Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Crack police unit of squatters charged with removing squatters from squats by squatting in them
  (+12, -1)(+12, -1)
(+12, -1)
  [vote for,

This police unit is exhaustively trained in the ancient Romany art of property law elusion and expert locksmithery. Upon receiving a report of a squat from a disgruntled homeowner, the team keep the property under surveillance until such time as all its occupants are elsewhere, then break in without causing any property damage and change all the locks.

If challenged by the squatters, the team's sergeant replies in an undecipherable language, innocently conveying by gesticulatory means that they bought the home off some bloke, but don't know where he is right now, sorry, it's our house now, bye.

Once inside, the team claims squatters' rights of occupancy, removes the previous "tenants"' belongings and respectfully leaves them in bin bags outside. They then diligently sit about until the owner returns; at which point the keys are handed over, they give the place a quick once-over and move on.

theleopard, Sep 21 2011

"A Bird In The Hand" http://i51.tinypic.com/8x1lxu.jpg
(Dead Men Don't Cry) [theleopard, Sep 22 2011]

I don't pretend to know the answer... http://www.thesun.c...is-off-for-now.html
I believe they actually own the land... [po, Sep 22 2011]

Twats http://www.guardian...ne-mayfair-eviction
[theleopard, Sep 23 2011]


       Excellent. [+]
8th of 7, Sep 21 2011

       Needs to be run by a Chief Inspector Diddley. [+]
zen_tom, Sep 21 2011

       I think we've been short-changed to the tune of one acronym. What does S.Q.U.A.T. stand for?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 21 2011

       Why, it's the Surreptitious Qualified Urban Auto-eviction Team, of course.   

       (Um... little help?)   

       (EDIT - nice one [21])
theleopard, Sep 21 2011

       Bun only if they rappel down the property walls saying 'Hut! Hut! Hut!'
RayfordSteele, Sep 21 2011

       <bun whore> Done! </bw>
theleopard, Sep 21 2011

       What [8th] said. [+]
Grogster, Sep 21 2011

       //Needs to be run by a Chief Inspector Diddley.//   

       "How many rights they got Diddley?" – "Squat!"
theleopard, Sep 21 2011

Gives knew meening to the term cop a squat.

       Have a croissant, pal.
sugar pants, Sep 22 2011

       Thanks [sugar pants]!   

       If only Frank Drebin was in charge... <linky>
theleopard, Sep 22 2011

       This has been suggested in the past as a means to remove non-paying tenants without the need for lengthy and expensive legal procedures.   

       No police necessary.   

       Simply call 'Rent-a-Squatter' and a small contingent will occupy the property in the manner described. The new occupants are equipped to create the temporary illusion of a property most unhospitable to the errant tenant.   

       The fee might be a nominal cash sum and an agreed period of free occupancy.   

Twizz, Sep 22 2011

       Fumigation provides the same result in much less time, and the striped tents add a festive air to the mass extermination of society's undesirables.
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       Suspiciously Quiet Utilitarian Abode Terratorialisers
goff, Sep 22 2011

       I get all my Adobe Tactics from [xenzag].
theleopard, Sep 22 2011

       What do Canadians know about adobe? Isn't it a little rainy up there for mud-based architecture?
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       I'm not 'guessing' common etymology so much as I am abusing it for a cheap joke.
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       I was referring to my own.   

       Again, for cheap laughs.
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       It'll only get worse if you encourage me.
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       -1 sorry. this is very clever I admit but there's always another side to the story.
po, Sep 22 2011

       I wonder how many of us would let somebody stay on thier vacant property free of charge if that person simply asked for permission. I'm tempted to say that I might...
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       my futile anno - love it!
po, Sep 22 2011

       you obviously know more about it than me.
po, Sep 22 2011

       //Exempting yourself from the rules of society is simply not an option unless you go someplace where there *are* no rules//   

Exempting yourself from societies rules is the first step to changing those rules.
I had no say in the making of the rules and laws of the society that I live in and I feel no compulsion to obey the ones that fall outside my own moral code.

       Ever gone a few days without eating [21 Quest] or *had* to sleep outside because of the shit-kicking you've just finished taking from the same society who's rules you are supposed to cow-tow to?
Your view might change a tad.

       Can you tell that I come from Gypsy stock?   

Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       No fair, I knew *you* knew.
I come from Russian German Jew Dutch Belgian Indians with the briefest of stops in England. My kin done been chased outta just about everywhere til we found room enough to swing a dead cat without offending someone or other.

       If my own moral code wasn't a bit stricter than the laws imposed by society I'd probably be in all kinds of crap by now is all I'm saying.   

       Well, I'd chase you out if you kept swinging dead cats around!
theleopard, Sep 22 2011

       Yeah, it can get really irritating with all those laser dots flying around the walls.
Alterother, Sep 22 2011

       //Disenfranchised Immigrant Settler Community Orchestration//   

       The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!
theleopard, Sep 23 2011

       //culture and state act as one// [bigsleep] I know you mean well, but that is a terrible, terrible idea.
mouseposture, Sep 23 2011

       Count your blessings.
I was not quite as lucky and hit the skids a couple of times when I was younger. I managed to avoid theft or turning to other crime, (hence the days without eating), but I've been desperate enough to know that it wouldn't have taken many more straws...

       There are far worse things than sleeping in someones empty property and if society doesn't provide ways for people to haul themselves out of the gutter then people will do what they think they have to.
You might not think so but you would too.

       Not much sympathy for gypsies I'm afraid. Been set upon by their ilk too many times to give a monkeys about their semi-self-imposed plight. The ones I've met have been violent, thieving scumbags, that threw their punches before I even had a chance to spit.   

       But the idea isn't about gypsies, it's about squatters. Some of whom genuinely need a place to live, I'll admit, and they deserve to be helped. But just stealing a house because you haven't got one isn't really cricket. And there is help available as [21] points out.   

       What gets on my nipples is these self-important "anarchists", who steal properties out of some fallacious anti-capitalist idealism. Just looks like free inner-city accommodation for pretentious out-of-work artists to me.
theleopard, Sep 23 2011

       You've been meeting the wrong gypsies then, there's bad ones in every lot y'know. Hi, m'name's Randy. Nice to meet you.   

       Seriously though, you can't imagine a series of circumstances that would cause you to take shelter in a dwelling that isn't housing anyone?   

More cake anyone?

       2fries could squat in my spare bedroom any time he likes ...
po, Sep 23 2011

       Well, I can't touch those stories, my thumb-gypsy days were all about keeping moving.   

       I did occasionally sleep without permission (list updated) in a barn, on a back porch of a dance studio, in a hay storage shed, in a car, a couple of times on construction sites (once up on the scaffolding, heard the security guard make his rounds unknowing), under many a freeway overpass, in a storm drain, under a bush, under a department store, next to a hotel pool on their lounger, on the roof of an elementry school, but it was always just overnight and back on the highway early in the morning.   

       I also had many a person take me into their homes and let me spend the night in their living room, much to the amusement of their children.   

       Wow, that brought back some memories.
normzone, Sep 23 2011

       norm, you can cwtch up with 2fries as well! might ask you both to trim the hedge etc...
po, Sep 23 2011

       [po], I'd be happy to trim your hedge anytime ;-) Let me get my passport renewed.
normzone, Sep 23 2011

       Interesting experiences here. Lets just say I know what a cow fence is and what side to sleep on.
rcarty, Sep 23 2011

       Ditto [po]. I might just get to go there some year.   

       Yeah, [21], that was pretty much the reaction I always encountered. It was rare that somebody would veto me sleeping some spot, and on those occasions they always recommended a nearby spot where I could spend the night unnoticed.   

       Not building fires or leaving trash was key to being welcome. I called it sneak camping, back before the words ninja or stealth were common useage.   

       Occasionally it would turn into a day's work. I worked construction in upstate New York one summer as a result of my travels. Apologies to [theleopard] for thread hijacking.
normzone, Sep 23 2011

       No, no, by all means.   

       I think the strangest place I've slept was in the carriage of an old broken 1920s passenger train, in a disused train station in Arica, Northern Chile. Of course, I did have a hotel room, somewhere, I just couldn't find it.
theleopard, Sep 24 2011

       I guess my perspective is different; I've been a squatter, if that's what you'd call a guy who camps on your land for one night w/o permission because he didn't want to wake you up. I've also had people do same on my land recently, which didn't piss me off enough to head for the 12ga, but now that I'm older and curmudgeonly it bothered me a little until I noticed they were gone by mid-morning and realized I was being a little hypocritical.
Alterother, Sep 24 2011


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