Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Toilet Seat-O-Matic

With Optical Toe Recognition Nightvision Circuitry
  [vote for,

Just mount the sensor on the front of the toilet near floor level. This device will instantly determine if heels or toes are directly in front of it, and raise or lower the toilet seat as necessary. If it detects heels, toilet seat down. If it detects toes, toilet seat up. It operates correctly even if the room is pitch black and the user is heading for the toilet by a mixture of memory and dumb luck. This unit takes the gender-specific seat position preference out of the equation, since it is also possible that it could be a guy who wishes to sit and ponder baked goods.
Grogster, Jul 16 2010

(?) Pajama Penetrating Radar http://medgadget.co..._breast_cancer.html
Oh, Yeah, Sure, I Guess You Could Use It for TaTa's Too [Grogster, Jul 16 2010]

The OLD Way of Washing the Cat http://www.funlol.c..._Wash_The_Cat!.html
Let the Seat-O-Matic do the kitty washing for you! (see anno below) [Grogster, Jul 17 2010]

A Toilet Beyond Help http://www.cromwell...oilet/buddhist.html
Sorry, [poc], the Seat-O-Matic couldn't possibly work here... [Grogster, Jul 17 2010]


       The device will also recognize an infinite variety of footwear such as fluffy bunny slippers, as well as seeing through long pajama bottoms with its Pajama-Penetrating-Radar feature [link]. Additionally, it will recognize knees and subsequently position the toilet seat to its pre-determined user-defined vomit setting.
Grogster, Jul 16 2010

       // user-defined vomit setting. //   

       There's not much that's worse than Shouting For God On The Big White Telephone and then being struck a sharp and entirely unexpected blow on the occiput* by a rapidly descending loo seat, be it real wood, or merely plastic. So maybe you should rethink that particular feature.   

       (*or indeed the lower mandible, by a rapidly ascending specimen of the same)
8th of 7, Jul 16 2010

       //a sharp and entirely unexpected blow on the occiput* by a rapidly descending loo seat//   

       Thank God for the soft close toilet seat.   

       I'm in awe. There's actually a web site called softclosetoiletseat.com - who knew?
Tulaine, Jul 16 2010

       [8th_of_7]//There's not much that's worse than ...// Oh yeah? A form of injury well-described in the pediatric trauma literature: male child, about so high <gestures> is making wee-wee when the seat descends, crushing his penis against the rim of the bowl.
mouseposture, Jul 17 2010

       [8th], the user-defined vomit setting allows the user to predetermine whether they want the seat up or down when they are staged for ejecta. The unit determines this by sensing the presence of knees in front of the sensor. Some users prefer the cool sensation of porcelain, others prefer the seat to be down, especially if it is padded. I can assure you that the seat position will not change as long as you are still contributing your all.
Grogster, Jul 17 2010

       //does not address trans-gender//   

       [Big], not to impugn your expertise in this arena, but how does this product NOT address trans-gender preference? There are, so far as I'm aware, only two ways to approach a toilet, if your intention is to use the toilet for its primary purpose. To use a dog analogy, one is typically a pointer or a setter. Does a trans-gendered person approach it any differently than one of those two methods?
Grogster, Jul 17 2010

       //To use a dog analogy//   

       Your analogy calls to mind a third approach; that of a dog 'cocking its leg'. I'm not suggesting that any human would or should attempt this stance with a regular toilet, but the technology must be capable of distinguishing the sideways aproach and making some sensible decision regarding the seat. Maybe this is one also for the 'user defined' settings?   

       While we're adding features, let's not forget amputees equipped with simple wooden legs. The system might also need a user defined peg leg setting.
Tulaine, Jul 17 2010

       Hmmm, [Tulaine], it might need to account for peg legs at that... these variables should be included in the user-defined settings; however, the system should be smart enough to detect the remaining toes on the other foot. But now that you mention it, perhaps it should allow for users who prefer to hike a leg or use crutches or a wheelchair or colostomy bags or chastity belts or those sporting fellows who prefer to stand back four or five feet and take their shot at the brass ring. All of these settings could, and should, be accounted for.
Grogster, Jul 17 2010

       But wait!   

       There's more!   

       I think I better add a Doggie and Kitty recognition setting as well!   

       For Fido, it might even include a "Blue Water" setting; upon detecting the presence of harmful bowl cleaners in the water, both lids slam shut with a resounding flourish when Fido approaches!! Otherwise, it will remain open and inviting and ready for Fido to slurp up that water with gusto.   

       For Fluffy, it would use its Kitty-Recognition-Circuitry to put the lid down. An extra added bonus feature would be the Trick-Kitty-Into-A-Bath Circuitry [link shows OLD method], where just as Fluffy was jumping up toward the seat, the lids would fly open, capture the kitty, then quickly close to start the [Soap, Wash, Flush, Rinse, Flush, Lid-Open] cycle. The system would then sound a loud klaxon alarm to alert the family to step away from all open windows and doors as Fluffy quickly (if not gracefully) exits the area.
Grogster, Jul 17 2010

       // Kitty-Recognition-Circuitry to put the lid down. //   

       You just made your first sale.   

8th of 7, Jul 17 2010

       I am trying to think of ways in which the device could detect the cultural preference of the user, to lower the pan to floor level, or raise it to seating height.
pocmloc, Jul 17 2010

       [poc], floor level? Are you talking about one of those toilets that is pretty much a hole at ground level? [link] I don't think the Seat-O-Matic could help them much; they don't use toilet seats! (therefore, you certainly couldn't wash a cat in one...)
Grogster, Jul 17 2010


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