internet's been adopted! How wonderful.
k_sra, Mar 02 2004

FarmerJohn, Mar 02 2004

       <This message has been blocked due to excessive pun content>
normzone, Mar 02 2004

       (I wonder what [Lbaf] and [normzone] are saying that's so punny.)
k_sra, Mar 02 2004

       How'd that one get through?
yabba do yabba dabba, Mar 02 2004

       Since the Pun Guard has blocked all but the most meaningless words I attempted to use in response to this post, I'm having to fall back on my use of inappropriate explicatives. *%!@ - *%!@, that didn't work either! *%!@!
Letsbuildafort, Mar 02 2004

       Jutta m-f-d-ed this post, then immediatly the halfbakery went offline, and this note appeared.   

       [ The halfbakery is closed. Thank you for your interest, but my patience has just run out. ]   

       Fortunately we're up again, but boy, I'd sure hate to get blackballed for a pun. There's a story I heard about just this kind of thing....once a pun a time ...
normzone, Mar 02 2004

       I'm certainly concerned as to this development. I pray its merely machinery trouble ...
Letsbuildafort, Mar 02 2004

       And now this idea is going to become the ShunGuard, hovering at the edge of croissantdom, but never crossing.
theircompetitor, Mar 02 2004


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