Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Stories, with updated Health and Safety

  [vote for,

Like in Beowulf, when Hroðgar, Beowulf and their men track Grendel's mother to her lair under a lake, there's not a single mention of a "Wet Floor - slip hazard" cone?

Of course the worst is Jack and Giant beanstalk, "I'll have his bones to grind my bread". Nary a mention of food labelling or a "best before" date.

not_morrison_rm, Apr 10 2013


       ...what fun would that be?
Hansel and Gretel with their heads in the oven or eating the Gingerbread House?
xandram, Apr 10 2013

       all those graphic little "pinch point" icons all over Lancelot's armor... [+]
lurch, Apr 10 2013

       //Gingerbread House   

       Hah! I'll bet not a single "may contain nuts" warning label...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 10 2013

       Or Arthur pulling Excalibur from the stone, but this time wearing back protection having read, chiselled into the stone.."Lifting hazard. Single person lift could cause injury. Use assistance when moving or lifting heavy objects."
not_morrison_rm, Apr 10 2013

       Or, more classically, how Odysseus (seeing the mandatory ear protection zone hazard notice) made it past the Isle of Sirens very easily.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 10 2013

       //Kind of a bad example... is beeswax OSHA approved for hearing protection?   

       [wonders what bees do for ear protection. If they have ears?]   

       ...the battle of Thermopylae postponed indefinitely as Xerxes, King of the Persians, realises he's forgotten to fill in the Risk Assessment and Policy template.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 11 2013

       Signs on a castle dungeon wall somewhere: "This facility has gone xxiv days accident-free in the torture chamber. Please help us maintain our record by minding all safety equipment when using the torture devices."   

       Star Wars, any particular episode: "Please hold handrails if engaged in swordplay near this area."
RayfordSteele, Apr 11 2013

       //This facility has gone xxiv days accident-free in the torture chamber.   

       Ha, better than mine.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 11 2013

       Helmet and knee-pads for Icarus.
xandram, Apr 11 2013

       Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill sued their employer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 11 2013

       We think we face ridiculous amounts of idiotic labeling - this would be far worse.   

       "Do not sit on this wall. Neither the royal personnel nor equines are adequately trained in surgical repair of eggs"
lurch, Apr 11 2013

       That reminds me of the day the sky was falling down. There was no early warning signal!
(I'm having fun, so gave a bun!)
xandram, Apr 11 2013

       Three blind mice put you up to this didn't they?   

       The Sorcerer's Apprentice...Mickey actually does notice the "Notice - Do not leave machine unattended" sign, and just breaks out the Roomba.   

       Dracula finally gives up and goes back to the old country, finding that the two yellow Needle-stick/Sharps hazard bungs on his canines are doing nothing for his love life.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 11 2013

RayfordSteele, Apr 11 2013

       Lady MacBeth reading the illustrated handwashing instructions mounted to the wall above the sink, and wondering whether to use the strange foaming soap dispenser or the self-drying alcohol gel.
pocmloc, Apr 12 2013

       AP 12 April 2013: Federal authorities gain an injunction prohibiting Acme Products Inc (a Delaware corporation) from shipping any more product to one Wile E Coyote, citing multiple safety issues due to the user's non-compliance with standard safety protocols, endangering the community, and specifically threatening indigenous non-flying avian species, and causing harm to himself.
whlanteigne, Apr 12 2013

       Acme Products Inc (a Delaware corporation) announced it has been purchased by a Chinese conglomerate, and will outsource all manufacturing jobs to Zimbabwe. The warehousing and distribution centers will remain intact during the transition. Acme representative Ima Duchbagh cited increased labor costs as the determining factor in outsourcing manufacturing.
whlanteigne, Apr 12 2013

       In fact, during the exit from the Apollo 11 moon lander Armstrong flubbed his lines because he'd just realised he'd forgotten to put the "Hard Vacuum hazard" cones out beforehand.   

       Finally, the truth can be told.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 13 2013

       "And he breathed in his nostrils a wind of lives." Caution: Life is mortal, and always ends undesirably. Wait! Actually that's what it says...
pashute, Apr 15 2013

       We're not going to get on to the Quelippot or something are?   

       Posits some Divine lack of reading of the hazard notices before opening the box marked "DIY Universe".
not_morrison_rm, Apr 15 2013

       Warning: Manufacturer assumes no liability for events that may result from the opening of Pandora's Box (tm).
5th Earth, Oct 19 2013

       I'm wondering about the application for Hell, but then the whole place would grind to a halt, more likely to succeed would be the military. "Muzzle- do no stand in front of, danger of death" etc
not_morrison_rm, Oct 20 2013

       The Flintstones wouldn't get very far. Please keep all appendages inside the vehicle at all times.
wjt, Oct 20 2013

       "Ah, Mr. Bond, we've been expecting you. Your hi-vis coat can be spotted some distance awy …"
8th of 7, Oct 20 2013

       //The Flintstones wouldn't get very far. Please keep all appendages inside the vehicle at all times   

       That was the pilot for a more gritty modern remake, where Fred, fired from the quarry by the new Chinese owners, drunkenly exposes himself from the car and Pebbles gets taken away by social services, if I remember correctly.   

       And the cave got foreclosed on.
not_morrison_rm, Oct 22 2013


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