If there's one thing trees are well-known for, it is being
made of wood.
Wood is useful stuff because it is reasonably rigid, and
therefore can be used to build furniture, bridges, houses
and, indeed, entire trees.
Howevertheless, there are times when wood's rigidity is a
example, it is very difficult to effectively
alter the shape of a 200 year-old oak tree to accommodate
a new outbuilding or to fit in with the aesthetics of ones
Fortunately, those nice men at MaxCo. have the solution -
to be precise, a solution sold under the brand name of
RubberTree. The solution contains a powerful cocktail of
lignases and cellulases, made from sustainably engineered
bacteria. Supplied also are a set of large spring-driven
syringes and wide-bore needles.
To use, simply drill a series of 3/17th-inch holes at 1"
intervals around the base of the tree, insert into each hole
the needle of a syringe filled with RubberTree, attach the
driving springs and wait.
Over the ensuing months, the enzymes will work their way
through the vascular system of the plant, and will diffuse
slowly into the heartwood. As they wring their magic, the
tree will begin to droop. Once all the magic has been
wrought, your majestic oak will be lying gracefully across
the lawn like a banker on bonus day.
At this point, it is a simple matter to arrange the tree into
a more pleasing configuration, supported by scaffolding,
balloons or any other appropriate means. Once the
syringes are removed, the tree will gradually begin to
redeposit cellulose and lignin, at least in its outer layers,
solidifying once again over the course of a mere few years.