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Rube Goldberg Diaphram

For people that want DETERMINED kids...
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The Zen diaphragm got me to thinking. Why not a diaphragm that REALLY puts those spermatozoa to the test? I propose a diaphragm with miniature Rube Goldberg contraptions built in using nanotechnology. There would be obstacles that the sperm would have to negotiate in order to win the right to battle the female body for fertilization. It would start out with a tiny balloon with a miniature basket that would carry the sperm to a needle on a stick that then pops the balloon. As it falls, the weight displacement causes the basket to rotate dump the sperm onto a teeny tiny bucket placed on a microscopic seesaw that then launches a miniature cat onto a miniscule piece of rug suspended from the roof of the diagram. The small cat grabs onto the rug, causing a small accumulation of static charge to travel across a nanowire. This nanowire connects to the world's smallest lightbulb, which now turns on. The infinitesimal amount of light produced by this bulb now awakens a crotchety old nanobot that promptly mini-dropkicks the bucket of sperm through a small opening in the diaphragm. The final result being overachiever kids with pure Type-A personalities and a genetic predisposition to winning lotteries.
eyeguy, Jan 26 2004

Rube Goldberg website http://www.halfbake...w.rube-goldberg.com
The shortest distance between two objects is a seesaw [eyeguy, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

4 Men's Health http://www.4-men.org/maleinfertility.html
[Klaatu, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


sperm, Jan 26 2004

       you of course would get a "bye". Likewise anyone named "ova".
eyeguy, Jan 26 2004

       Sounds like a three ring circus. Why not let the spermies just play "Wheel of Fortune"? All the happless spermatazoa have to play "Wheel of Incineration"
Tiger Lily, Jan 26 2004

       I do not think that this method would produce ‘any’ children. According to 4 Men’s Health <link> “Although it takes only one sperm to fertilize an egg, an average ejaculation contains nearly 200 million sperm. The natural barriers in the female reproductive tract prevent all but about 40 sperm from reaching the egg.”   

       That calculates to a 0.0000002% chance of any, single sperm fertilizing an egg. So, to become pregnant, statistically, a man and a woman would have to engage in intercourse approximately 1,000,000 times before they could produce offspring. When do they ever sleep?
Klaatu, Jan 26 2004

       Let’s see...if you’re a sperm, the odds of surviving to impregnate an egg are about a billion to one, even without this Rube Goldberg nano-sized torture chamber. And the chances of dying in the attempt are 999,999,999 out of 1,000,000,000. Not so good. Not only that, but your daddy and his daddy and his daddy on down the line were all successful. Every last one of ‘em, a line of winners extending back a hundred million years. Pathological type A personalities all. Saying, come on boy, don’t let us down.

Jesus, what pressure!
ldischler, Jan 26 2004

       An idea that combines Rube Goldberg with sex is pure genius. +
mrthingy, Jan 26 2004

       Won't the sperm you're looking for just re-route the cat to a mouse trap and funnel combination which would cause the crotchety old man's nanoscale cane to drop on the egg, break it open, and allow them all to get in?
ye_river_xiv, Mar 12 2008

       A woman is the ultimate Rube Goldberg machine in my opinion.
marklar, Mar 12 2008


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