h a l f b a k e r y
"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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My son is almost a teenager now... he's starting to smell
little and his socks are possibly the most disgusting
I've seen in a while. Even the dog won't go near them.
His habit of stripping them off and leaving them in the
lounge, the kitchen, the hallway, the car and any number
of other places is maddening. Not least because we, his
parents, end up picking them up, braving the possibility
infection with any number of fungal, bacterial and viral
pathogens that live on them.
The Complete Socksucker is a modified vacuum cleaner
with a small, fully enclosed drycleaning system built in,
allowing the user to sneak up on discarded socks and
capture them before they stealthily slip under sofas and
beds, to be lost forever.
Simply suck up stinky socks, subjecting said socks to
sudden stalsis, suds, sterilising solution, spin dry and
recognition & selection software before bundling clean,
paired socks out the other end, ready to be befouled
All without them touching human hands.
||There's been quite a few sock ideas sneaking around
lately, but this is the best of the bunch, I think.
||Socks were the focus of a long, heated discussion at
our place, last night. One child very nearly lost his
life over his willingness to spread his toejam through
random sock dispersal, against his mother's express
||I would kill for problems this simple.
||You could have different models for different
volumes and degrees of grossness - some suggested
model names for you: "Lousy", "Dirty" and "Slimy"
||Slimy is for politicians' socks.
||// I would kill for problems this simple. //
||Second that...Children - a problem we choose. Tried to warn you.
||I swear, we're going to have to slaughter this kid.
||Sometimes I find, with experimental projects, that it's best
just to salvage what raw material I can and start over...
I'm sure that methodology could be applied to parenthood.
||Discussions this morning were around the concept of
sending one or both of them to a boarding school, if
only for 12 months, to snap them out of their shitty