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Snow Baler

Just Because, And To Maybe Build a Fort
  [vote for,

Regular snow blowers shoot their snow willy-nilly all over what is unfortunate enough to be in the way.

This custom snow blower creates tightly packed bales (much like a hay baler) in easy to handle blocks no heavier than ~60 pounds and poops them out the back of the baler for easy collection.

These bales, properly stacked, may be used to build a fort or a toll booth across the road in front of your home. The extra money from the toll booth income may be used to fund your defense in court. Or something.

Note: The baling process may prove to be injurious to neighborhood cats.

Grogster, Dec 16 2016

How to build an igloo https://www.nfb.ca/..._to_build_an_igloo/
>did this in Baffin Island, 20+ years ago now [Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016]

Humorous snowmen https://www.google....c=eH2n3EY8NlauyM%3A
[Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016]

The right to bear arms. https://books.googl...ent%20study&f=false
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 20 2016]

The Bonfires http://www.kiplings.../poems_bonfires.htm
Singularity appropriate here. [8th of 7, Dec 20 2016]

https://www.faceboo...630/?type=3&theater [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 24 2016]


       [+] Want.   

       Is there a snow-cannon attachment ? That way, when there's no actual snow, it would still be possible to deploy the "injurious to neighborhood cats" aspect of the machine.
8th of 7, Dec 16 2016

       This should exist.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 16 2016

       His lordship is correct. And I don't think you need to be worried about any cats letting you get near them while this thing is running.
normzone, Dec 16 2016

       If their feet have been nailed to a plank, it shouldn't be too difficult...
8th of 7, Dec 16 2016

       ignoring the weirdosity the snow baler would be so awesome!
beanangel, Dec 16 2016

       //His lordship is correct. // Please, [norm], we're all friends so let's not stand on ceremony. "M'lud" will do fine.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 16 2016

       1. Use the blocks to build a wall on the windward side of the house, to deflect the bone-chilling gale force winds and billows of snow up over the roof.   

       2. Collect resulting redirected snow into bales on leeward side of house.   

       3. Repeat; offer to do the same for neighbours, for a fee.   

       A necessary invention since Canada's supply of (legal) asbestos insulation will plummet to 0% by 2018. The sketch-on-a-napkin, in addition to [MB]'s endorsement, should accelerate the patent process.
Sgt Teacup, Dec 16 2016

       Can it also have swap out attachments such as an adjustable diameter snowball collector?
tatterdemalion, Dec 16 2016

       ... and a trebuchet ?
8th of 7, Dec 16 2016

       Could the machine make snowmen (in a selection of humorous poses) to decorate the yard?
not_morrison_rm, Dec 16 2016

       This would be a brilliant way to increase the number of public conveniences:   

Ling, Dec 16 2016

       Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kick-Ass. (+)   

       Sorry Ling, not a fan of cold seats...
RayfordSteele, Dec 16 2016

       //Can it also have swap out attachments such as an adjustable diameter snowball collector?// And //...and a trebuchet ?//   

       I don't see why not... the Steampunk Model Snow Baler features an old fashioned factory Steam Whistle (brass and copper, of course, with shiny rivets) that toots loudly with every pooped bale. The James Bond Model Snow Baler comes equipped with an oil slick attachment and matching 80mm front cannons should you encounter "harsh conditions."
Grogster, Dec 17 2016

       Bales can feed your giant ice Lego molder with optional red and green dyes for the season.
popbottle, Dec 17 2016

       Not to dampen the parade with practicality but this would make cleanup of parking lots and other snow transport less expensive.   

       I also wonder about a volcanic ash baler.
Voice, Dec 17 2016

       Volcanic ash doesn't typically amalgamate - you'd need to add water and a binder.   

       Snow will compact and maintain its structure.
8th of 7, Dec 17 2016

       //I also wonder about a volcanic ash baler.//   

       I was downwind when Mount Saint Helen's blew her stack in 1980. It was MESSY. Volcanic ash was EVERYWHERE. Businesses hired front-end loaders to clear their parking lots, making giant mini- mountains of white ash! Damn straight they would have loved to bale it up!! Engines in motorized vehicles were seizing up -- Washington State Patrol cars were outfitted with ridiculously large external air filters in an attempt to keep them on the road. I drove up to Saint Helen's 20 years later one rainy winter day. Ash was still on the ground... and it ruined my disk brakes! Very abrasive. Thanks for the reminder, [voice] and [8th]. And for the record: it would be WAY easier to bale the cats.
Grogster, Dec 18 2016

       // would be //   

       Sp. "is"   

       It wasn't all the ash that we found impressive in the mid-80's .... it was the little saplings poking up through it, and all the millions of mature trees, laid flat in neat lines, stripped of branches and snapped clean off at the base ... "Mother Nature does Hiroshima".   

       They're probably still hauling out pre-felled lumber ...
8th of 7, Dec 18 2016

       Those trees (or what's left of them) are still laid down like matchsticks. The forest is indeed coming back. Saint Helen's has made no secret of the fact that she is rebuilding her mountaintop, as evidenced by frequent swarms of earthquakes. So it is easy to imagine her as a sadistic bitch, waiting for the forest to reconstitute itself before knocking them all down again. Hey, ho; that's life on the Ring of Fire!
Grogster, Dec 18 2016

       // imagine her as a sadistic bitch //   

       The volcano giveth, and the volcano taketh away ... the light, ashy soil is well-drained and incredibly rich in nutrients, capable of supporting a huge, complex, vibrant ecosystem.   

       There's no malice, just monstrous chaotic indifference.
8th of 7, Dec 18 2016

       I'm surprised that the word "igloo" has not previously appeared on this page.
Vernon, Dec 19 2016

       hey, [8th] I think I'm starting to understand you.
Voice, Dec 19 2016

       <makes note that [Voice] is progressing nicely and will soon be ripe for Assimilation>
8th of 7, Dec 19 2016

       + It's good. Maybe Tonka can make a smaller size for children and women who also like to build snow things.
xandram, Dec 20 2016

       Yes, igloos for the homeless
hippo, Dec 20 2016

       // for children and women //   

       Children, yes, certainly … but don't bale the women, someone has to do all the heavy lifting …
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       ^ and ^^ <waits for whatever loop the borg is caught up in to stop. How are they possibly assimilate the universe when a simple Div 0 brings them all down? Tch, the Golden Horde never had these problems>
not_morrison_rm, Dec 20 2016

       Ah yes, [Vernon] and [hippo], the humble igloo. I didn't mention it because it is not made with bales of snow, but rather uses a certain type of dry compact snow assembled in an elegant spiral (see link).
Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016

       // I didn't mention it because it is not made with bales of snow//   

       Ah, but according to your most excellent link, the igloo *is* built from blocks of snow.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       Blocks, yes, not bales, [MB]. Igloo blocks are thinner, more angular (for spiral effect), and considerably smaller and/or less regularly shaped than the standard 14" x 18" x 36" (or 48") bale which I'm assuming [Grogster]'s machine produces.
Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016

       Ah, but if you wanted to build a bear-proof igloo...
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       ... you'd be disappointed.   

       The Canadian Government ran a research programme over a period of several years, at a cost of tens of millions of dollars. The sole focus of the research was dealing with the Polar Bear in an Arctic Survival scenario.   

       Many systems were evaluated to deter or prevent attacks on humans; scents, smoke (including CS), noisemakers, flares, strobes, camouflage ... all ineffective.   

       The conclusion was that, lacking the protection of a boat, vehicle or building, the ONLY effective course of action on sighting a polar bear was to shoot and kill it immediately, otherwise it WILL kill you and eat you. There is NO known effective means of deterring them, and having no natural predators once adult, they have no fear.   

       Polar bears can easily attain a mass of 400-500 kg and a length of 2 to 2.5m, and larger specimens are not uncommon. Over short distances, they can outpace a horse. Good luck with your shelter constructed from friable ice blocks, puny human.   

       The Inuit technique which has evolved over milennia for coping with the threat can be simply summarized as "Watch where the polar bears go, then go somewhere else."
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       Got a link to that study? Sounds fascinating.
Custardguts, Dec 20 2016

       Probably not ... doubt it's been commercially published, likely to be CANUKUS only. But yes, it's fascinating, if somewhat gruesome in parts*.   

       You might get somewhere with a FOI enquiry, though. It'll be declassified eventually.   

       *Principally the text, diagrams, data tables and photographs.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       Actually (and frivolity aside), you can reliably deter a polar bear simply by standing facing it and holding your arms out horizontally.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       No, hang on, I was thinking of cows.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       We thought that was crows. Pretty sure it's crows, actually.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       No, holding your crows out horizontally doesn't deter cows, as far as I know. Besides which, how often do you carry a pair of crows?
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       Incidentally, did you know that crows have the same intelligence and reasoning capacity as a 13-year-old human, according to the psychology department of the University of Cardiff?
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       That sounds distinctly far fetched. Now, of you'd said that "The psychology department of the University of Cardiff has the same intelligence and reasoning capacity as a crow, according to 13-year-old human", that would be much more credible.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       Well, the 13-year-old humans were Welsh.   

       Then again, so were the crows.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 20 2016

       Think I found the Polar bear deterrent study. [link]
Nasty bit of single minded eating machine they are. hmmm, I wonder if we fed them they might learn not to bite the hand that feeds.

       The only addition to this awesome idea I can think of is to incorporate raised surfaces so that they interlock like Lego blocks.   

       What, the polar bears ?   

       // Think I found the Polar bear deterrent study. [link] //   

       That's similar, but not the one we refer to. The conclusions are the same.   


       // Nasty bit of single minded eating machine they are.//   

       No, they're polar bears. They aren't nasty. That's just the way they live, like bats, or turtles. There's no lifestyle choice.   

       // hmmm, I wonder if we fed them they might learn not to bite the hand that feeds. //   

       "... Which argues Babe and Cockatrice would play together, were they taught ...." <link>   

       No. The actual reason for not wanting to shoot the bear is that every other bear for miles downwind will smell the blood and quite literally come running. Once the carcase is stripped, the late arrivals immediately look around for other food. This Means You.
8th of 7, Dec 20 2016

       Aha, then it's possible to try and teach them ethics...simply assemble some number of mime artists to do a winter show of "Good bear, bad bear" on the ice. At least one positive outcome will occur.
not_morrison_rm, Dec 21 2016

       I meant nasty as in being on the receiving end of getting eaten alive.
That link is... I'm not sure what.

       Bears are intelligent and very friendly if they associate you 'with' food rather than 'as' food.
When the passes through the mountains were first built people used to let their children stick their hands in jars of honey and let the wild bears lick it off of them. True story, kind of hard to find the footage now though.
Recently there was a group of people here charged with growing pot. They had teamed up with a family of black bears with the arrangement that the bears scare off any trespassers near to their grow-show in exchange for dog food.

       If the Polar bears are about to become endangered then perhaps a two-birds-with-one-stone thing might help them and us at the same time is all.   

       // it's possible to try and teach them ethics... //   

       It's possible to try and teach them inorganic chemistry, or media studies, or architecture. That doesn't mean they will be an enthusiastic partner in the learning process. We suggest a distance-learning format, otherwise the attrition rate for tutors may make the project impractical. "Tough Class" doesn't come close ...   

       // simply assemble some number of mime artists to do a winter show of "Good bear, bad bear" on the ice. At least one positive outcome will occur. //   

       That's only for one mime. As the number of mimes consumed increases, there is a corresponding rise in the positivity of the outcome.   

       // Bears are intelligent and very friendly //   

       Bears from temperate regions are indeed so. This is indisputable. Bears raised from cubs by humans, while remaining very dangerous simply because of their huge size and strength, can become startlingly domesticated if treated well.   

       But these species are omnivores, happy to munch fruit, carrion, fish, small rodents, berries and seeds. They display a human-like trait of being lazy; as long as they're not hungry, they have no impulse to chase, kill or eat anything.   

       Polar bears are, like cats, exclusively carnivorous, although not actively evil as domestic cats are. There are no recorded instances of polar bears crapping in flower beds, killing small birds in suburban gardens, or leaving pools of vomit on doorsteps. But like tigers, polar bears will always be unpredictable and highly dangerous to those who associate with them.
8th of 7, Dec 21 2016

       // polar bears will always be unpredictable //   

       Bipolar polar bears?
Ling, Dec 22 2016

       //Bipolar polar bears?//   

       Naw, only the Arctic.
AusCan531, Dec 22 2016

       Well I would like to tame one and hug it and pet it and wash it and ride it and call it George.
I would be the Last Bear-Bender and all of mankind would strew our path with precious stones and bits of seal blubber as we sauntered past on our way to the hollow Earth entrance known instinctively to all of ursine kind but hidden from the eyes of men while the Northern lights illuminate our surreal passage.

       ...and then I would wake up and it would be time to strap the knee pads back on again. Just like every day Pinky.   


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