Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Apply directly to forehead.

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Sod Off Shotgun

Add insult to injury
  (+9)(+9)
(+9)
  [vote for,
against]

Exhibit A: A shotgun

Exhibit B: A man made larynx, internally carved to produce sounds similar to human speech. [link]

Have you ever wanted your gun to do the talking? Well wish no more! Instead of a silencer (or loudener), install an insulterer to the tip of your shotgun. As the blast of air whooshes through the specially carved 'throat', a word of your choice can be yelled at your target whether it be a political figure, wildlife, or empty beer cans.

While vowel sounds are fairly easy to replicate with a certain pattern of grooves, consonant sounds might be a little more difficult. Flaps or extreme pinch points might be able to replicate some of the glottal, dental, or palate sounds. Pinch points are obviously limited to the calibre of the ammo. Longer words would require a longer insulterer. Monosyllabic words recommended.

Note: Shooting at political figures not recommended for thine own safety.

Note: Live ammo need not be the only thing shot from the gun. Frozen peas would do just fine.

bdag, Oct 04 2009

Vocals http://www.explorat...s/vocal_vowels.html
How it works [bdag, Oct 04 2009]

[link]






       (+) "Bang!" I think that would sound very funny, and if anyone needs lightening up, it's someone in the middle of a prolonged gun battle.   

       The vowel production, by the way, doesn't really depend on a "series of grooves" the way a needle on a record might, but on the resonances caused by the interior shape of a chamber.
jutta, Oct 04 2009
  

       Consonants, meanwhile, depend on constrictions (for fricatives) or interruptions (for stops) of the air flow.   

       Now suppose that, to be intelligible, your insult needs at least about half a second to enunciate. You need a flow of air that lasts at least that long even before you start modifying it with your flaps and pinch points. I can imagine that there might be ways to capture some of the energy of your shotgun blast so as to produce that air-flow indirectly (no idea what, but I'm sure they could be devised) - but if you're going to use the actual rush of air through the barrel, I don't see how it'll have the necessary half-second-plus longevity.
pertinax, Oct 04 2009
  

       I want one that says "Duck!".
DrWorm, Oct 04 2009
  

       // I can imagine that there might be ways to capture some of the energy of your shotgun blast so as to produce that air-flow indirectly (no idea what,//   

       Shotgun bagpipes.
Be afraid, be very afraid.
  

       I was thinking I should ask for one that says "GNAB", but I realized somebody would point out my weapon of choice would logically have to be called a "nug".
Canuck, Oct 05 2009
  

       /You need a flow of air that lasts at least that long /   

       An automatic weapon could provide this, in almost contiguous bursts.   

       One could fire this with blanks first so that the gun would speak the message: something like "I am shooting you next if you dont dive up".   

       This might be tested with an automatic splatball gun first.
bungston, Oct 07 2009
  

       Okay, I'll dive up.
normzone, Oct 07 2009
  

       After putting two gardens in, I figured that this was going to be a shotgun that makes removing sod easier.
toodles, Oct 09 2009
  

       maybe rather than at the end of the barrel, it could be an under-barrel attachment, that could use gas blowback? that way it could continue insulting after the shot was fired, and trail off in an angry mutter as pressure dissipates.
CaptainClapper, Oct 09 2009
  
      
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