Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Sink Basingstoke in the morning

Raise it in the evening
  (+4, -1)
(+4, -1)
  [vote for,

I've noticed that my average miles per gallon is 44 in the morning and 43 in the evening. I strongly suspect the reason is that where I work is lower than where I live by about 100 yards over the ten mile journey.

I live near Basingstoke, although I don't yet work there. This large town gets an influx of car borne commuters in the morning and a corresponding outflux in the evening. It would make sense to sink the entire town ready for the morning rush hour so commuters could coast in. Later, they could coast out again once the entire town had been raised. They will all be very happy to save a bit of petrol money.

How shall we do this? Fabulous engineering of course; hydraulics, rubber roads, safety barriers, hamster power.

How shall we pay for this? Financial engineering of course.

DenholmRicshaw, Mar 13 2011

"...for the daring who live uphill..." Land_20luge_20commuter_20lanes
[normzone, Mar 14 2011]

...for those of us not in the know... http://maps.google....m=1&ved=0CBwQ8gEwAA
[normzone, Mar 15 2011]

Liz Hurley http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liz_Hurley
Daughter of Basingstoke [DenholmRicshaw, Mar 16 2011]

Wikipedia: Basingstoke http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basingstoke
[zen_tom, Mar 16 2011]

Basings....Hmph "Northhampsire" Promotional http://www.youtube.com/v/qbNlsR_o5do&rel


       [Denholm] First, it's a great and brave thing what you have done. Few people are prepared to admit to living near Basingstoke. Even those of us who escaped twenty years ago still just say "I come from Hampshire".
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2011

       Dig a cylindrical hole -- large, very large. Line with material of high thermal conductivity, not prone to corrosion -- aluminium, say -- continuous with network of heat- exchangers on the surface. Fill the hole with fluid having high coefficient of thermal expansion, reasonably inert, and as dense as possible -- mercury, say. On top of the fluid, float a piston, sized to fit the hole snugly. On top of the piston, put Basingstoke.   

       (Solar mirrors, directed at the heat exchangers may be needed. These can also be used to incinerate attacking siege engines.)
mouseposture, Mar 13 2011

       // On top of the piston, put Basingstoke.//   

       And you were doing so well.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2011

       We too had great hopes that this would be something along the lines of "Sink The Bismark !" or "Tora ! Tora ! Tora !"...   

       "Come friendly bombs and fall on Baisingstoke" just doesn't rhyme or scan, no matter how appropriate.
8th of 7, Mar 13 2011

       sp. “oy cum frumam shrr”
pocmloc, Mar 13 2011

       sp. "frumaaaam"
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 13 2011

       From where I live, it takes about 20 minutes to drive to the edge of Basingstoke. Time then seems to slow down for the then stationary observer.
DenholmRicshaw, Mar 14 2011

       That presupposes that, having visited Basingstoke and then left again, you would contemplate returning.   

       Even the Ferengi wouldn't acquire Basingstoke if it was offered to them free ...
8th of 7, Mar 14 2011

       //Come friendly bombs and fall on Baisingstoke" just doesn't rhyme or scan, no matter how appropriate.//

Sounds like a challenge..

I once knew a man who claimed he had this dream
About explosive combustion and a commuting theme.
Though a peculiar cove, he was a cheery sort of bloke.
Come friendly bombs and fall on Basingstoke!
DrBob, Mar 14 2011

8th of 7, Mar 14 2011

       [Denholm]'s ace plan to raise his MPG
Hard? Yes but that's a triviality
Turns out it would slaughter some Hampshire folk,
Come friendly bombs and fall on Basingstoke!
hippo, Mar 14 2011

       Though [Denholm] claims he only drives
to Basingstoke but lives outside,
his mileage problem pales beside
his workplace woes.

Fall, friendly bombs, for Basingstoke
could use a brand new coat of smoke.
We'll liberate this [Denholm] bloke!
All 'Ayes'? No 'Noes'?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2011

       The Ferengi took Basingstoke in the eleventh century.
nineteenthly, Mar 14 2011

       //No 'Noes'// So how do they smell?
pocmloc, Mar 14 2011

       //average miles per gallon is 44 in the morning and 43 in the evening//   

       Perhaps it's some part of the same puzzle, why is it £17.44 to send a one kilo parcel airmail to Japan, but it's £14.08 to send the same parcel airmail Japan to UK...it's downhill?
not_morrison_rm, Mar 14 2011

       The mileage difference could be because of the higher humidity and lower temperature of the morning air.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2011

       Suggest category change to public:city: ?
rcarty, Mar 14 2011

       // why is it £17.44 to send a one kilo parcel airmail to Japan//   

       Prices should drop, now that the distance is a little less.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2011

       too spoon?
4whom, Mar 14 2011

       Why wait until the morning?
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Mar 14 2011

       This does seem to have tapped into a deep anti Basingtoke sentiment. Carry on...
DenholmRicshaw, Mar 14 2011

       How far from The Anus of Hampshire to you actually live? As far as I've been able to establish, civilisation doesn't really begin until you reach Odiham.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 14 2011

       14 miles
DenholmRicshaw, Mar 15 2011

       It may not be true now, but the same train journey at similar times in opposite directions used to be charged at different rates. For instance, it would generally cost less to travel from London to a northern city than the other way because travelling to London was more in demand. Presumably journeys made along the same track at entirely identical times would involve the train company paying compensation to the next of kin.
nineteenthly, Mar 15 2011

       We're talking about the Basingstoke in Westphalia, right?
ytk, Mar 15 2011

       Yes. Eastern Westphalia, in South Hamphire.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2011

       I have a theory, based on evidence gathered from having travelled to some far-flung places, everywhere not only looks like Basingstoke, in fact, it is Basingstoke.   

       I could expand on this but the point is that if I'm right, you'll never get rid of the place.
DenholmRicshaw, Mar 15 2011

       Don't say that, you're frightening us.
8th of 7, Mar 15 2011

       //having travelled to some far-flung places, everywhere not only looks like Basingstoke, in fact, it is Basingstoke.//   

       That's a popular misunderhension. Ever since the new ring- road system was introduced, it is possible to travel for over seven hours without ever leaving Basingstoke.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 15 2011

       Ah, Bracknell, the Royston Vasey of Berkshire ...
8th of 7, Mar 15 2011

       // angry psychotic manager at Microsoft //   

       Highly unlikely. The only emotional expression they're capable of is smug, complacent indifference.
8th of 7, Mar 15 2011

       In fact, everywhere IS Basingstoke. When I travel to Heathrow, I'm actually going to Liz Hurley International Airport just to the north of Basingstoke. When I fly to somewhere, in fact, I circle around only to land back at LHIA.   

       While in the air, they've changed the climate, terrain, residents, cars and even GPS has been nobbled. Unfortunately, they forget about the architecture, particularly the hotels, offices and fast food outlets.   

       They can't fool me.
DenholmRicshaw, Mar 16 2011

       I once broke down on the M3, just outside of Basingstoke, it was the fanbelt, which was annoying as nobody in the car was wearing tights, and I'd have quite liked to have tried out that thing.   

       I had to get the train down a few days later, to pick up the car, and found the place to be reasonably drab, albeit with a prevailing sense of Swindon.
zen_tom, Mar 16 2011

       //I once broke down on the M3//

You should learn to control your emotions, z_t, and stop being such a big girl's blouse. You'll never be a proper Englishman until you do.

[Alternative Serving]

//I once broke down on the M3//

Yes, Basingstoke can have that effect on people.
DrBob, Mar 16 2011

       You also need to factor in relativistic effects.
8th of 7, Jun 07 2011

       Not if your relatives are in the car on both the outbound and inbound journeys.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2011

       Anyone who is having a bit of a bad day or what have you should watch the video that I linked to. It caused me to feel much much better about my own life. I literally had to watch it twice, to get everything, then a third time to make sure that it wasn't actually a parody.
WcW, Jun 07 2011

       // make sure that it wasn't actually a parody //   

       Shirley you can't be serious ... ?
8th of 7, Jun 07 2011

       The video is a lot better if you turn on Google's automatic audio transcription system (in beta testing, it seems). It adds to the enjoyment with such phrases as "hello my name is typical private savita".
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 07 2011

       I challenge you to view that video and explain why each cut was included if not to subtly point out the mediocrity. The opening swamp shot cuts to the shot of the ladies juryrigging the signs with duct-tape(!), then a shot of the name of the convention center (rented!) then the shot of the man tapping the floppy disk to make it work. Every single cut screams "hey, check out the mediocrity, these people are paying me to do this!"
WcW, Jun 08 2011

       I read this as "Kim Basinger in the morning".
spidermother, Jun 08 2011

       I suggest an adaptation of Dark City technology, with the added benefit that if you ever become bored with being someone who lives in Basingstoke, you can easily become someone else who lives in Basingstoke.
Alterother, Jun 08 2011


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