h a l f b a k e r y"It would work, if you can find alternatives to each of the steps involved in this process."
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To help you get over the loneliness since you again got dumped by Charlie/Charlene (same person at weekends), purchase the new Sex Sounds Machine. With options ranging from 'before-work quickie' to 'post-apocalyptic screams', this apparatus will simulate even the most realistic of orgasms. Record your
own voice upon it thus making you (and that nosy granny across the hall with a glass to the wall) truly believe you are not some desperate bachelor/ette who hasn't had it in days/weeks/months/years/centuries (delete as applicable).
Music using sex sounds
http://www.ananova.....weirdworld.sexlife
[Letsbuildafort, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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[Letsbuildafort's link] I have heard an album of dance music with porno samples as vocals. |
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[M-F-D] more joke than invention. sorry |
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smile if you?.. she says smugly.. |
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[Tiger Lily] What on earth do you mean Vagina envy? I'm a girl and consequently have one of those, no need for envy |
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[TigerLily] Erm, not that I mean to go on a rant here but I consider myself to be someone with quite a lot of humour. And this comment was meant as nothing more than this. It had made several girls I know laugh with no hint of an anti-feminist attitude from any of them. However, I do take great exception to your comments which are frankly insulting and have no place on this site. I don't know if these views are your commonly-held ones or if you have been brainwashed by some lurid psycho-babble but please refrain from airing your personal frustrations out on me when you really don't know anything about me. Have a nice day. |
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wow - sounds as if Madame Blighty is just a tad wound up right now, TL |
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hmm, perhaps just playing the tape of sex sounds doesn't have quite the same relaxing effect... |
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You're right, seedy, apparently I have the version where the actor had trouble getting it up. Soundbites of a random male grunting for thirty seconds and ending with 'oh bugger it's no use' to raucous female laughter doesn't quite meet the machine's purpose. |
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French Kiss by Lil Louis is a classic house track from 88/89 that used the sound of love to make a great tune. |
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Mistress Bling, interestingly enough you exclude yourself
from earlier
ranting much further bend out of shape in one
annotation alone than any of my comments put together
recently. |
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Tiger Lily. I have got no idea what you are on about. |
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It's a good thing there's no [m-f-d]: "catfight." |
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I want to see how this plays out. |
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There are a couple of missing annos which means that the cat fight makes even less sense than before. |
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[sufc] //I have got no idea what you are on about// |
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neither have I.
I feel a strange sense of achievement that the first idea I posted has caused such sontroversy! |
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call this sontroversy? I say HAH and again HAH! |
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So the sonta claws will be coming out. |
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You should never have mentioned the French, [sufc]. |
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But, back to the idea. Fishbone. Fake sex noises are widely baked. So is having a machine that plays them loud for your neighbours to enjoy. |
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Charlie/Charlene are split? Dang! Why am I the last to know? <rushes off to the phone to sympathize with Charlene, then makes date with Charlie> |
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// I feel a strange sense of achievement...// |
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Heh, I find you humorous after all, Mistress Bling. |
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Deriving a sense of achievement from cat bouncing after
your cat got off having snapped your Strap-ons@,
is indeed funny. It's certainly strange. |
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A sex sounds machine that reproduced the sounds of animals having sex would be very funny, and would keep the neighbors talking for ages, "Has that chap got a sheep in his apartment.... again!!!" |
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Can't you just masturbate or something? |
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AAAh! a machine that blasts out wanking noises, wow! you could leave this going all night long, then walk out of your apartment with a wicked grin on your face and a huge blob of fake semen hanging off your ear just like in "Something about Mary". |
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Nice, Mickey, reeeeel nice. urgh |
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Sorry Squeak, I blame Waugs for my last annotation..... |
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does listening have the same effect? perhaps it could be a sleep aid for insomniacs: |
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"simply listen to this tape of you faking your own orgasm, and in no time you'll be off in dreamland*" |
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Didn't something like this land Frank Zappa in jail? |
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