Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Seven Stages of Grief Tow-Away Alarm

It’s Come to This
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This is a car alarm that senses when it is being picked up by a tow truck. A high quality external speaker system is mounted throughout the vehicle. A separate battery backup is hidden to prevent tow truck drivers from trying to shut it off by opening the hood and disconnecting the battery.

Upon detecting that the car is being hoisted up (utilizing angle, tire weight, sound and flashing light sensors) the alarm immediately goes into the first two stages of grief: shock (or disbelief) and denial. The speakers mounted everywhere spring to life and boom out in a strangely etheric way, “…What??? Oh, no, NO, NOOOO!!!!; this CANNOT be happening right now!! You’re not here! You CAN’T be doing this to me! Not NOW!!!...”

As the car is being hooked up with chains and restraints, it moves swiftly into the anger stage: “…Hey, cut that out!! <now honking horn wildly> OW!! Watch where you stick that hook! You’re making me very angry! Do you have any idea who owns me?!?! I’ll have your head on a stick! Put me down this instant!!…”

Sensing recalcitrance on the part of the tow truck driver, the alarm voice softens and goes into the bargaining stage; “…Look, we can be reasonable about this, right? I’m sure my owner will be back directly and can explain everything. In the meantime, <alarm now remotely unlatches trunk, which flies open> please have some of these tasty After Dinner Mints! Please, do take some home for your significant other! I’m sure there is SOMETHING we can do to put this messy business behind us, hmm??? Oh, look there; isn’t that a $20 bill stuck in the spare tire well?...”

Now sensing the sound of the driver climbing back into his truck and slamming the door on any kind of bargain, it shifts quickly into the guilt and depression stages; simulated tears (in the form of windshield washer fluid) begin to squirt out; “…WAAAAA!!! <sobbing and wailing loudly> Oh, what’s the use!! How could it possibly get worse! Oh, God; it just did!!! We’re rolling right past that cute little Corvette down the street!!...” As the tow truck winds its way out of the neighborhood, house lights are coming on everywhere as curious onlookers peer out at the shameful (and annoyingly loud) spectacle passing by.

At long last, cold and alone, windshield washer fluid long since spent, in a remote corner of the impound lot, the alarm at last enters the acceptance and hope stage; clinging to the slim hope that its owner will follow its trail of tears and soon rescue it from this dark and dismal place.

Windshield washer fluid sold separately.

Grogster, Jan 28 2014


       I like a good story with a hook. [+]
AusCan531, Jan 28 2014

       + 'tis cute - like a children's storybook car.
xandram, Jan 29 2014


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