h a l f b a k e r y
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This is another idea of mine which has been bubbling
since the 1970s and the first time I saw a deep fat fryer.
The holes in tennis rackets can be very similar in shape
size to the form of what we over here call potato chips
to a lesser extent what you over there call French
However, we generally either buy chips in chippies or
supermarkets or laboriously slice them from potatoes.
this point I can just about hear the laughter of metallic
aliens with dalek-like voices.
We already have an almost perfectly good method of
preparing chips available to us in the form of a tennis
launcher and racket. Since this is British cuisine, I
envisage this taking place in a real tennis court as
to those Wimbledon thingies.
First, sharpen your racket. This racket is stringed with
cheese wire and is exceedingly sharp and tough, possibly
made of tantalum carbide. Second, put on your tennis
whites, which in fact bear a resemblance to surgical
for reasons which will become clear. Third, load up your
tennis ball launcher with spuds. Fourth, set off said
ball launcher. As it pings potatoes towards you, parry
tubers by means of your razor-sharp racket, thereby
reducing them to chips. When you have sufficient chips,
vacate the court, whose floor is a hot plate, gradually
increasing in temperature as you play. Finally a series of
gunwales around the skirting boards opens up, spewing
forth cooking oil and the entire chip-covered floor
precedes to act as a deep-fat fryer, producing sufficient
chips for a post-game meal. Fish out and serve, wrapped
in newspaper naturally.
Thought we had done this, turns out I misremembered
[calum, Mar 10 2017]
"French fry" slicers
They are not all laborious to use. [Vernon, Mar 10 2017]
||// I can just about hear the laughter of metallic aliens with dalek-like voices. //
||It's all right, we're laughing with you, not at you.
||Honestly, we are. We really are.
||Why did I not think of drainage? Okay, it has sluices and can
||How tasty is newspaper ink?
||If it's a Murdoch publication, oily, sour, bitter and poisonous.
||[Grayure] says there should be chip boys and girls going
round collecting them.
||I'm thinking more mashed potatoes here than chips as a
||OR Firing potatoes through a stationary racket with compressed air gun into a deep fat fryer. A cloud of hot grease mushrooms up and falls on newspaper, customers, and tennis whites.
||Good set up for hospital or detergent commercial.
||A quick calculation suggests that the terminal velocity of a large potato should be between 95.38 and 119.66 (recurring) MPH. This means that, given a dicing grid with sufficiently thin, sharp blades, it should be possible to produce chips using something not unlike a shot tower.
||(Another quick calculation suggests that the terminal velocity of a ShitZu is marginally too low for this to work. However, some very very extensive experiments will be needed to confirm this.)
||But calories+exercise=less weight gain.