Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Punchable Monitor

Because my frustration is now almost palpable, and if I don’t find some way to vent it soon, my head may explode.
  [vote for,

I recently acquired a new computer. It’s a hell of a lot faster than my old machine (which was, basically, just one small step above an abacus): it also has more memory, more hard-drive space, better sound and graphics cards – in short, it’s a quantum leap forward from my old hunk of junk. But it does have one fatal flaw. Every so often, with no prior warning or apparent cause, a wee window pops up telling me that “(whatever-program-I’m-running) has generated unknown errors and will be shut down”. So informative. Sometimes it lets me click on the very helpful “Cancel” button and then makes me wait for a minute or so before the program is shut down (presumably to let me contemplate the amount of work that I’m actually losing by my computer’s fit of pique), and sometimes it just skips that nicety entirely, and in a split second I suddenly find myself staring bemusedly at my desktop again, wondering where the application and the thing I have been working on has vanished to. And then there are the times when the damned machine just instantly decides to restart all of its own accord, paying no heed to whatever I might be doing at the time. I had thought that machines were supposed to be our faithful servants – only now do I find that they have minds of their own. And evil ones at that.

So, in order to calm the blood vessel now throbbing in my head which I previously never knew I had, I’d like someone to make a punchable monitor. Perhaps an inch or two of some kind of transparent gel in front of the screen would suffice. I don’t want to break my monitor (or my hand), I just feel the need to register my displeasure in an explosive, physically satisfying way.

In an ideal world, there would be sensors at the edges of the flat gel bag in front of the screen, which would register any significant impact and then cause the monitor to spin round through at least 720 degrees, look down and shake itself from side to side slightly (like cartoon characters do after a blow to the head) and then shamefully raise itself back to its former elevation, almost as if it’s afraid to look you in the eye again. Sheepish desktop image and “rblubllublubella” (sp?) noise as it comes back to it’s senses would be optional extras.

P.S. If anyone knows what might be causing my new computer’s recalcitrance, please let me know. You may even save me having a premature stroke.

lostdog, May 04 2003

(???) Hit any key to continue http://www.compguys...m/humor/hammerd.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 06 2004]

(??) partitioning of the drive using an ordinary hacksaw http://members.aol....0/break/defrag2.jpg
[thumbwax, Oct 06 2004]

(?) Mac: Different http://mike.disorie...oads/videos/mac.wmv
Humorous movie file, edited in Final Cut on a Mac [bristolz, Oct 06 2004]

Related http://www.halfbake...m/idea/Whackentunen
[half, Oct 06 2004]

Memory testing tool http://oca.microsoft.com/en/windiag.asp
Here's a memory testing tool that's free to download. [scad mientist, Oct 06 2004]

Masochistic computing companion masochistic_20computing_20companion
Also useful. [Voice, Jan 02 2012]

Why not? http://www.youtube....watch?v=xIf5XvFrBFo
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jan 03 2012]


       return it and buy a good one.
ironfroggy, May 04 2003

       I love this Idea. I usually take it out on the keyboard, they're cheaper to replace.
Zimmy, May 04 2003

       when ever I get angry at the computer I always shake the screen and then relize I should attack the computer itself, luckly my computer has a vary strong case.   

       as for all the system errors you get. they will probaly stop after awhile, I remember my computer gave alot of illegal operation msg, I haven't seen them for along time now. now the computer just freezes... maybe it becuase I've messed it up and had to reinstall windows so many times... and that one time it wouldn't start at all and I had to reset BIOS by removing the internal battery   

       maybe you should go with ironfroggy's suggestion...
i-Mer, May 04 2003

       You have a PC.
sufc, May 04 2003

       How about rebooting it with a good firm kick.
sufc, May 04 2003

       Too much porn. Again!
bungston, May 04 2003

       ...could also be corrupt hard drive blocks - which if you're paging is just like faulty RAM, I suppose.
hippo, May 05 2003

       Unplug computer. Open case, unplug power and ribbon to harddisk. Reattach power supply and ribbon, close case, plug computer back in. Turn computer on. Sometimes it gets so full if it's elf, it just needs a timeout.
thumbwax, May 05 2003

       this all sounds horribly familiar. my good machine is packed away, waiting for some magical money injection.   

       1G ram and 2x1G intels sitting cold   

       Thumbwax, u seriious about the ribbon etc?
peter2, May 05 2003

       to add to the punchability, [lostdog], how 'bout if you suspend the monitor from a chain from the ceiling instead of having it sit on the desk? Damage to the monitor would be minimized, just don't forget to duck on its return.
lintkeeper2, May 05 2003

       Croissant !! Just for setting the standard on the correct spelling of “rblubllublubella” !!   

       i-Mer took the fun out of punching the screen by correctly stating that it's really the computer that should be the recipient of ire.   

       How about taking the self-diagnosis a step further -- the screen would automatically sense that a fatal error message came up, then OFFERS to kick it's own ass for you.
mahatma, May 05 2003

       peter2, yes, I'm serious. Even works for drives that seemingly can't be revived by any rescue disk. (When it appears dead, let it sit with the 3 cords unplugged for a day, will ya?) I have 5 rescue/boot disks for my main OS - Startup, Partition Magic (2), BootMagic, Antivirus. This particular computer came with Win ME, (Monday Explode) but remains the home partition, as hp does not recommend Win Pro 2K (soundcard doesn't woik with 2k) on this unit.
I recently reloaded WinME - Cancel, End Task, Wait, Blue Screen Of Death remained part of the daily regimen, followed by a total, complete, to-the-naked-eye irretrievable crash: I unplugged the 3 cords, let it sit for a day. Hasn't had a symptom of illness since.
thumbwax, May 05 2003

       Threatening your computer works well. Each new computer in my place has to endure a good hour's lecture on how high my condo is, it's potential terminal velocity and the number of pieces it would break into. I always make sure I show the monitor how high it is up.   

       Each morning, I revisit them with a few "we're so VERY HIGH UP" or a "man, I sure hope a STRONG WIND DOESN'T COME ABOUT".   

       A few threats ("Where did that 5lb sledge go again?" or "gee, the window's wide open..." or "wow, the muzzle velocity of my Mossburg is...") really go a long way.   

       (This is a mandatory process for all silicon-based thingies - Win, Mac, Lin, Palms - even telephones.)
timpestuous, May 06 2003

       //This is a mandatory process for all silicon-based thingies // implants?   

       altogether now - eewwww
po, May 06 2003

       I had similar problems for *3 YEARS*. Rebooted 3-5 times a day. Found out it was bad RAM. Until then, I tried every utility I could find, at a furious pace (some of them costing many monies). I replaced the stick for about $30. Now, whenever I run Windows, I may get a little error here or there, but only little stuff. I rarely even get the little stuff while I'm running Linux (which is virtually all the time).   

       My advice: find a RAM testing app, test yer RAM, and then (if all is swell) try a thorough disk scan. If you've got bad blocks, you probably ought to replace the drive. Once you get it fixed, install Linux. Smile. I bet it's the RAM, though.
galukalock, May 06 2003

       Why not make the monitor shell mallable too? This way when you get mad you can beat on the top and on the sides and see that you've made a difference...
barnzenen, May 06 2003

       waugs - I always thought ME meant "Mostly Excrement", then Microslop confirmed it when they followed up with the Win XP-OS! (Xtreme Piece...)
ton80, May 06 2003

       I like mahatma's idea.   

       "I'm KICKING _my_ass!_" --Jim Carrey, "Liar Liar."
Eugene, May 06 2003

       Thanks for all the advice, everyone. Glad to see I'm not the only vein-throbbing-in-my-head computer user out there. And I know It's not nice to pick on the monitor for the computer's bad behaviour, but who'se going to sell a computer with a kickable case? Can you imagine the sales pitch? "Inevitably it's going to crash unexpectedly and piss you off, but that's okay, because you can always hang it from a meat hook and do a Rocky on it (big running up steps and triumphant fanfare scene not included)..."
lostdog, May 07 2003

       And the sins of the motherboard are visited upon the monitor - or something equally biblical-sounding...
lostdog, May 07 2003

       [UB] In recent versions of Windows (Nt based), RAM faults will usually only give bluescreens if the RAM that failed was being used by the kernel at the time. If the RAM being used by an application fails, it could cause all kinds of random errors in the application, but that is much more likely to result in corrupted data or the application being shut down than a bluescreen.   

       Of course that doesn't explain the instant reboots with no mention of bluescreens since corruptiuon in kernel memory is much more likely to generate a blue screen than a reboot.   

       Testing the memory is probably worth a shot. See link for a memory testing tool.
scad mientist, May 07 2003

       I wish I had one of these for today.
Zimmy, Aug 31 2006

       I don't know if anyone has invented a plastic hemisphere that you could place on a desk. Underneath would be bubblewrap. When the rage ensues, whack the plastic button. I cannot think of a way to make a punch-safe screen area--the very point where one really wants to strike.
crok, Jan 02 2012


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