Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Silent Vuvuzela Dog Repellent Whistle

Finally, A Night's Sleep...
  [vote for,

A vuvuzela, whether played by a complete novice or accomplished professional, is one of the more unpleasant sounds on planet earth (second only to Yoko Ono albums). <see links>

A silent dog whistle has been used for years to teach dogs to come when called or to perform other inane pet tricks. GROGco is pleased to announce it has taken the next bold step in vuvuzela technology --- the worlds first Silent Vuvuzela Dog Repellent Whistle! Above the range of human hearing, this whistle emits sound that will have every neighborhood dog (and, no doubt, some of the cats) running for the hills or the nearest cover to get away from the horrible screeching high frequency sound.

Now the nightly chorus of barking dogs (and cats in heat) will quickly learn that the best way to get you to stop blowing the GROGco Silent Vuvuzela Dog Repellent Whistle is to stop barking and run and hide.

Not sold in stores. Not sold within a 200 mile radius of the Westminster Dog Show. Ask about our discounts for postal employees.

Grogster, Jun 21 2013

Like This, Except Only Fido Can Hear It... https://www.youtube...watch?v=1BIgnEiT8ow
[Grogster, Jun 21 2013]

Another Solemn Selection from Yoko (Lyrics Provided)... https://www.youtube...watch?v=HdZ9weP5i68
[Grogster, Jun 22 2013]


       I'd like some information on your discounts for postal employees, please.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 21 2013

       And darned if you didn't ask... <here's GROG thinking, "...Boy, I'm getting good at this ad copy stuff -- I wonder how I can incorporate subliminal messages...">
Grogster, Jun 21 2013

       Special Note to [MaxB]: This technology has not been field tested on moles.
Grogster, Jun 21 2013

       Would that be because of a notable absence of moles? If so, is that not sufficient field testing in and of itself?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 21 2013

       By Jove, you're right [MaxB]!   

       If after blowing the whistle we looked out across the horizon and saw no trace of moles, how else could you possibly interpret that? The whistle is **obviously** effective against moles!   

       (we also didn't see Elvis, Nessie, or flying saucers)
Grogster, Jun 21 2013

       It is my understanding that some folks think that vuvuzelas are running neck-and-neck with bagpipes for the worst musical output. Perhaps you need to mention more than one type of dog whistle, here. :)
Vernon, Jun 22 2013

       Good Point, [Vern]; now that you mention it I have never heard of someone just starting out playing the bagpipes or practicing for hours on end. A couple of reasons for that might be:   

       -- No one ever practices. Every time you see someone playing "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes, they are doing so for the first time. When they wear that guy out, they send him off to the Insane Asylum for Those Recently Exposed to Bagpipes. When next they need to perform, they go fetch the next unsuspecting guy off the street with the promise of free beer and a snappy new wardrobe. Next thing he knows, he's standing in a football field wearing a kilt and belting out the tunes on the pipes.   

       -- They **DO** practice, but in a secluded French chateau in the Pyrenees mountains, where the disturbing sounds can only affect the occasional French passer-by and the native alpine mountain goats already driven to distraction by generations of would-be bagpipers. (As an aside, this neatly explains the head butting behavior, calling into question the whole "mating ritual" explanation you hear on the teevee nature shows)   

       This may require more study. If the government is passing out millions in grants to study shrimp on treadmills, Shirley they can spare a bit for this worthy pointless exercise.
Grogster, Jun 22 2013

       Being both a dog owner and professional dog caretaker, I have several types of 'silent' dog whistles (I put that in quotes because my wife can hear about half of them, and she is most definitely not a dog). Very rarely have I found a dog that falls silent when I blow any of them. Most dogs cower and whine until I stop blowing, then resume barking. Some dogs begin to bark even louder, as though the whistle is a challenge. A few even advance on me as if to attack.   

       I've had the best results with electronic anti-bark devices, the best of which emit a hypersonic 'clicking' noise rather than a whistle. This seems to distract the dog into dumbfounded silence rather than maddening it (or, in the case of a few of the dogs that come into my care, maddening it _further_).
Alterother, Jun 22 2013


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