Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Smart-Ass Talking Scale

"Whoa! Somebody's been hittin' the donuts. Way to gain 3 pounds fatass!"
  [vote for,

And no, it wouldn't be nice when you lose weight.

"Ok, so you lost a pound. What do you want? A parade?"

doctorremulac3, Feb 06 2018

How we destroy computers in science fiction https://www.youtube...watch?v=ZuYbDP2kDfg
The scale would have the occasional breakdown like this. "Impossible! Impossible! Human cannot gain 10 pounds in only 1 month! Malfunction! Malfunction!" [doctorremulac3, Feb 06 2018]

Talking bathroom scale http://smbc-comics.com/comic/insults
[mitxela, Feb 06 2018]

https://www.gettyim...picture-id873990406 "I speak your weight" These machines were once quite common. [xenzag, Feb 07 2018]


       [doc], you are destined to be the Kirby Groomkirby of the HB.
8th of 7, Feb 06 2018

       If you lost 10 lbs, it would say, "both feet on, you're not fooling anyone."
RayfordSteele, Feb 06 2018

       I looked up Kirby Goomkirby. Thanks?   

       //If you lost 10 lbs, it would say, "both feet on, you're not fooling anyone."//   

       The more stuff like that the more interesting it would be.   

       Let me put it this way, if you're supposed to weight yourself regularly, and it's probably a good idea, wouldn't you be interested to hear what smart-ass scale had to say on any given day about the subject?   

       Some days it might be downright nihilistic.   

       "The universe is expanding at 68 km/s. Soon existence itself will evaporate like a wisp of smoke in a thunderstorm, but hold on, chubby here's lost half a pound in only 3 months! Oh joy!"   

       Other days you might just get a: "Get the hell off me you fat piece of crap! You've topped 350 pounds today!"   

       It could then make lots of sci-fi computer dying sound effects, like the voice lowering, muttering stuff like "Systemsssss faaailing...".   

       I'd love to have an obnoxious scale. Be kind of like a psychological cold shower in the morning.
doctorremulac3, Feb 06 2018

       Any time of year
Polly will want a cracker
But you can't have one.
pertinax, Feb 06 2018

       There's gotta be a Schrodinger's Toilet Seat there, somewhere
theircompetitor, Feb 06 2018

       There is. Drop cat into bowl, close lid, hold down and flush. The cat enters a state of quantum indeterminacy as to which side of the U-bend it is.   

       To collapse the wave function, lift the lid. This fixes the state of the cat, which is usually "very wet, and extremely angry". In accordance with Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, it is impossible to determine both the position and the velocity of the cat simultaneously; however, it is possible to predict that by the time the cat has departed from your immediate vicinity, you are going to be in urgent need of antiseptic, wound dressings, bandages, and a tetanus shot.
8th of 7, Feb 06 2018


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