Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Real Escape Key

For when it all gets a bit much
  (+10, -3)
(+10, -3)
  [vote for,

Is life getting you down? Have you returned from lunch to find 100 emails in your inbox, and a deadline on two other things looming just hours away? Did you ever want to just drop it all and run?
Well now you can. Simply hit the "Real Escape" key. A message is immediately transmitted to International Stress Rescue Headquarters, where a team of highly trained operatives will be immediately dispatched to your polace of work.
They will kidnap you in front of your colleagues, and email a ransom note to your spouse/partner/closest friend/nearest relative copying in your whole department. In three days time (or whatever length contract you have with ISR - more days, more money) a further email is sent thanking your loved one for the ransome and apologising for the inconvenience (also copied in to your workmates). The next day you return to work, gaining not only the sympathy of your boss (who takes some of that work off you) and your colleagues, but having spent the last three days on a health farm/diving in the caribbean/walking in scotland etc.
Of course, it must be used wisely, as you can only do it once per job...
goff, Feb 14 2002

carrymehome.com http://www.halfbake...a/carrymehome_2ecom
[st3f, Feb 14 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Alternative http://tim.griffins...ta/fuck-it-key.html
A key I would press on my keyboard frequently, if only it existed. [-alx, Feb 14 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Ultime Réalité http://springwise.c...sure/ultimerealite/
An amped-up version of this idea is now available as a commercial venture for adventure seekers. [jurist, Mar 10 2010]

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       I had that fantasy when I was about ten only I think it was John Travolta who kidnapped me from my classroom.
Helium, Feb 14 2002

       Isn't there an ad on UK TV at the moment that does something like this? Dunno what the ad's for - I always mute / FF them.
angel, Feb 14 2002

       Sounds like the military wing of carrymehome.com.
st3f, Feb 14 2002

       Enter Gorilla (about the size of Afro) who sweeps "miss" over his shoulder and runs off with her, growling loudly, at anyone who tries to put up a fight for squealing school admin type person. Returned in tact after half-term. You understand this is ONLY because the children would love this.
po, Feb 14 2002

       Just a word to the spouse/partner/closest friend/nearest relative, Never pay for a 'proof of life".   

       Those ISR dudes better watch out for Russell Crowe and David Caruso, as they may show up and try to shoot them in the head.
spaceal, Feb 14 2002

       If your boss figures you're worth kidnapping, they'll probably decide you're being paid too much.
pottedstu, Feb 14 2002

       The "more days, more money" part is bothersome to me, too. I'm pretty sure someone might pay $1,000 bucks to get me back today or tomorrow...But if the price went up to $1,000,000 on Monday, I might have to seek a new identity in a new land. I can think of a few estate beneficiaries, in fact, that might constructively drag their heels. You have read O. Henry's "Ransom of Red Chief", haven't you?
jurist, Feb 15 2002

       No Jurist, you didn't read it right. You pay for the service (I don't know how much - say £500). If you want them to keep the scam going for a week rather than three days, the cost to you might be £1000. It has nothing to do with the ransom amount - the ransom would never actually be paid would it? That's the whole point. Of course, they may also need to 'disappear' your spouse too so that they can go on the holiday with you...
goff, Feb 18 2002

       A Ransom?   

       Write a fake numbered Swiss account onto a piece of paper (preferably a napkin from an Istanbul tea-house in a small manila envelope, marked "Project Baron". Stick the envelope to the underside of your office desk. You can ransom yourself for the number in the envelope. Speak with a Russian, Japanese or other exotic accent.   

       This might not be 100% advisable if you work for the government, but rather cool otherwise.   

       Proof of life?   

       If it's a escapism scam, don't involve the police; they're more interested in justice than a swift and easy return. They might prosecute you too.   

       Also don't involve the insurance company (effectively the only people that actually hire K&R consultants).   

       And don't involve the wife if she stands to gain more from your estate than a divorce.   

       Just fail to show up for work. Personally call your secretary or coworker at mid-afternoon. Get them to retrieve the envelope and read the number over the phone. Don't explain why. Sound scared and stressed. Tell them to hurry and check the number a couple of times. Don't say "Bye", or even put the phone down just click the receiver button halfway through reading the number back a second time.   

       When you show up after three days, you'll have to make it look convincing. Turn up naked at a truck stop cafe in Nebraska and beg for water.
FloridaManatee, May 22 2003


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