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Six Position Car Tail

A great improvement over old fashioned, out-dated, dual mode car tails
  [vote for,

Dog tails on cars have been around since forever, but they only wag or don't wag. Not any more.

Up= Aggressive stance

Neutral= Neither dominant or submissive

Down= Submissive

Up Wagging= Dominant but happy

Neutral Wagging= Just happily driving along

Down Wagging= An ugly display of weakness

Some people drive their cars aggressively as a display of their dominance. Little tricks like cutting people off, riding up on their bumper etc. The only way to communicate with these people is with a horn since discharging of firearms on the freeway can lead to hefty penalties.

Enter the six mode car tail. A motorized furry tail that connects to your rear bumper that's controlled from a switch on the dashboard. There are so many obvious uses for such a device that it scarcely needs examples but here's one.

When some self perceived alpha male rides up on your rear, you flip your tail to "Up Wagging". This shows that you do not accept his dominance but are still not letting his thuggish driving ruin your day. If you're down for a fight, flip it simply to "Up". If you don't care, leave it in "Neutral" or "Neutral Wagging". About the only time I'd use "Down" or "Down Wagging" is to be sarcastic but some people might find the need to tell the world they're weak and submissive. I wouldn't suggest using this position while driving in LA.

Obnoxious jerks would leave it in the "Up" (not wagging) position so we'd all know who they are while most of us would probably leave it in "Neutral" "Neutral Wagging" or "Up Wagging".

Driving down the freeway you'd feel like you were running with a pack of wild dogs.

doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

Peacock_20Tails_20for_20Cars [hippo, Oct 19 2012]

whale_20tail_20spoiler [hippo, Oct 19 2012]

Like this? http://www.seihin-w...2004/04/22_1443.php
The aftermarket version [Alterother, Oct 19 2012]

Or this... http://archive.card...preview/toyota-pod/
The concept car version [Alterother, Oct 19 2012]


       [+] I don't know which is worse: that you spent all that time working something silly out in such detail, or that I spent the time to read it and agree that it's a good idea.
FlyingToaster, Oct 19 2012

       Bit wordy I guess. I wrote it right before going to sleep and I think the clicking of the keys sort of made me zone out.   

       I do like the idea of seeing the general mood of the road though. I picture a mixture of neutral, up and down for a commute for instance, while a road full of people going to a concert or sporting event would all have their tails in "Wag" mode.   

       I wonder if I could make money just selling a solar powered wagging tail where you could set the position once and forget about it. They'd wag faster on sunny days which would be kind of appropriate I guess.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       It needs a position for people who are using their cell phone. Perhaps dragging limply on the ground.
DIYMatt, Oct 19 2012

       I posted a "tails for cars" idea several years ago. It was mfd and I've forgotten why.
xenzag, Oct 19 2012

       Was it baked maybe? I'm not seeing anything on the web about car tails. That's the only reason I can see for it to be MFD.   

       Hate to take this down until there's something showing this was done before. If you like I'll put your name on it to defer the glory to you. Such as it is.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       If you'd like to put a name on it, start with names like Toyota, Sony, and Seihin World Automotive. <links>
Alterother, Oct 19 2012

       Re: the links.   

       Are we sure that's supposed to be a tail?   

       Clearly baked, down it goes. I'll leave it up long enough for everybody to see why it's coming down, say their final words etc.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       Oh, leave it up. As an anti-deletion 'baker, I'd hate to be the cause of deletion. Also, those real-world products are too unbelievably silly to not be brought under our scrutiny.
Alterother, Oct 19 2012

       On second thought, these tails have only 2 modes. Wagging and not wagging.   

       With the audience's permission I'm going to leave this up as a multi position car tail, an improvement over old fashioned car tails that only wag.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       //       these tails have only 2 modes. Wagging and not wagging.   //   

       And, for shame, this I knew prior to posting the links. I have sullied your genius in my haste to display my superior knowledge of existant automobile tails. For shame.
Alterother, Oct 19 2012

       The cutting edge science of automotive-canine trait convergence is a fast paced thrill ride. Nobody can be expected to know everything as we march boldly into the future.   

       The important thing is that progress marches on.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       With it's tail wagging.   

       EDIT: I witnessed some particularly clueless driving this morning - a series of five lane changes without one turn signal, culminating in crossing a simulated barrier to get into the carpool lane.   

       This device should have a periodic maintenance requirement. If you don't reset it every few minutes, it should indicate that you're not paying attention and you don't really care. Perhaps an especially spastic version of Neutral or Neutral Wagging. Kind of a Golden Retriver / Pomeranian setting.
normzone, Oct 19 2012

       Add a timer function? Good idea, because what if you change your mood and forget that you left the tail on? People see you pounding the dash and screaming at the radio, cellphone or God with a wagging tail on the back of your car they might get confused.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       Clearly, the car should be programmed to learn your driving habits over a few hundred miles. You set the tail at first and it will learn how you drive when you are happy vs how you drive when angry then after calibration it wags automatically.
DIYMatt, Oct 19 2012

       There's a couple of easy attachments you could hook up before getting into the a.i. stuff. Long blast on the car horn makes the tail stand up, two short toots causes it to wag.   

       I'm thinking you could also have the anatomically correct model for when flipping the tail up to express your differences just doesn't say enough.
doctorremulac3, Oct 19 2012

       [DIYMatt], check out the link about the Toyota Pod. Supposedly, it did exactly what you're describing.
Alterother, Oct 19 2012

       //Long blast on the car horn makes the tail stand up, two short toots causes it to wag// Shirley you would have a 'horn' that growls or woofs?
TomP, Oct 19 2012

       Those are perfectly authentic canine sounds; my dogs emit long blasts and short toots all day long.
Alterother, Oct 19 2012


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