Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Steam-Driven Beard Stroker

Gape in awe at the Steam Age
  (+26, -1)(+26, -1)(+26, -1)
(+26, -1)
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How natural it is when plotting and planning, and even during relaxed ponderings, to stroke one's beard or goatee. But when a gentleman must put quill to parchment and allow his Muse to manifest, both hands are unavoidably required, leaving his mandible to yearn for attention...

And so I propose the Steam-Driven Beard Stroker! A steam-engine strapped to the back of one's chair, with a connected collar to reach around the neck, and from there, a marvelous mechanical hand, fully pentadactyl and layered with soft velvet to caress one's chin. A small monkey, or perhaps a marsupial, can be trained to tend the steam-engine, leaving it's owner free to concentrate on higher matters.

And for the travelling thinker, a compact engine worn on the back, with a monkey/marsupial following on stilts in order to reach the device.

And the cost to develop a prototype? A mere 6 shillings!

Asbestos, Apr 12 2006

opossom http://www.motherea...ptember/Oh__Possom_
North America's only marsupial: 2 uteri and a forked penis. [Ling, Apr 12 2006]

Wiki Steam Engine http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steam_engine
[Asbestos, Apr 12 2006]

[link]






       Sounds good to me. It would also have the added benefit of keeping your hands lovely and soft by allowing them to avoid contact with all that rough stubble. Thus, you will never be mistaken for a mere labourer. +
DrBob, Apr 12 2006
  

       I had an epiphany after reading this idea, that filled me with joy and excitement. I've decided to give up my career, my family, my home, and my... well, let's just make this official, shall we?   

       Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the grand opening of the NotTheShartpestSpoon Technical School for Marsupials in the Training of Steam Engine Maintenance and Beard Scratching. Only the finest of marsupials will be selected and training will rigorous and thorough. Sign up now to procure your fully accredited marsupial for your beard and head scratching needs. (Cash up front, please)
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Apr 12 2006
  

       + haha a bun for you, but being a woman, I wish for a 'chin stroker'. Not having much of a beard myself, I do find myself stroking my chin occasionally when deep in thought.
xandram, Apr 12 2006
  

       Spoon, you and I may have common business interests... Perhaps we might discuss them over beverages at Mrs. Miggins Coffee Shop? Xandram, I would be delighted to develop a more feminine version of the device. Perhaps a manservant might be employed to carry the engine and I daresay a monksupial could be taught a rudimentary form of etiquette...
Asbestos, Apr 12 2006
  

       Brilliant! I shall take three! One for the lab, one for the study, and one portable one for meandering through the Garden Of Deepest Thoughts
Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 12 2006
  

       Add a second hand and further marsupial training upgrade for those who find it impossible to knot a bow-tie.   

       Does anyone know why it's a reflex to stroke the chin when deep in thought?
egbert, Apr 12 2006
  

       Mark my words, when this fad passes, the Marsupial Rescue Society will be overwhelmed with unwanted animals. We should put our heads together now and plan for their retraining.
normzone, Apr 12 2006
  

       Who needs retraining when you have recipes.
Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 12 2006
  

       //Mark my words, when this fad passes, the Marsupial Rescue Society will be overwhelmed with unwanted animals. We should put our heads together now and plan for their retraining.//   

       In-mall Marsupial Massage?
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Apr 12 2006
  

       Methinks that if a marsupial can be trained to tend a steam engine, then he could also be trained to stroke said beards.   

       With special effort, and if one should ask very nicely, I expect they could also supply the necessary sound effects of the missing steam engine.
Ling, Apr 12 2006
  

       [Ling] Allow a bandicoot to touch your beard!?!? What kind of pervert are you!!??
Galbinus_Caeli, Apr 12 2006
  

       I don't have a beard: It's just wishful thinking. Oh, for the loving touch of an opossom!
Ling, Apr 12 2006
  

       I'd give another croissant for a ManServant.....
xandram, Apr 12 2006
  

       Eew - opossum. I think I've seen a few too many of those roadside and deceased to be comfortable with that. AMEN FOR MECHANICAL VELVET CLAD HANDS, though. +1 To you.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 12 2006
  

       Inspired, my friend.   

       It is, Sir (Madam?), an honour and a pleasure to welcome you to what seems your natural place in the universe.
methinksnot, Apr 12 2006
  

       //Does anyone know why it's a reflex to stroke the chin when deep in thought?//   

       I think there was a book once that discussed the positioning of where your eyeballs flickered to (up left, up right, down etc) regarding certain areas of thought.   

       a side to side stroke of the chin seems to be saying to me - "hmmm give me time to ponder..." whereas an upward thrust of the chin is asking for advice from the heavens above.   

       there does not seem to be a downward pushing motion thingy whatsover.   

       funny, as the grand-daughter of a station master, I have to say the words steam and stoker go together...
po, Apr 12 2006
  

       Okay, I think I've might've made (splat!) a mistake. Does anyone know how (glap!) Knock that off, you little good for nothing... Does anyone know how to keep these monsters from throwing their shit at everything? Hey! Marcell, leave that alone, that's just not right! And how to keep them from jerking off all the time? (squelch!) Oh, that's just wrong. [Asbestos], you can have this damn school, I'm going to see if they'll take me back at the sewage treatment plant. Anything is better than this travesty.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Apr 13 2006
  

       Hey, I want my money back!
egbert, Apr 15 2006
  

       Steam Powered stroking device? a trained monkey? Sounds like a recipe for porn if ever I heard one. Bring on the midgets.
marklar, Jul 13 2006
  

       now i need to go grow a beard. +
tcarson, Jul 14 2006
  
      
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