Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Haggis Shop

Sin ' days of auld lang syne, laddie!
(+5, -5)
  [vote for,

Customers enter this cheery establishment decorated with various tartans, Will Fyffe posters and a large mural of the Battle of Bannockburn.

The store is powered at high efficiency by a Stirling Bridge engine.

The proprieter will then enter into an unintelligible conversation with the customer, at the end of which the customer finds he has somehow agreed to purchase a stuffed boiled sheep's stomach.

Customers are entertained by the challenge of trying to negotiate a deal wherein they do NOT end up with a boiled stuffed sheep stomach. The rest of us are entertained by the customers' invariable failure. Everyone wins! Except the sheep.

strange606, Jun 30 2006

Wikipedia: Battle of Culloden http://en.wikipedia.../Battle_of_Culloden
[jutta, Jun 30 2006]

The Sizzling Scot http://www.thesizzlingscot.com/
A fine restaurant in the heart of Edinburgh, cardio-vascularly speaking. [zen_tom, Oct 21 2007]

Nae haggis in the Unitit States o Americae http://en.wikipedia...se_outside_Scotland
[bibliotaphist, Oct 24 2007]

Dinnae believe that, ya numpty http://www.caledoniankitchen.com/catalog/
[MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 24 2007]


       Are yoo tekken tha piss Jimmeh?   

       <jams fishbone up the Chaminda of mr strange>   

       Take that yeh sasenach tumshie.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jun 30 2006

       "A moose loose.." would have been more entertaining.
skinflaps, Jun 30 2006

       What insures the //customers' invariable failure//? Who are //the rest of us// if not customers? What do we win? [-]
xandram, Jun 30 2006

       'sno ritebyraway
Jinbish, Jun 30 2006

       Don't quite get why this establishment would put up a mural of the Battle of Culloden....   

       Wouldn't that be a bit like a French restaurant putting up a mural of the Battle of Waterloo ?   

       Or is that part of the joke ?
monojohnny, Jun 30 2006

       May I suggest the battle of Bannockburn, or Stirling bridge..?   

       Do I smell a 'me too' pun?
Jinbish, Jun 30 2006

       I think Stirling bridge.   

       For the obvious reason, and also makes a nice change from the Stirling engine posts......
monojohnny, Jun 30 2006

       sp. Tartan.   

       Byrawey, Connery is not exactly revered in Scotland:

       Sick Boy: It's certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
Renton: What do you mean?
Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you've got it, and then you lose it, and it's gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed...
Renton: Some of his solo stuff's not bad.
Sick Boy: No, it's not bad, but it's not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it's actually just... shite.
Renton: So who else?
Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley...
Renton: OK, OK, so what's the point you're trying to make?
Sick Boy: All I'm trying to do is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.
Renton: What about The Untouchables?
Sick Boy: I don't rate that at all.
Renton: Despite the Academy Award?
Sick Boy: That means fuck all. The sympathy vote.
calum, Jun 30 2006

       For what it's [Bos]worth I was making no pun ! :-)   

       (only took me 1/2 hour to work out what you meant...)
monojohnny, Jun 30 2006

       The point is to try to -not- end up ordering a haggis? But I happen to like haggis! Heart, lungs, liver, oatmeal, salt and pepper, boiled in a sheep's stomach. What could be better?
Freefall, Jun 30 2006

       Its actually quite good, if just a little dry.
jhomrighaus, Jun 30 2006

       Making Multiple Changes in deference to People who Actually Live in Scotland
strange606, Jun 30 2006

       [xandram] : Lloyds of London will insure the customers' invariable failure.
strange606, Jun 30 2006

       You gotta love it!
Shadow Phoenix, Oct 21 2007

       Interesting...In the spirit of The Haggle Shop, I would try to get the proprietor to throw in some food and drink along with the haggis, and negotiate the price. Never had haggis (I'd like to, at least once to know what its like), theres nowhere to get it in the States.   

       Also the Bannockburn mural idea is cool, apparently that Robert Bruce guy is an ancestor of me.   

Spacecoyote, Oct 22 2007

       Ach, yon Americans, they're all Scottish, or sae the'd have us believe...
david_scothern, Oct 22 2007

       Of course all of this will culminate in;
"What's twenty quid to the bloody Midlands Bank?" ~ Ewan Macteagle (Scottish Author/Poet)
4whom, Oct 22 2007

       //Customers enter this cheery establishment decorated with various tartans, Will Fyffe posters and a large mural of the Battle of Bannockburn.// This will never work. Nobody will dress up like that just to go into a shop.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 22 2007

       Maybe if you came up with a racy, ribald title for it, like "Spank the Haggis", or "Is That a Haggis Up Your Kilt or Are You Just Glad to Be Scottish?"   

       Many a Robbie Burns' Day ago I tasted my first haggis. Luckily for me, it was haggis-lite, so all I could really taste was the oatmeal. I think I'd want to consume several drams of Glenfiddich before ingesting the genuine article.
Canuck, Oct 23 2007

       "apparently that Robert Bruce guy is an ancestor of me"   

       McYeah. Sure he is.
Murdoch, Oct 23 2007

       My god: [Spacecoyoye] is right [link] --- how depressing. 300 million people who've never been able to enjoy the offaly goodness (at least - not legitimately).
bibliotaphist, Oct 24 2007

       For [SpaceCoyote]. Make it yerself!   

1 sheep's stomach or ox secum, cleaned and thoroughly scalded, turned inside out and soaked overnight in cold salted water
heart and lungs of one lamb
450g/1lb beef or lamb trimmings, fat and lean
2 onions, finely chopped
225g/8oz oatmeal
1 tbsp salt
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp ground dried coriander
1 tsp mace
1 tsp nutmeg
water, enough to cook the haggis
stock from lungs and trimmings

       Method 1. Wash the lungs, heart and liver (if using). Place in large pan of cold water with the meat trimmings and bring to the boil. Cook for about 2 hours.
2. When cooked, strain off the stock and set the stock aside.
3. Mince the lungs, heart and trimmings.
4. Put the minced mixture in a bowl and add the finely chopped onions, oatmeal and seasoning. Mix well and add enough stock to moisten the mixture. It should have a soft crumbly consistency.
5. Spoon the mixture into the sheep's stomach, so it's just over half full. Sew up the stomach with strong thread and prick a couple of times so it doesn't explode while cooking.
6. Put the haggis in a pan of boiling water (enough to cover it) and cook for 3 hours without a lid. Keep adding more water to keep it covered.
7. To serve, cut open the haggis and spoon out the filling.
Serve with neeps (mashed swede or turnip) and tatties (mashed potatoes).
squeak, Oct 24 2007

       squeak, please furnish us with a recipe for bubble and...
4whom, Oct 24 2007

       theatre majors would come here for their senior thesis to haggle for no haggis and the bragging rights at their university. + for an echo that's fun.
k_sra, Oct 24 2007

       Have always liked haggis, wish I could get it in Malaysia (fresh, not some kind of frozen imported stuff)
vincevincevince, Oct 24 2007

       //theres nowhere to get it in the States.// How hard did you look? See yon link.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 24 2007

       I don't eat canned food.
Spacecoyote, Oct 24 2007

       I expect you do really. But in any case, they seem to sell frozen haggis.   

       To be perfectly frank, after all that a haggis has been through in the normal course of events, freezing it is not a major problem.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 25 2007


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