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Rename Mars: "New Earth" To Encourage Colonization

Like when they changed: "Boiling Water" to "Palm Springs". Who wants to live in Boiling Water California?
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  [vote for,

The name Mars just doesn't carry a lot of positive association with it. First off, it's named after the Roman god of war. In our popular culture through the ages we've written about imaginary Martians destroying our cities, lusting after our women, stealing our water, generally being jerks. It's been the Solar System's bad side of town image wise.

So, since moving mankind to Mars would be the biggest real estate development project in history, maybe we should think like real estate developers. Start with a catchy, soothing name. "Hey, it's just like Earth only new." New England worked out pretty well. People from England said: "Hey, let's dump this old England and move to this new one!" Marketing.

"New Earth. Your new home in the sky!"

doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010

An Innocent Planet, A History of Slander: They want to take our women... http://en.wikipedia...ki/Mars_Needs_Women
[doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010]

...invade our cities... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Attacks
[doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010]

...steal our water... http://en.wikipedia..._the_Worlds_(novel)
[doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010]

...etc. http://en.wikipedia.../Marvin_the_Martian
[doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010]

"Won't get fooled again". http://www.purelyri...php?lyrics=lgatwosh
Or will you ? [8th of 7, Sep 26 2010]

Immigrant Song http://www.azlyrics.../immigrantsong.html
[doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010]


       How 'bout turn around what Ben Hur said about it?
lurch, Sep 26 2010

       I'm not convinced the name is the biggest obstacle to colonisation, but it's certainly not helping at the moment. [+]
wagster, Sep 26 2010

       LOL. True that. Well, with the resources I have available a little P.R. is about the best I can add to the program for now.
doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010

       Solid concept. It worked pretty well for Greenland, right?
ye_river_xiv, Sep 26 2010

       You've got a winner here, [doc]. Have a New Bun (it looks depressingly like the Old Bun) [+].
Grogster, Sep 26 2010

       [bigsleep] Are you concerned the scheme might fail because key politicians *didn't* get kick-backs from Halibutton? Seriously?   

       Edit: Unclear, I see. I meant there's very little risk of kickbacks not being offered.
mouseposture, Sep 26 2010

       I can see this more as a selling point for a newly terraformed Venus.
nineteenthly, Sep 26 2010

       [19thly] That's why proponents of Martian colonization need to secure a trademark *now*
mouseposture, Sep 26 2010

       And another thing, I think it's a waste of time to put off populating this planet until it's terraformed which might take millions of years if we can do it at all.   

       I picture the cities looking like Las Vegas. Just as we do now, we'd live primarily in buildings and houses but they'd be more air tight. We'd put on clothes to go outside, just as we do now (usually) but they'd be air tight as well, same for our vehicles. We'd still spend time in parks under trees, walking barefoot through the grass, these areas would just be inside, similar to shopping malls.   

       Besides, we're all the light box people anyway, spending most of our time in front of light boxes and we'd do the same there. I work in front of a light box (my computer) to make money so I can play around with my portable light box (my laptop) and after a hard day go home and relax in front of my big 52" light box with the 500 channels. That is of course if I'm not out using my super portable light box (my iPod). On special occasions, I'll take my wife, son or daughter to the biggest light box of all, a huge building that houses a light screen up to 80 feet wide or more.   

       We'd probably spend our time there much as we do here. In front of light boxes.
doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010

       Yes, i've had similar thoughts. Ordinary buildings which happen to be airtight. It is quite cold there though, and there'd need to be a way of providing oxygen.
nineteenthly, Sep 26 2010

       Oh yea, you'd have to crack the water with solar, nuclear or both to get your air and it would be damned hard work, but since when has spreading the footprint of man been easy?   

       In this case by the way it wouldn't be just us spreading out, we'd be the vanguard of all life. We'd take the trees and birds, the dogs and cats, the flowers and the fish. Plus we'd leave the cockroaches and silverfish behind. I would think we could also leave a fair amount of communicable deseases behind as well. Like most of them.
doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010

       I think you might find that we think we're leaving them behind but later find we'd taken them with us accidentally, unless you just took genomes and sterilised everything. Even then, there are headlice, pinworms, gut flora and rhinoviruses.
nineteenthly, Sep 26 2010

       Just leave the rhinos at home then. <--(comedy gold.)
doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010


       "A new life awaits you in the Off-World colonies! A chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure! "   


       As [Grogs] almost said, "Meet the new bun ... same as the old bun ..."   

8th of 7, Sep 26 2010

       So The Who can stay back on old Earth. We'll take Led Zeppelin. (link)
doctorremulac3, Sep 26 2010

       //Ordinary buildings which happen to be airtight// Y'know how you always tip the super at Christmas, just to stay on his good side? Think if he were responsible for maintaining your oxygen supply.
mouseposture, Sep 26 2010

       Judging by the current condition of our own planet, I've come to believe that on whatever day of Creation God handed Adam & Eve the keys to Eden, they must have thought, "Hey, nice little fixer-upper here, Lord. Give us some bulldozers and a little time and we'll have this place looking like Paradise in no time."   

       Shouldn't we finish the job here before we get started on New Earth (whatever it's called now)?
Boomershine, Sep 27 2010

       Maybe that's the problem, Earth was handed to us. Like giving a 16 year old girl a Ferrari that she didn't earn, she won't really appreciate it. She's just spoiled.   

       This new world would be hewn out of a pile of dust and the people who brought it to life would have something to be proud of. That's real pride, not B.S. "Let's all feel good about ourselves for no reason whatsoever" pride.   

       They'd be able to say "We were the ones who had the balls to take the first steps from the cradle. We carried the torch of life into the cold and ignited a new world. (music please) We were the ones who realized the purpose of life is the same for the lowest single cell animal and the crown of creation, the mighty homo (giggle) sapiens. That is simply to survive, strive and thrive, taking that which is cold and dead, and breathing life into it for the sake of life itself."   

       Uh..ahem. Plus if Earth gets hit with an asteroid we won't all get extincted.
doctorremulac3, Sep 27 2010

       //...breathing life into it for the sake of life itself//   

       Aw, that's just your selfish genes talkin', [doc]. The real--and only--reason any of us DNAers do anything is to get a bigger piece of pie, isn't it? The better to replicate ourselves?   

       Same result, different motivation.
Boomershine, Sep 27 2010

       Well, here's a whole new pie. And it's all up for grabs.
doctorremulac3, Sep 27 2010

       The pie is a lie   

       The bun is not [+]
xxobot, Sep 27 2010

       I had the pleasure of visiting Desert Hot Springs (it's round the corner from Palm Springs, and is pretty much the same, only quieter) this year, and quite liked it. It does exactly what is says on the sign, only with a bonus mountain view.   

       I'd love to see us colonise Mars, but we've got much easier places to colonise here on Earth first, like The Sahara, or Gobi deserts. If it's so easy, why not just buy up great tracts of land in these places and spawn a colony there (while we're at it, large tracts of Nevada, South California and New Mexico are already pretty inhospitable - and as such, also going pretty cheap)
zen_tom, Sep 27 2010

       // buy up great tracts of land //   

       But Mars is free, if you can get there. As in speech and as in beer.
nineteenthly, Sep 27 2010

       It may be free, but given the same amount of starting capital (say one Meeelion Dollars) the budding colonist gets a lot more acreage (i.e. some) if they buy up land at 1$ an acre, leaving lots left for supplies, than if they spend it all on spaceships and life-support, which would only get them as far as Woolich, requiring them to borrow the busfare home.   

       True, there's a threshold over which your return (measured in acres of land) actually does pay out - but it's rather high - and my point being that if you really, really want to colonise something, there's a lot more stuff out there to colonise that's easier to get to (and live on) than Mars.
zen_tom, Sep 27 2010

       ...or rename Earth to "Old Mars".
hippo, Sep 27 2010

       Mars- yummy candy bar! What's wrong with the name anyway?
xandram, Sep 27 2010

       Would it still help you work, rest and play?
nineteenthly, Sep 27 2010

       I'd keep Mars as the candy bar name. New Earth candy bars sound like some holistic, high fiber, takes forever to chew and swallow health bar made of all natural loam and peatmoss. "New Earth candy bars: because you'll eat anything to look smarter than everyone else."
doctorremulac3, Sep 27 2010

       Got it, very good.   

       Shows that we should be able to bone or bun anno's. (That would be a bun)
doctorremulac3, Sep 27 2010

       I'm certainly open to suggestions. I was going to suggest Boner Planet but I didn't think that would be too popular.   

       Plus I think it might be taken.   

       But seriously (not that that was particularly funny to anybody but me) you could also scale it down and just call the first settlement New Earth.
doctorremulac3, Sep 27 2010

       //you could also scale it down// You mean, instead of it being massive and a very long way away, we make it fairly small, and close enough to get there by bicycle? Would make it easier to colonise for sure, but it would fill up awful fast. Perhaps the canals could be used for colonic irrigation
pocmloc, Sep 27 2010

       I would have thought that the problem of what to call Mars and the problem of expensive colonisation can be solved at a single stroke. Surely the answer is to use naming rights in sponsorship deals so...'Mars, the RBS Red Planet!' sounds like a much more exciting and go-ahead sort of place than just plain 'Mars'.

Similar schemes could be adopted for Venus ('Venus, the Barclaycard Morning Star!') and all of the other planets, planetoids, asteroids and any other piece of real estate in the solar system that has so far escaped the clutches of enlightened, commercial exploitation.
DrBob, Sep 28 2010

       Rename it Ferrari and all of the boneheaded F1 fans will go there and leave us alone?
infidel, Sep 28 2010


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