Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The Pit And The Pendulum Toaster

make toast Edgar Allan Poe style
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The Pit And The Pendulum Toaster is a device based on the famous horror story by the great Edgar Allan Poe.

If you're not familiar with the story you need to know that a swinging pendulum arm (that terminates in a sharp blade) slowly descends until it begins to slice into the unfortunate victim who is held captive under its relentless oscillations.

Using the main principal of this dastardly device, a toaster has now been devised. Here's how it works:
A slice of bread is slotted into the end of the swinging pendulum arm. In order to make the toast, two sets of gas burners are ignited across which the naked bread swings backwards and forwards until it is sufficiently browned.

The Pit And The Pendulum Toaster comes with a starter loaf of human shaped bread slices.

xenzag, May 29 2018

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       I get it. This is just like the pit and the pendulum, except that there's no pit, and it's the "person" who swings instead of the blade, and there's no blade because there are burners instead, and instead of the blade (which there isn't) advancing on each oscillation, the bread (which takes the place of the person, except that they're swinging instead of the blade, which there isn't one of) just oscillates at a constant distance from the burners (which take the place of the blade, except they're not swinging and are not a blade).   

       All it needs is Boris Karloff (representing Vincent Price, who starred in the best-known movie of this title) and it would be perfect.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 29 2018
  

       You want one don't you? I can even model the bread in your image. ps - there is a pit - to catch the crumbs of course.
xenzag, May 29 2018
  

       Don't really need one, [xen]. I buy this new self-toasting bread made with Monsanto wheat.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 29 2018
  

       Ha - no need for a bedside lamp then, as your phosphorescent skin lights up the room, and no need for bug spray either as the odour (that no one tells you about) kills all known insect life. Ha
xenzag, May 29 2018
  

       Diabolical! [+]
whatrock, Nov 13 2018
  
      
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