Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Reversing Bagpipes

A warrning, lest ye be hurrt
  (+9, -2)
(+9, -2)
  [vote for,

When large vehicles go into reverse nowadays, they are mandated to make beeping noises to announce their rearward intentions.

Here we replace the generic beeping with the stirring drone of the bagpipes, commanding an appropriate level of respect from otherwise potentially unwary pedestrians.

zen_tom, Mar 15 2012

Reverse bagpipes http://www.comet.co...acuum-Cleaners/1961
Available for sale already! [pocmloc, Mar 16 2012]


       An appropriate level of respect for bagpipes?   

       You are going to have people hurling themselves under the vehicles.   

       A true Scotsman will tell himself they are doing it from fear, but deep down he'll know. He will know.   

       And he will drink and he will despair.   

       And he will play the bagpipes.   

       And people will hurl themselves under him, and they will see what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.   

       And they will despair ....   

baconbrain, Mar 15 2012

       I think the authentic pre-recorded sound of someone being crunched under a large vehicle ought to do it.... especially someone playing a set of bag-pipes.
xenzag, Mar 15 2012

       How about the rather more pleasing sound of a large vehicle reversing over successive Scotchmen, each provided with a set of bagpipes ?   

       Of course, there would be the cheering and applause to contend with.   

       Even better, what about the even more pleasing sound of a large vehicle reversing over actual Scotchmen, each provided with a set of bagpipes and a live cat ?
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       I thought this would be a warning noise to let you know that a bagpipe player was reversing towards you.
pocmloc, Mar 15 2012

       //the authentic pre-recorded sound of someone being crunched under a large vehicle ought to do it// I have been unfortunate enough to hear the sound of someone being crunched under a large vehicle, and it is not something I ever wish to hear again.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2012

       All of you will pay for your mockery and derision of the world's finest instrument... you will pay.
Alterother, Mar 15 2012

       Sure thing. Here's a nickel, kid. Don't spend it all in the one place.   

       <re-reads thread>   

       // mockery and derision of the world's finest instrument //   

       Eh ? The Mouse Organ isn't mentioned once ...
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       Your uppance is coming, Borg. Just as soon as I have enough to pay for the postage.
Alterother, Mar 15 2012

       Send it collect. Our existing uppance has never been the same since [MB]'s malignant pseudorelative Sturton borrowed it. It's a nice one too, but now the fittings are loose, the brasswork has lost its shine, and the Vox Pachydermis pedal squeaks because he put cheap motor oil in the lubricator. What the stains are, we shudder to think ...
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       While the Mouse Organ was an innovative and unique approach to the musical arts, there never has been nor will there be a more stirring and evocative instrument than the bagpipe, in any of its superlative forms. Anything that can be classified as both an instrument of music and of warfare is a winner in my book.   

       (For those who think I'm kidding about the instrument of warfare thing, I'm not. Scottish Highland Pipes are officially classified as warfighting implements in the UK.)
Alterother, Mar 15 2012

       They're classified as "offensive weapons" , which isn't quite the same thing - the accent being on "offensive" -rather like capsicum spray for the ears.   

       Actually, "Reversing Bagpipes", i.e. bagpipes capable of sucking up and containing the noise made by standard bagpipes, would be a boon to every living entity with a sense of hearing.
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       A reverse psychological phenomenon drum roll would be kind'a cool,with the assistance of 'ter Brugghen'.
skinflaps, Mar 15 2012

       What [8th] said!!
I was thinking of a way to say it...
xandram, Mar 15 2012

Alterother, Mar 15 2012

       //[MB]'s malignant pseudorelative Sturton//   

       Sturton is sometimes malign, but never malignant. He has not yet found a woman prepared to metastasize with him. (The intercalary twin, on the other hand... no, let's not go there.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2012

       Let's not. We're far from certain that we want to know what caused those stains, and in such a strange place, too.   

       Perhaps we are blaming Sturton unfairly ... maybe it was The Other One who was responsible. It wouldn't be the first time.   

       We think it's time you sat him down and explained to him that no female with the requisite number of chromosomes and a non-ambient body temperature is going to allow him near her until he stops doing it, or at least stops doing it so obviously and with such relish.
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       Oh, believe me, Sturton has no trouble getting women. It's just that none of them are prepared to consider procreating with him. It's mainly to do with the size of his cranium, and the possibility that it might be hereditable.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2012

       What happened to the hat we bought him for his birthdays ? He hasn't eaten that one as well, has he ?   

       If he carries on with those disgusting habits of his, harm will come to him. Eventually, the ointment will stop being effective, and even his digestive system can only cope with just so much abuse.   

       Of course it's hereditable. Just be glad it can't be transmitted to humans (or indeed any of the higher anthropoids). Tell him to go and talk to his Great Aunt OOook-Ookkha-Eee-EEEE-Eh <scratch-left-ear> if he doesn't believe you.   

       And for Heaven's sake, keep him away from the goats during the next full moon. It's not big, and it's not clever, and eventually the Special Enforcement Branch of the Royal Horticultural Society are going to catch up with him, and it cost a fortune to pay them off last time. Besides, a body can only stand a certain amount of hormone rooting powder ...
8th of 7, Mar 15 2012

       // It's not big, and it's not clever// On behalf of myself, Sturton and the intercalary, I'd have to disagree with at least half of that statement. Heredity is a wonderful thing at times.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2012

       //Reversing bagpipes//   

       They can be turned inside out for another tartan, and a quick change of clan affiliation?
Ling, Mar 15 2012

       Sadly, nothing so creative. These fools are actually implying that bagpipes make sounds that are unattractive to the ear, which is a scurrilous lie.
Alterother, Mar 15 2012

       The noise should be a recording of a bagpipe *played backwards* I mean a backwards recording of a bagpipe played forwards. I mean a recording, backwards-played, of a bagpipe (forwards-played). I mean ... aw hell.
mouseposture, Mar 16 2012

       // implying that bagpipes make sounds that are unattractive to the ear //   

       I was implying that bagpipes make sounds that are unattractive to the bowels, balls and brains. I apologize for the lack of clarity.
baconbrain, Mar 16 2012

       Right - let's just try an experiment. The next time any of you are out and about, and you see a lorry in the act of reversing, and start to hear the <beep> <beep> and can see the driver hanging out of his cab window, looking rearward - putting the vehicle into reverse - just imagine for a moment, the sound of the drones gently starting up, and then, as the lorry begins to move, the tweetling of some tune or other emanating from deep within the vehicle's cowling, only coming to a stop once the manoeuvre is complete with a final satisfied, dying wheeze.   

       Once you go through this mental process, come back and report your findings here and, we'll bring all of this speculation to conclusion.
zen_tom, Mar 16 2012

       Errr Ok, tried that ... errr .. what do you advise if you find that you've given in to an irresistible urge to strangle the truck driver ?
8th of 7, Mar 16 2012

       //what do you advise if you find that you've given in to an irresistible urge to strangle the truck driver ?// Hmm, I get that with Toyota Yaris drivers - but that's totally unrelated to bagpipe usage. Impotent rage and judicious use of the horn usually does the trick.   

       In Scotland, pedestrian crossings will be converted so as to replace the <beeps> with more piping. This is actually the first thing Alex Salmond is planning post "Devo-max" - Belisha beacons being replaced with Salmond Crossings, thus cementing his legacy with publically funded musical street furniture.
zen_tom, Mar 16 2012

       With St. Patty's here agaim, cities across the USA will soon celebrate a pseudo-Irish holiday with parades featuring Scottish pipes, which is somehow an ironically acceptable behavior for Amercans.   

       What this means, aside from the fact that we true appreciators will once again have the opportunity to hear the finest music in the world murdered by organized gangs of cops and firemen wearing ambiguous-tartan kilts, is that this is the perfect time to conduct this real-world experiment.
Alterother, Mar 16 2012

       I'd try to confirm that for you, if I had a soul.
baconbrain, Mar 16 2012

       I'm pondering a set of bagpipes with an internal robot such that it can walk around on its own. One would want to be sure the pipes could still play and the robotics did not occlude any opening.   

       Maybe more easily done as a stop motion animation.
bungston, Mar 16 2012

       //   What the hell are you smoking !?!?   //   

       Sounds like you could use some today. I'd gladly send you a sample of mine, but the badge-wearing people who are currently ignoring me because I'm mostly harmless would probably hang me up by my toes as an example to others if I did that. Instead, why not sit back and listen to the soothing dulcet tones of the Uillean pipes?
Alterother, Mar 16 2012

       Well, I'm glad to hear something turned out right for you today. I certainly wasn't advocating, more commenting that every once in a while we all need to get out of our own heads for a little bit, method optional.
Alterother, Mar 17 2012

       One is greatly disappointed that this did not involve bagpipe players being inflated and exploding.   

       I love bagpipes, though... my cats, on the other hand...
StarChaser, Mar 23 2012

       Welcome back StarChaser! Long time, no hear!

I've tried z_t's thought experiment and I have to say it was remarkably effective. There's nothing quite like the sound of early stage bagpipes to rapidly clear a danger area of itinerant humans. Also effective on birds, cats, dogs, most species of insects, plants, trees, ageing paint, rusting ironwork and dilapidated park benches. +
DrBob, Mar 28 2012


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