Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The "I've already got a Lite" Light

Warning : Londoncentric
  [vote for,

There's a fairly new free evening newspaper in London called London Lite. It's an OK paper, and I usually pick up a copy of it.

The problem is that I have to pass several vendors of this paper before I reach the tube station. I always get my copy from the first vendor, then have to explain to the subsequent vendors that I don't need the copy they're trying to thrust into my hands, as I already have one.

Taxis have a light on their roof to advise the public if they're available for hire or not, so why not employ a similar method to solve this particular conundrum?

Worn around the head, this device consists of an elasticated towelling headband, with a simple electric sign on the front bearing the legend "London Lite".

When you leave work, simply press the "ON" button, and the words light up, clearly signifying the fact that you are in the market for a copy. Once you have obtained your paper, switch the light off. Subsequent vendors will be under no illusion that you are interested, and will leave you alone.


jtp, Apr 01 2007


       why stop there? why not expand it to include "i don't have any spare change" and "no thank you, not interested" lights?
lilsis, Apr 02 2007

       Cannot these vendors see the copy of the newspaper already in your grubby hands? Can you not beat them around the head with it when they attempt to give you another?   

       (These guys are a nuisance at NY subway entrances too, where they block access, and their discarded newspaper litter the stairs, a major tripping hazard. Here, we have two competing freebies, making matters worse. I'm hoping if anyone actually trips, they sue them for enough money they all go away.)
DrCurry, Apr 02 2007

       //Cannot these vendors see the copy of the newspaper already in your grubby hands?//- Amazingly enough, no.   

       //Can you not beat them around the head with it when they attempt to giver you another?// - I see no reason why not.   

       I'm not going to vote for this idea as these people will block your path and shove their paper in your face WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY READING ONE! Therefore I shouldn't think that they'd take any notice of flashing neon signs / loadhailer announcements / anything else. I'm voting for [DrCurry]'s solution.
wagster, Apr 02 2007

       Walk in to the f***ers. With your shoulder dipped int'em. They'll soon get the hint.   

       Alternatively, do what I used to do with people handing out flyers near the students' union: take one from the first vendor and then hand it to the next vendor. Confuses the hell out of them.
Jinbish, Apr 02 2007

       What [wags] said. I believe [Zen_Tom] was offered a Lite once whilst he was already carrying one in his hand; he made this abundantly clear to the vendor by saying, "No thanks mate, got one cheers," only to be replied, "Not from me you don't."   

       They really couldn't give two tits if you have one already or not. The new scourge of London they are.
theleopard, Apr 02 2007

       you gotta light, boy?
po, Apr 02 2007

       you need to print your own paper called "The dark" Then you could hand those to the vendor handing you "the lite" and they will thus cancel each other out.
jhomrighaus, Apr 02 2007

       Wear dark glasses.
skinflaps, Apr 02 2007

       Mooooooooorny Stannit!
wagster, Apr 02 2007

       eeeeest eeeeenn vinaaaaaalll! The funniest I have heard is just outside Embankment tube station where one of the distributors shouts "Information Lite!"
gnomethang, Apr 02 2007

       Whenever a vendor offers you one and you already have one, give him yours, thus making it harder for him to get rid of his stack. This is called "toggling the lite on and off"
phundug, Apr 02 2007

       I always carry a collapsable white cane and a dark pair of sun glasses when passing irritating rag vendors...I merely tuck my paper under my arm, extend the cane, put on the glasses and parade right across their front with out a bit of aggravation....well, occassionally I get bothered by the blind chap on the corner selling "Brail Daily Mail"...but most often he doesen't see me coming.   

       When someone asks me, "Whats the newspaper for, my lad?"   

       I reply..."Swatting flys, gov. Swatting flies."   

       And it always leaves them silent just long enough for me to get away.
Blisterbob, Apr 05 2007

       I've started jogging home from work. It's an arduous task, some 6 miles from South of the River to the attractive environs of North London. I carry my work clothes in a ruck sack with a strap around my waist to keep it still while I'm running. I don't like to stop, and only do so for traffic or really slow people. I sweat and breathe heavily. My face turns an unattractive puffy red. I have been known to weaze.   

       In this condition, running at pace, even as far as Highbury & Islington, vendors will still cross the pavement to hand me a freakin' newspaper.   

       As Mel Gibson said in a slightly censored showing of Lethal Weapon last night, "What the BLOCK," would I want with a freakin' newspaper in that state?!
theleopard, Jun 07 2007

       //even as far as Highbury & Islington// So, that was you that nearly knocked me over outside The White Swan when I was handing out the Lite.
skinflaps, Jun 07 2007

       what [jhomrighaus] said
hippo, Jun 07 2007

       I regret nothing [skinflaps]!   

       (Dirty rotten Lite vendors...)
theleopard, Jun 07 2007

       I have developed several strategies for avoiding these type of things, depending on my mood:
1. The glazed-over walk right passed without looking.
2. The quick cross the street as they extend their arm.
3. The carrying of large objects in both hands.
4. The plain and simple, outright "No Thanks"

       Worst of all, if you really wanted one, there wouldn't be vendor in sight. (Are they really *vendors* if the publication is free?) There was a free paper in Boston and we called the people who handed them out *hawkers*.
xandram, Jun 07 2007

       We have a name for them in London, too. It isn't "hawkers" but it's similar.
wagster, Jun 07 2007

       In Vancouver, Canada, I have to pass 2 free newspaper people at each train station entrance, escelator landing, and train exit. These two papers are "24" and "Metro". That's 12 no-looks/no-thanks/K.A.T. every day.   

       I have never taken a paper yet, and occasionally can't bite my tongue and say "Kill Another Tree".
Giblet, Jun 08 2007


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