Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



The Unproven Cure For Cancer Using Wind Farms

grind sounds and cure cancer
  (+4, -2)
(+4, -2)
  [vote for,

Donald Trump has just informed the entire world that the sound emanating from wind farm turbine blades is the cause of cancer. This is such great news as it presents the opportunity to finally create a cure for the disease.

Here's how that cure might work:
You take that cancer causing turbine sound and use software to analyse it and output its exact opposite waveforms. You then use this waveform as a cure for cancer.

All true Trump believers can now be presented with the choice electing to be treated with Negative Wave Sound Therapy should it ever be their misfortune to develop Wind Farm Blade Noise Cancer.

xenzag, Apr 05 2019


       You see, what happens is that the windfarm drives the locals to start chain-smoking.
RayfordSteele, Apr 05 2019

       So... does the President not have a pre-verbal-diarrhea fact checking staff... or does he just spew-forth and then damage control/spin doctor staff take over?   

       It's a valid question.   

       As a member of the big-bad-bully's conjoined, -lil -northrn -nayber -buddy, conglomerate I'm not really digging the scenarios that go along with the schoolyard bully getting his ass kicked by the group at large. That never goes well for little-buddy.
From my limited experience that has always been the time to sit big-buddy down and set'm straight in ways that would get almost anybody but little-buddy instantly slugged in the face.

       once that doesn't happen...   

       Then there's a yuge fuss with big-buddy pouting in their cornflakes for a bit and then this overly emotional back-slapping sorry-man-I-love-you-man fest and the rest of the group reluctantly allows big-buddy to continue to hang because it's better than them freaking out, and eventually he learns to behave and becomes like group-champion he's supposed to be but wrongly identifies as because nobody's ever had the balls to tell the entitled shit that he's being an asshole and should chill the fuck out.   


       then big-buddy takes a poke at you because he's too insecure to deal with truth.
You're expecting it because you've instigated the shit-fest so you duck first and then retaliate as best you can and you take your lumps, but you make damn sure they know that they're in a fight and the rest of group usually tears them apart without you taking their ass kicking as well.

       Seriously, delving into world politics seems to translate directly to observing children on an unsupervised playground.   

       Like Lord Of The Flies or some shit.   

       Show me a single case where a wind generator turbine got cancer...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2019

       Trump lives with the constant fear that someone or something keeps messing up his hair.
4and20, Apr 05 2019

       It's the ghost of a dead wind turbine following him around.
xenzag, Apr 05 2019

       Why do you never see pick-your-own wind farms?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 05 2019

       One cup of covfefe per day lowers your risk for cancer by 25%.
Cuit_au_Four, Apr 05 2019

       I wonder what the orangin of that story is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 05 2019

       Apples and origins - America's favourite fruit.
xenzag, Apr 05 2019

       Ah yes, but Trump didn't say worrying about the sound of wind farms caused cancer, he said it was the actual sound of them that was the cause, so even if you are not worried at all, that wind farm sound is going to give you cancer. (according to the world's leading cause of cancer from wind farm sounds, Donald Trump) At least now there is a potential cure.
xenzag, Apr 06 2019


       [Wanders off to Google "Trump Windmill Cancer" ~ reads ~ giggles uncontrollably for rather too long]   

       [Passes out temporarily for want of oxygen]   

       [Recovers ~ giggles some more]   

       This is the sort of brain fart I don't expect outside the comedy circuit from anyone above the age of 7 before they've succumbed to dementia.   

       And America voted this guy into power?   

       [Feels momentarily superior.. reconsiders.. feels less smug]   

       But then again, our lot in the UK have continued to assert for decades that the laws of supply & demand are somehow magically suspended when it comes to immigration & continue to repeat that lie even now long after the ONS released a report saying "Um.. actually it has had an effect".   

       So maybe this sort of idiocy in politicians isn't quite as unusual as first glance might suggest.
Skewed, Apr 06 2019

       There are people who sincerely believe that a pair of kangaroos hopped and swam from Australia to Iraq in order to take refuge from a flood in a giant wooden boat along with dozens of exemplars of carnivorous and venomous species.   

       Oh, and the boat was constructed single-handedly by one man with no previous marine construction experience and a prediliction for doing whatever the Voices In His Head told him to do, and floated perfectly the first time it was launched without having to allow time for the seams to swell, or needing any re-caulking.   

       These people are allowed to vote.Worse, they are allowed to reproduce.   

       Please explain again why Universal Suffrage is such a brilliant idea. This is not a rhetorical question - we are genuinely interested.
8th of 7, Apr 06 2019

       It's the penguins making their way from the South Pole that always made me suspicious about that story. I've seen kangaroos performing spontaneous synchronised swimming so they're not such a surprise.
xenzag, Apr 06 2019

       / /I've seen kangaroos performing spontaneous synchronised swimming //   

       Perhaps next time you should take just half the dose, and see ehat happens ? Or buy from a different supplier ...
8th of 7, Apr 06 2019

       I'm happy to believe the kangaroos made it. I mean, their annual migration takes them half way around the world, so getting from Australia to Iraq would not be such a big deal. I'm not sure how they'd handle the navigation, though, since they normally learn their migratory route by migrating with individuals who know the way, and who can recognise landmarks and (probably) sense the Earth's magnetic field. So, it's tricky but not impossible.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 06 2019

       No, hang on, I'm thinking of swallows.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 06 2019

Skewed, Apr 06 2019

       is your name?
Skewed, Apr 06 2019

       Red ... no, blueAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa ...
8th of 7, Apr 06 2019

       Aren't kangarros just the adolescent form of swallows? Before they shed their fur and before their wings are fully developed?
pocmloc, Apr 07 2019

       //I'm not sure how they'd handle the navigation//   

       They follow the kangaroutes.
AusCan531, Apr 07 2019

       //They follow the kangaroutes//   

       [Strides grimly to the gun cabinet]   

       [Takes out the double barrel blunderbuss (pre-loaded with two tins of six inch nails) & shoots [AusCan] in the head with both barrels]   

       Sorry about that old chap but you appeared to be in some sort of pain, only decent thing to do.
Skewed, Apr 07 2019

       Sadly, you've missed his brain. Aim for where the voice is originating from, just below hip level.   

       Then again, it's a fairly small target ...
8th of 7, Apr 07 2019

       Can we make the case that Trump causes cancer by stressing out much of the free world?
RayfordSteele, Apr 08 2019


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle