Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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The Raspberry

  [vote for,

My ex-partner suffered from Sleep Apnea. I'll never forget the first time I slept over at his place. Right before bed he attaches this trunk-like device to his face; giving him the appearance of Darth Vader meets Mr. Snuffalufagus from Seasame Street. The roar of the machine it was connected to can only be compared to the sound one would hear should he be seated on a jet wing during take-off.

After several visits to Haight Street, where no self-respecting person would go without at least 3 body parts pierced, I came upon the idea of "The Raspberry". I'm not certain if everyone knows that a "raspberry", aside from being a little red fruit, is also the word used when making that flatulent noise with your tongue--spraying everyone in it's path.

Sleep apnea, basically, is caused by the tongue falling backward during sleep and cutting off the air passage. It can be a very serious disorder.

So I decided that my ex should have his tongue pierced so that we could attach rubber bands to the stud. These bands would keep his tongue in place (or at least slightly protruded) so that he could sleep soundly.

I personally thought it was a wonderful idea, but he wasn't appreciative of my genius. Perhaps you kind people will acknowledge brilliance when it rears it's vermilion head.

Now if this idea doesn't get me a couple of croissants, perhaps my website will rate a crumb or two.

veryvermilion, Aug 04 2004

The Raspberry http://home.earthli...gburn/theraspberry/
My own little creation [veryvermilion, Oct 04 2004]

http://www.sleepapnea.org/ http://www.sleepapnea.org/
Similar device. [bristolz, Oct 04 2004]


       One problem I could see would be your tongue drying out overnight, but I think that could be managed. I like the idea that you've come up with a practical use for something many people find quite impractical or silly. (WTAGIPBAN)
krelnik, Aug 04 2004

       While sleep apnea sometimes involves the tongue most often the soft tissue at the back of the throat is blamed and only in cases of obstructive sleep apnea. There is another type of apnea involving the disruption of the autonomous breathing signals from the brain.
bristolz, Aug 04 2004

       Thanks to all for their feedback... It's always hard for me to tell if these inventions are to be taken seriously or (pardon the expression) tongue in cheek. I know that my extremely crude graphics are filled with obvious errors, but this is a starting point. Regarding "dry tongue", I will attest to a person's ability to keep his tongue out of his mouth for long periods of time without worry. "The Raspberry's" bands would have to be modified so that the wearer could comfortably pull his tongue back into his mouth to moisten, but then would be drawn back out, making sure that the tongue didn't collapse and block the airway. Regarding tooth safety-- with so many people having pierced tongues already, I would think, perhaps incorrectly, that if there were dental problems, they would have surfaced by now. But it might be an issue. Rather than surgical steel, perhaps the studs should be composed of a softer material--something dental. Again, thanks for the feedback and the croissant :-P
veryvermilion, Aug 04 2004

       Nice, vermillion. Like the illustrations as well. Perhaps a small nose piercing could periodically deliver small doses of snuff, causing the sleeper to sneeze, and thus keep the tongue nice and moist.
lostdog, Aug 04 2004

       //[are] these inventions ... to be taken seriously or ... tongue in cheek [?]//
krelnik, Aug 04 2004

       Krelink has made a good point about losing moisture when the mouth is left open over night. I get hayfever, so because my nose is blocked, my mouth is open all night and I wake up with an extremely dry mouth. I have not yet found a satisfactory solution to this other than drinking water upon waking up. I'm experimenting with various ideas though, so I'll post my results as annotations in the near future.
spiritualized, Aug 05 2004

       maybe the device could have a drip irrigation nozzle to keep the tongue wet.
By the way - [VV], is that a picture of your ex?

       I give you a bun for making me laugh.
energy guy, Aug 05 2004


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