New from BorgCo, this innovative product is ideal for any reality-
obsessed moron whos dwelling has a functioning fireplace.
Stamped from heavy-gauge galvanized and welded steel, rust- and weather-proofed, and realistically
coloured with baked-on glazed enamel, the Simon Cowl drops
onto any standard chimney pot.
When the fire is lit, the gaping mouth emits an unending stream of
hot air and poisonous vapour, while swivelling in all directions
depending on which way the wind's blowing.
Within the device, a system of pipes, vanes and flaps produces a
highly predictable alternating whining and droning at an
unpleasant loud volume. The sound can be muted by stuffing
large-denomination currency notes into the mouth.
Just like the real thing ...