Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Two Cats Mad

The spinster eccentricity index you always knew existed.
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I've noticed, from an early age, that mad old spinsters usually have loads of cats and, conversely, that old spinsters with lots of cats tend to be quite, quite, mad.

What I propose is a scale from 1 to 12 which reflects the insanity of the individual and is related to the number of cats you would think someone of this mind-state is likely to have.

1 cat mad - not mad at all but all cat owners should be watched should they show the tendency to accumulate more felines.
2 cats mad - occasionally mildly eccentric. May say completely hatstand things at dinner parties.
3 cats mad - usually quite eccentric. Has a tendency to laugh loudly at nothing during dinner parties.
4 cats mad - not invited to dinner parties. Smells of cat.
5 cats mad - not invited to anything. Smells of cat pee.
6 cats mad - ventures out only to but cat food and kitty litter. Has straggly hair.
7 - 12 cats mad - The slow descent into the the mind that only the insane (or the cat lover) can understand.

st3f, Apr 21 2001

(?) Two Cats Mad http://www.sfgate.c...tate0305EDT0102.DTL
PROOF! [1percent, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Cat owner says it started with 2 fecund felines-- "All of a sudden" there were 196 http://www.sfgate.c...1/05/25/MN29596.DTL
"I know this sounds bizarre," said Barletta, a 61-year-old retired real estate agent, in an interview outside her Russian Hill apartment in San Francisco. "But I'm a rational person." Same woman, different article. 196 cats mad!!! [romy, Apr 21 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

skirtman is exactly 4 cats mad! http://www.skirtman.org/dresume.html
this is a nice objective bulletpointed breakdown of a mildmannered crossdressing 4-catter in the computer department. [gnormal, Mar 11 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

one mad cat http://www.youtube....watch?v=G0tiT7KlACM
[jaksplat, Aug 31 2008]

Cats morphing into croissants http://www.milkandc...link/221195/detail/
Seemed like the right place to post this [Dub, Sep 24 2010]

Google has become not only sentient, but one cat mad http://gizmodo.com/...to-watch-cat-videos
"Google's artificial brain loves to watch cat videos"... What happens when it finds all that porn? [Dub, Jun 26 2012]

Research paper on cat bites. http://www.plosone....ournal.pone.0070585
Rather stunningly, this idea seems to have some basis in fact. People, especially women, turn out to be more susceptible to suffering mental health issues if they have been bitten by a cat. It therefore follows that the more cats you have, the more likely you are to get bitten and thus are more likely to be mad. Of course, this doesn't address the issue of degree of madness vis-a-vis number of cats but research continues! [DrBob, Sep 20 2014]

Halloween cat http://luna-flower....-the-West-482843971
[not_morrison_rm, Sep 20 2014]

Toxoplasmosis https://en.wikipedi...oplasmosis#Research
A parasitic infection caused by, amongst other things, exposure to cat faeces. [DrBob, Jul 22 2020]

The List https://www.youtube...watch?v=_YMVPXmaKds
Dad's Army Classic, with no nasty, soggy chips. [DrBob, Jul 22 2020]


       Of course there is always the possibility that people of great age, have seen a lot, experienced a lot and just prefer the company of cats to some human beings and in this consumer driven society in which we live, who is the mad one? I don't think I would be so quick to judge.   

       Cats are quite discerning they choose with whom they wish to live they are not dependent or as controlable as the dog.   

       Kingsley Amis was suspicious of anyone who did not have a cat in their household, he felt that people who did had a gentle nature.   

       By the way on your scale I am mildly excentric, the idea of being "normal" would be gross. I am all for the destandardization of the human being. I have two dogs too.
griffin, Apr 21 2001

       I've got two cats but one is schizophrenic. Where does that leave me?
griffin, Apr 21 2001

       I'm several upside-down fish mad, myself...
globaltourniquet, Apr 21 2001

       3 cats....8 Jack Russell Terriers....22 horses of own + 19 horses belonging to others....current spinster license is valid..... not invited to anything... ventures out to the outside world only at night to capture criminals trespassing on her property....chases said criminals through cornfields in her Pontiac Bonneville while wearing only her bedroom slippers....makes arrests and holds criminals until the police arrives and then retreats back into her barn......spends all "free-time" at the 1/2B......   

       Just pondering my sanity.....
Susen, Apr 21 2001

       Nothing on the plate. Suppose I go out with some liver and remove a few tabs from round the neighborhood, can I be 8 cat by proxy?
reensure, Apr 21 2001

       Perhaps the true sanity test would be whether the individual actually knew how many cats she had. I've known a hugely fat woman who really didn't know how many cats were in her home at any given time.   

       She was a fruitcake, but the woman sure knew her grammar ... she might be lurking on HB as I write this.
1percent, Apr 27 2001

       This seems to outlining female examples only. What about Hemmingway? He did not know how many cats he had at any one time.   

       There was an article I read recently which equated madness/genius and said that the one common element was imagination. Personally I would rather be imaginative and considered slightly oddball by the norm, than lacking imagination.
griffin, Apr 29 2001

       Ahhh Hemmingway. Good old Martha Hemingway...   

       I think the scale can be applied to men as much as to women. It's just that I'd never noticed the phenomenon in men before (The cat collection, not the madness, that is)   

       griffin - Are you sure you don't just have 3 cats?   

       globaltourniquet - give Rods Tiger his fish back.   

       Susen - all sounds perfectly reasonable to me.   

       Unabubba - put yer claws away. You're cutting up the sofa.   

       Personal rating 2-4 cats depending on the prevailing weather.
st3f, Apr 30 2001

       After you ffffssstt'd in it? No thanks...
StarChaser, Apr 30 2001

       That's the main difference between dog people and cat people. Dog people, the stereotype goes, are rugged, extroverted, well-adjusted go-getting types. You could imagine Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan meeting whilst walking their dogs in the park. Cat people, however, fall into various stereotypes: the mad old woman with several dozen cats, the misanthropic loner with only a cat for company, the moody teenager who writes morbid poetry by candlelight, &c.
acb, May 01 2001

       I strongly dislike dividing people as "dog" or "cat" people.... it doesn't explain those who are like me with multiples of both.
Susen, May 01 2001

       I divide people into people who divide people into two types of people and people who don't.
angel, May 01 2001

       Soterios: perhaps you were unknowingly speaking with a fellow halfbaker...?
PotatoStew, May 26 2001

       Here are some great quotes from two different sfgate articles about the woman with 196 cats: "All of a sudden there were more and more cats..."   

       "'I'm a cat lover, not a cat hoarder with 100 cats,' Barletta said, adding that she had successfully adopted out about 5 or 6 cats. 'People are breaking in and messing up the order and system I had set up in the house and in the garage. It spun out of control because of the vandalized garage and cats ending up in the cupboards.'" *yes,* when you find you have cats in the cupboard, *it's a warning sign, folks!*   

       She never counted the cats, which are now being held by Humane Society officials. "You try not to focus on how big the problem is," she said. "You just try and work day to day to solve the problem."   

       I myself only have one cat, but I certainly see the potential for at least, oh, 3-cat madness in myself.
romy, Aug 05 2001

       I'm two cats mad, three if you count myself...
StarChaser, Aug 05 2001

       I think I must be 1/2 a cat mad. Next door's cat seems to have adopted us. This probably makes me more insane than normal cat owners as I talk to cats and don't even own one.
CoolerKing, Aug 06 2001

       Croissant to [CoolerKing] for having been adopted by a cat and liking it!
angel, Aug 06 2001

       I don't mind it being in the garden but as soon as it trys to come in the house it gets a swift kick up the backside. (metaphorically speaking. I'm not cruel to any animal that isn't one of those dogs that are about the same size as a rat. They're just asking for it)
CoolerKing, Aug 06 2001

       how about a cat-madness-indicator-ratio: the number of cats you think you have divided by the actual number? The further away from 1 you score in either direction implies greater insanity.
lostkidstent, Aug 06 2001

       hmm because of my alergy to cats and dogs's hair I don't own any: does this make me sane?
RobertKidney, Sep 02 2001

       and //because you can't possibly fix all those cats// you can't possibly get them all vaccinated....so along comes distemper and next thing you know, you have zero cats......   

       I met a farmer several years back who had 32 Jack Russell Terriers....seems he had a "rat problem" so he got a male and female terrier. His rat problem became a terrier problem. Instead of calling the humane society, I bought two of the dogs and then called every Terrier owner I knew to get them to buy one. We wiped him out of terriers and he was grateful. We left him with two old, fixed terriers to keep the rats in check and promised him free puppies to replace the old pair when they died as long as he got the puppies fixed.   

       As a note, neither of the females I got had ever been vaccinated and both were ridden with fleas. I obviously took care of that problem right away.   

       Some people just get in over their head and need rescued. If you can't afford to vaccinate, de-worm, and de-flea every pet you have on a regular basis, you have too many pets.
Susen, Sep 03 2001

       Cat fur hasn't been mentioned so far. I was on the train the other day with my fiance & I found it amusing that the two women beside us kept sniffing at intervals. I had a moment of paranoia & wondered if it was from the magnetic fur of my four cats... Does this insanity apply to relatives as well. My mother dotes on her "grandkitties" all the time.
bluerowan, Sep 04 2001

       Wild bird poopulation does indeed appear to be declining in UK, although I suspect that the culprits are more likely to be removal of habitat and such, rather than cats. A recent survey showed that domestic acts prey mainly on frogs, voles and butterflies. (My own cats are happily house-bound, One of them appears to be agoraphobic.)
angel, Sep 04 2001

       Babies are just a substitute for those people who can't keep pets. (Dons flame-retadent gear, opens up storm cellar and disappears inside)
st3f, Sep 04 2001

       [angel], I keep seeing more and more bird poopulation. Someone should teach them potty skills.
lewisgirl, Sep 04 2001

       [Mephista]: They can plot away they'll never get past the cats.   

       [lg]: you train. I'll watch. :o)
st3f, Sep 04 2001

       Well spotted, [lg]. I'll leave the evidence of a twitching (!) finger, for the sake of humour.
angel, Sep 04 2001

       I don't believe a word you say any more   

       By the Bye how would I know if I've been fixed?
po, Sep 05 2001

       For that matter, how would you know you were broken?
phoenix, Sep 18 2001

       I was going to throw a bucket of cold water on UnaBubba until I realized I was 4 1/2 months too late.   

       I'm with ravenswood. I thought this was a way to measure degrees of anger, not insanity. I've been rudely awakened too many nights when the local night-cats stage a three round championship fight underneath my bedroom window at four AM.
Canuck, Sep 19 2001

       i had an imaginary friend which was a panther when i was younger...   

       and got adopted by two of our neighbor's kitty-mill-kittens that never got sold, and were the most pathetic and gorgous and friendly cats, and let me sing to them.   

       (and a fat cat of our other neighbor which i secretly named cream puff...)   

       so that makes me cat-mad, as in mad for cats, but how many cats mad i know not, sir. here at college i have only a stuffed bear & rabbit...
Urania, Sep 29 2001

       It's such a shame. So young & yet so totally out of your tree...
DrBob, Sep 29 2001

       *blink* confuzzled? so long as the "young man" wasn't addressed at me.. then i'm less confuzzled :)   

       (i never had a tree anyhow. never could climb the buggers well. quite willing, but the flesh was weak and off-balance... so if i had a tree, guess i was always out of it. doubt that referred to me tho)
Urania, Nov 16 2001

       Doesn't seem to matter what the critter is, I get adopted. Quite mad you see.   

       I have two cats but I'm not from this planet, so I'm exempt. +
sartep, Dec 22 2003

       you are *not* going to eat the budgies, this christmas, shirley!
po, Dec 22 2003

       The Spice Budgies?   

       Beckingham Birdcage?
po, Dec 22 2003

       We have a declining cat population in our house; only three left. Indeed, according to the newest screening techniques I am becoming less mad.
Skippy 72, Apr 03 2004

       Public Dis-service Announcement:   

       Last year, a man was discovered to have a record of 267-cat madness. When the 267 raw sewage-encrusted felines were rescued from the house, veterinarians found that the man's insanity-waves had infected all of them. In the end, each cat found a permanent home in a landfill as a fine powder.   

       If you or someone you know has more than 15 cats, don't delay. Ask a health professional about ways to treat cat madness. There is hope.
Skippy 72, Apr 03 2004

       How many felines does a Cheshire Cat count as?
Detly, Apr 03 2004

       Depends if it's smiling.
st3f, Apr 03 2004

       Common Fermanagh saying: 'Mad as a bag of cats.'
etherman, Jan 14 2005

       putting my + back. 3 cats mad - one sick this weekend. if I end up with 2, do I become saner?
po, Mar 05 2005

       Shame I don't have any cats. My parents hate them, they feasted on the wildlife where I used to live.   

       I am one goldfish mad.
froglet, Mar 05 2005

       I'm pet-sitting for two cats. Does that make me temporarily insane?
baconbrain, Mar 06 2005

       I now have "two cats mad", (or should I say "two mad cats")?   

       Either way, I was crazy to bring another feline into dustbuster's domain. Hence making me two cats mad. I actually think that it's a compliment, since this in one of my all time favorite ideas. (And st3f is too seldom seen in these parts.)
blissmiss, Mar 06 2005

       which parts of st3f, do you recommend blissy?
po, Mar 06 2005

       The s, the t, the 3, and the f. Why, are there more that I don't know about? (No po, it's his sense of style. In writing, and in halfbaking.)
blissmiss, Mar 06 2005

po, Mar 06 2005

       [baconbrain] You'd have to be insane to look after them!
froglet, Mar 07 2005

       love this - am presently 2 + 1/2 mad cats   

       does this work backwards with cats?   

       if my cat eats/craps at 2 homes...
po, Apr 27 2005

       Doubt it. I think that most cats maintain just enough of a grip on reality to remember to eat.
st3f, Apr 28 2005

       My cat rules the house!!   

       I'd love to get a second cat just to see how she reacts. Would be quite fun to see her hissing madly.
chocolateraindrops, Sep 04 2005

       Me = 3 cats mad (but with only one cat - have been known to laugh out loud at dinner parties for reasons known only to myself) Velcro my cat = somewhere in between the 7 - 12 cats mad range (hisses at his food when you give it to him!) +
gorjabuble, Sep 06 2005

       Still one of my all time favorites, and always thought it was penned by Afro, and stolen for a huge ransom from by stf3.
blissmiss, Sep 06 2005

       1 cat mad as of tonight - who would have thought it!?   

       chunky had complete kidney failure - am so sad...best friend for 14 years...
po, Nov 23 2006

       oh [po], so sorry to hear your sad news. Chunky was a fine chap.
jonthegeologist, Nov 23 2006

       I am so bloody miserable - I cannot describe it...
po, Nov 23 2006

       Sorry to hear that, po. Chin up!
gnomethang, Nov 23 2006

       So sorry, po :(
Dub, Nov 23 2006

       Yup, down to one cat sane :-(
blissmiss, Nov 24 2006

       so sorry, po.
theircompetitor, Nov 24 2006

angel, Nov 24 2006

       All condolences po.
stilgar, Nov 24 2006

       From me too.
imaginality, Nov 24 2006

       sorry po - x
zen_tom, Nov 24 2006

       I think that st3f is 7-12 cats mad. This idea is crazy!
Acacia, Nov 25 2006

       I laugh at stuff in my daydreams.
quantum_flux, Nov 17 2007

       Still one cat mad and holding.
normzone, Aug 05 2008

       I know a guy who's three cats mad. He's gets checks from the Navy for having a 60% debilitating mental disorder. He also hears voices, and when he goes out drinking he starts to wish he had less blood so he could get drunk faster.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 31 2008

       Thanks St3f - A woman has just moved in two doors down and she is 8 Cats Mad. I mean, I LIKE cats but....
gnomethang, Jun 29 2014

       I'm sure these cats release some kind of hormone or endorphin in crazed kitty collectors that could be synthesized and given in injection form.   

       A cure for "cat madness"?
doctorremulac3, Jun 29 2014

       // synthesized and given in injection form ... A cure for "cat madness"? //   

       Potassium cynanide solution ? Can also be given in tablet form, or pumped through the sufferer's letterbox while they are sleeping ...   

       // I mean, I LIKE cats //   

       So it begins ...
8th of 7, Jun 29 2014

DrBob, Sep 20 2014

       //she is 8 Cats Mad.   

       That's nothing mate...my ex-student over here had like more than 80 cats, 4 dogs and a husband, and she listed them in that order.   

       NB I could in no way be considered a cat person, but even I found the Halloween cat cute. Linky and all that.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 20 2014

       Since the only way to get a cat to pose like that for long enough to get a picture would be the lavish use of cyanoacrillate adhesive applied to its paws, we also find the picture entertaining.   

       By extrapolation, there should also be a rating of "One horse completely insane".
8th of 7, Sep 20 2014

       In the manner of all them paintings of horses in Georgian times, they used to strap them to an iron frame to prevent motion blur in the finished painting.   

       Not quite sure how that managed to avoid red eye though.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 20 2014

       There are now three cats in this house. And three dogs. My daughter is the one who brings them in, but it is me who they are driving mad.
baconbrain, Sep 20 2014

       // daughter //   

       There's your first mistake, right there ...
8th of 7, Sep 20 2014

       One mad cat, does that count?
blissmiss, Sep 20 2014

       Yes. You're clinically insane. Seek professional help, or preferably euthanasia (for you, and the cat. If nothing else, the cat. The cat is evil and must be destroyed).
8th of 7, Sep 20 2014

       If you don't like cats there is always Mad Dogs & Englishmen.
xandram, Sep 21 2014

       See last link....there is now Trumpoplasmosis. It's essentially the same condition, only instead of cat faeces, it's created by excess exposure to Fox news. Aside.... where are all the fab halfbakers who were around in 2001, years before I arrived?
xenzag, Jul 22 2020

       We Assimilated them, which accounts for our virtuousity ... why, was that wrong in some way ?
8th of 7, Jul 22 2020

       st3f has dropped in I think not too long ago. DrBob has too. I miss Angel, and StarChaser and the list goes on and on. Bubba and Ian T. are missed greatly but I see them on Instagram and fb. Ohhh, Phoenix was always well mannered. The good old days. And Jutta dropping in to straighten us back up when we fell off the track. As I do way too often.
blissmiss, Jul 22 2020

       // Bubba ... missed greatly //   

       Yes, like hemorrhoids, or scabies ... very unpleasant, and so much better when they go away ...
8th of 7, Jul 22 2020

       Haha. We saw what you did there.   

       You're now in the place just below [xenzag] on The List ... so, we want Plaice and Chips - and no nasty, soggy chips; we want them crisp, und light brown.   

       Be warned.
8th of 7, Jul 22 2020

       For those who don't know, being on 8th's "List" is similar to a swarm of flies putting the resident chameleon family on their "List". ie it's quite funny, and of course, it makes him happy; keeps him out of trouble, and not running around the fields waving his trousers over his head at the passing birds.
xenzag, Jul 22 2020

       "The Emperor is most displeased with your apparent lack of progress ..."
8th of 7, Jul 22 2020

       It sems so... "it's the last time we buy those cheap Christmas crackers... "
8th of 7, Jul 22 2020

       Two cats here; one outsized cat there. Tell me where is sanity ...
reensure, Jul 25 2020

       "It is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness", [ree].
8th of 7, Jul 25 2020


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