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The Daily Imperative

Newspaper that publishes commands rather than events
 
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Idea for a newspaper. Instead of reporting things as events that have happened, we'd report things entirely in the imperative; that is, as commands. So insetad of "President Declares War," our headline would be "President, Declare War!" Then we would print the date on the newspaper one day before the day of publication, so that we could claim that we were dispatching orders to the rest of the world, and they in fact obeyed. And instead of having a "Corrections and Amplifications" column, we'd have "Disobedience." For example, "Despite our direct order yesterday, Senator Johanson failed to murder his wife. We are greatly disappointed by his arrogant disobedience."
Wicker808, May 18 2003

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       Pope: When you turn 83, canonize some saints and have your staff finally reveal you have Parkinson's disease.
thumbwax, May 18 2003
  

       Heh. Nice and cynical.
my face your, May 18 2003
  

       Most papers do this anyway, but have the chutzpah to pretend they don't - the "News of the World" (UK tabloid) paedophile fiasco springs to mind. That esteemed rag, under its new editor, published the names, home addresses and pictures of a hundred sex offenders, then tried to act surprised when the locals acted upon this (thoroughly out of date in many cases) information and went at those houses, hurling abuse and bricks at whoever lived there now. One woman got her windows smashed in and abusive graffiti across her place of work because she was a paediatrician.
friendlyfire, May 18 2003
  

       There aren't words for how much I love this idea. Admittedly, for the Disobedience column. Well done.
motive power, May 18 2003
  

       Widely baked in China, where the newspapers are conduits for the government.
Cedar Park, May 18 2003
  

       The appeal of this one is beyond me. Not even complete morons would believe it.
waugsqueke, May 18 2003
  

       yes i would !
pjd, May 19 2003
  

       are you complete or have you been neutered? <g>
po, May 19 2003
  

       I thought the media already did this? These days it is the media who control the agenda-The media can destroy any figure of power or authority that it wants, right up to the president (eg Clinton/Lewinsky "scandal") How many politicians that have been forced to resign once their "extramarital exploits" have been exposed in a newspaper. What has your sex life got to do with running the (eg.) department of trade and industry??   

       Yet another example of media manipulation: the classic joint television and radio Nixon vs Kennedy debate after which Kennedy won the election, even though up to the debate it was Nixon who was well ahead in the polls. The interesting point: those who listened to the radio broadcast thought Nixon had swung it, while those watching the TV version thought Kennedy had won the debate. It is a general concensus that Nixon lost the TV debate because he looked pale and sweated a lot during the debate, while Kennedy (who had better make up artists!!) appeared cool and relaxed, a classic example of how the media can manipulate our opinions...   

       Even as far back as the 30's this was going on: In Britain king Edward VIII had taken up with a divorcee Wallis Simpson. A pact was formed between the archbishop of canterbury and the chief editor of the most influential newspaper of the time (The Times) to depose the king. He was attacked viciously from both sides and eventually abdicated...
cevilthedevil, May 19 2003
  

       I think that as a straight-faced idea, this is a bit pants, to be honest. No-one would believe it, it wouldn't add anything, and it'd just be confusing.   

       As a comedic device, however, it is sheer genius. Don't bother printing today's news as yesterday's orders, publish some fantastic satire ordering people to do things tomorrow. "Following tomorrow's parliamentary speech on the state of the fuel industry, go immediately to your local petrol station and start queing!" - the combination of MOB (see www.cheesebikini.com) and humour would elevate said item to cult status immediately. Bake it, bake it now!
imagin8or, Jul 03 2003
  
      
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