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The telemarketer revenge machine

Finally get back at those telemarketers
  (+16, -1)(+16, -1)
(+16, -1)
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They call you only while you eat and when you sleep. You hate them. But your caller ID doesn't give you THEIR number, even though that's why you paid for the damn thing. Get revenge on telemarketers for hours on end. And I mean hours. Just create a machine that wires through your telephone. Record yourself saying small phrases such as "could you repeat that one more time, please" and "I think I understand, but could you further explain" and other such comments of the sort...include your own...Then, you wire the machine to play back a message any time there's more than two seconds of silence. Telemarkets rarely leave long pauses in their memorized monologues, but they often wait for answers from the unsuspecting victim...errrr...customer...But now you can make THEM the customer!!!...err....victim!!!
crackriot, Jan 09 2002

Opt Out numbers in the US http://www.ag.state...e/ReducingCalls.htm
It's a Minnesota page, but it contains nationwide information. Put an end to junk mail pre-approved credit card offers. [waugsqueke, Jan 09 2002]

Codeman38's link as a link. http://www.tommabe.com
[StarChaser, Jun 13 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Now baked. https://www.wsj.com...emarketers-2dbb8457
Another HB version of a now baked idea. [doctorremulac3, Jun 30 2023]


       [Peter] I must respectfully disagree. If companies aren't selling anything with their tele-whores, because they're busy talking to such machines, then there'll be a *greatly* reduced incentive to use telemarketing.   

       Telemarketing only exists because companies make more money on it than it costs. They can't make money if they're just talking to a clever machine.   

       (Usually, I just ask them to hold on while I "look" for my credit card. I've gotten one to hang on the line 40 minutes! Whatever keeps them occupied. They don't seem to call me anymore.... I kinda miss them :)
seal, Jan 09 2002

       In Tennessee, we simply call a toll-free number and enter our phone number, and we're put on a "do-not-telemarket" list that really works. Nag your local representative for a similar option.
beauxeault, Jan 09 2002

       Replying in Danish (jeg kan ikke tale Engelsk) generally works.
bristolz, Jan 09 2002

       In the US anyway, you can simply tell each caller "put me on your do not call list". That shuts them up every time. By law they have to stop calling, and put you on their list of people who they can not call in the future under penalty of law.
LeBain, Jan 09 2002

       Seal: I once got a call from someone who asked for a badly pronounced version of my last name. I said 'Hang on, I'll get him' and put the phone on hold. <I have a 2 line phone, although I only have one line at the moment.> Went away, watched TV, etc...came back half an hour or so later and the light was on, so I picked the phone up..."Hello?" 'Mr <mangled>?' "Hang on, I'll get him..."
StarChaser, Jan 11 2002

       Some aspiring U.S. stand-up comic put together a CD of nothing but him spinning outlandish foils into the ears of unsuspecting telemarketers--and if I could remember any of the title, his name, I could give you a website. But what I heard on the radio of it was hilarious. For the telemarketer selling carpet cleaning, his persona was that of a guy who was, "...really glad you guys called!!! Do you know how to get bloodstains out of a carpet??", and so on. He'd really lay it on, and on a few of the segments the telemarketer would hang up! Can't remember the guy's name, dad gum it....
entremanure, Jan 11 2002

       entremanure: The guy's name is Tom Mabe; those who are curious can check his site out at <the link above.>.
codeman38, May 01 2002

       You're EVIL!!!, I like that!
AElemental, May 17 2003


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