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Starting A Guide Dog Collection

informative article by benfrost as featured in Handy Bits, Feb 8th, 2005
  (+15, -3)(+15, -3)
(+15, -3)
  [vote for,

A good guide dog collection consists of carefully selected specimens, that are representative of a particular range of breeds, colours or geographic locations. Consider before approaching the animal - how shiny is its coat?, do I need this particular sized dog in this colour?, does the animal lead its owner around in a way that suggests it is properly trained? Understanding these key elements is the first step in this satisfying new hobby.

The collection can be as large or as small as its owner wishes, but an active collection constantly improves as animals are added or as poor, old or sick animals are replaced by better ones.

It's a good idea to start with labradors picked up from the streets near your home, that are attached by a lead or harness to blind people. These dogs will be limited in variety but its safer to be close to home in case initial attempts are unsuccessful and you need to hide quickly.

Once you have mustered the courage to go out and collect your first dog or two, try going further a field to get some real talking points for your collection.

An inconspicuous van is ideal, but a car or even a large motorbike is ok to search through the city streets.

Once you have spied the dog that you're after, park a fair distance off the side of the road and approach from behind. The best place to grab the dog is waiting at the traffic lights to cross the road. Once the beeper goes off signalling its safe to cross, snatch the leash and whisk the animal back to your car or van. Scissors are a good idea if you don't like the idea of snatching from a blind person, but generally if done properly, you will be back in the car and on your way long before he or she can explain the situation to someone who might help.

benfrost, Mar 24 2005

Guide Dogs for the Blind http://www.guidedogs.com/
National center for Guide Dog Training in San Rafael, CA [csea, Mar 24 2005]


       do you plan to swap *doubles*
po, Mar 24 2005

       A mere dog-snatch at the traffic lights can be far more gratifying if the animal is replaced with some other form of wildlife. Replacing the dog with one of the large predators (tiger, crocodile etc) is particularly challenging, although for sheer entertainment value you can't beat an ostrich.
DrBob, Mar 24 2005

       ahh Ostrich beating. There was an article on the very same thing in Handy Bits of September 2001.
benfrost, Mar 24 2005

       I'd like a guide 'big cat' please [+]
skinflaps, Mar 24 2005

       I live quite close to the facilities of the national organization: Guide Dogs for the Blind. [link]   

       It is not unusual to see dogs in training (i.e. with a sighted human trainer.) So be careful, [benfrost] should you ever visit, you may be in for more resistance than you bargained for!
csea, Mar 24 2005

       [insert joke about blind carpenter here]   

       [insert joke about blind man and deaf man on telephone here]   

       [insert pun about duck blind here]
normzone, Mar 24 2005

       Nicely written [benfrost]. Bun!
TolpuddleSartre, Mar 24 2005

       I couldn't think of any sensible reply to this when it was fresh and I still can't now. [+]
wagster, Mar 24 2005

       What [wags] said. Also, my own comment: I'm still laughing.
Machiavelli, Mar 24 2005

       <wonders how long before we have an irate message from a guide dog organization>
bristolz, Mar 24 2005

       We could send them a few of our older or less exotic ones for free, to keep them quiet.
Worldgineer, Mar 24 2005

       This is a stupid idea, it is utter bull****. Where does it come from I wonder? From some deep dark crevice of the mind best burried under socially acceptable behaviour. It is only here on the halfbakery that this can be presented and recieved in good fun. Thus I bun it.   

       I clearly see there is no anger behind this idea, no hatred. Yet it sprung from the mind of [Benfrost], and is intrinsically a bad thought. Yes, [Benfrost] has bad thoughts, just like the rest of us. I find the presentation funny and it leaves me with many more profound thoughts about human nature which I wil not put into words now because I would spend the rest of the night annotating and nobody wants to read it anyway.
zeno, Mar 25 2005

       For the switcheroo, you don't need to waste money on an exotic or dangerous animal. You'd csause all of the trouble you'd ever need to just by switching the trained dog with, say, a 1-year-old lab with no special training. Add a squirrel on a slightly longer leash for even more chaos.   

       This would also add valuable escape time for you. A blind man with an ostrich or a python on a lead will draw a lot more immediate attention to the crime scene than blind man holding a chocolate lab.
footzilla, Oct 02 2005

       The ideal switcheroo would be a dead dog.   

       "Help, someone's stolen my dog."
"Let's go and have a cup of tea dear, I'm afraid I've got some bad news."

       Other options:
a fat lazy dog (preferably one that always has its tongue and penis showing)
Almost exactly the same dog but completely untrained. ("I'm telling you it's not the same dog, mine smelled different")
A blind dog (just for the irony. How could the guy get rid of it? "This dog's no good to me, he's ... he's ... oh you poor thing, come here.")
A big teddy bear (people would think the blind guy was Jeremy Beadle and punch him)
marklar, May 21 2008


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