h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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This invention functions best in crowded stadium-seating venues, where events such as rodeos, tractor pulls, and football games are hosted. In appearance, it resembles a folding, cushioned stadium seat. To operate the device, one carries it to near the desired seating location -- with, for this phase,
its people-recognition turned on, so that whenever you stumble it loudly says, "Beg pardon, Miss!" or "Excuse me, Sir!", as appropriate.
At desired seating point, you place the device -- edge on, for easy insertion -- between two persons. It automatically grapples itself to the bench, to avoid being dislodged. (It will fail to attach if it detects another unit close by on the same bench.) The user then is free to visit the concession stand, while the seat begins Phase 3, Place Making. It opens valves #34 and #37 as seen in diagrams 4A and 7C. This starts pneumatic inflation of a large bladder, pushing the sides of the device apart, to open a comfortable seating space.
Then Phase 4 begins. The excess pneumatic pressure inflates a large, lifelike, plastic doll, which then makes loud stomach rumbling noises, whistles aimlessly, restlessly taps its neighbors arms, and at intervals (or when remotely triggered) noisily emits noxious smells, on the one hand to fulfill its Place-Holder function, and on the other to act as a Place-Locator to aid you in finding it when you return from the concession stand.
Upon your return, the unit's artificial Rubber Band Muscles act to quickly collapse the inflated doll, converting it into a warm, comfortable cushion for your seating pleasure.