Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Professional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.

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Ultimate Megayacht

It's recycling, sort of.
  [vote for,

Right, you're mega rich. Having strongarmed your way into owning the entire gas reserves of Asia, or figured out how to monetize cat videos you have a lot of cash. Other rich people have yachts. You're mega rich, and therefore the target market for the mega yacht. Now, you can only go so big with the mega yacht before it starts to look like a small cruise ship. Poor people can get on cruise ships, unacceptable. Big megayachts might also attract the attention of Bond types. How do you make your yacht more impressive? Well, the mega yacht salesman will try and sell you all kinds of baubles, trinkets and retractable this and extendable that. Boring.

So, take one regular yacht. About 70ft or so, like your cleaner's gardener might own (make sure it's snow-white). Then, take one common or garden variety Typhoon class nuclear ballistic missile submarine, available on the used submarine market. Simply place the yacht over the conning tower of the submarine. Glue may be necessary. Connecting up the controls, however, will not. The wheel and engine throttle positions will simply be relayed to a screen, so that Sergei, the real driver of the boat below can see what you want to do.

Now, you can park you little yacht in the harbour, maybe quite far out in the harbour.... depending upon depth.... while the cold war relic lies at periscope depth below. Here's where the fun begins. All your mega rich friends will have much bigger yachts, and may have developed an eye for how yachts sit in the water... something strange about the way the waves break on your yacht... it sits still as the others bob and roll around it... they've heard talk of the tiny yacht having an extensive wine cellar and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of gruff Russian servants... still, it doesn't look very fast, let's bet the whole of Belarus on a race. You realize the little yacht might win the race, its spinnaker billowing backwards as it makes a steady 25 knots directly into a headwind.

You'd have to name it "Iceberg".

bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014


       I like this - especially surprising your guests with the massive range of fine wines available from your wine cellar.
hippo, Sep 12 2014

       and an uncanny ability to garner interest from maritime patrol aircraft.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       When you leave the galley to fetch another bottle of wine, your guests should hear your footsteps descending a flight of stairs for a ridiculously unfeasible length of time for such a small yacht.
hippo, Sep 12 2014

       ... sorry about the delay, I brought a bottle of the '76, one of the '79 also, I just had to stop off for a couple of holes on the mini-golf course. Dmitri's really getting the hang of the windmill hole.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       Ignoring the bit where you glue the submarine to the yacht, it is of note that you will not be actually dissuading Bond villains, merely attracting a better class of same.   

FlyingToaster, Sep 12 2014

       You may get away with the submarine being classified as a very big keel. It's not unknown for racing yachts to have uranium in their keels... this is the same. Just 560 ft longer.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       You either want to detach the submarine in harbour or have a 24hr conn watch on to keep out of the way of people who think they're driving bigger boats.
FlyingToaster, Sep 12 2014

       Why detach it, or have a watch? Why keep out of the way? If the occasional yacht disintegrates while crossing 100 ft off the stern of my boat, that'll just add to the mystique. Mystique and prestige are good commodities to have in the yacht world.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       Also from bs0-go Yacht co... the Alfa-class titanium Speed- Keel. Nothing says sporty like overtaking jet-skis sipping a martini atop a liquid metal reactor.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       because you don't want to dent your Typhoon class ? They're 70ft tall (that I can estimate) not including the conntower. Surfacing in the harbour is an option: you could show off the (outdoors) rifle and archery ranges, bowling alley and pools, but it would tend to mitigate the "sneaky" factor somewhat.
FlyingToaster, Sep 12 2014

       //They're 70ft tall (that I can estimate) not including the conntower.//   

       This is why we might have to park it quite far out.   

       //don't want to dent your Typhoon class//   

       I'm guessing the carbon fibre racing hulls will come off worse when they hit 30,000 tones of Russian steel.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       "Ah, Mr. Bond, I've been expecting you ..."   

       "Iceberg" would be good, but "Red October" would be better ... even better still, "Krasnyy Oktyabr" in Cyrillic.   

8th of 7, Sep 12 2014

       //you could show off the (outdoors) rifle and archery ranges,//   

       "Sshome thinghs in here don't react too vell to bulletsh."   

       I'm having mini golf* indoor and outdoor** pools*** (heating no problem with the more than capable on board water warming room). Water skiing off the back, naturally**** and possibly a runway on deck for a (very)STOL plane, or possibly a Mi24 for congruence.   

       *cold war themed: "aim for the Over The Horizon RADAR array, and the slope will take it into the missile silo, then it'll be shot out on compressed air, landing in the satellite uplink dish"   

       **more of a lido   

       ***200ft nuclear powered fountain anyone?   

       **** some system for not getting the rope all tangled up in the props will have to be worked out, probably derived from the old towed sonar array.
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       could call it "Anglerfish".
FlyingToaster, Sep 12 2014

       Could cut down some commutes too. The transpolar route has worked for airlines for years, why not use the same one in your yacht?
bs0u0155, Sep 12 2014

       //The transpolar route has worked for air,lines for years, why not use the same one in your yacht?//   

       You could make the commute even faster by loading oneself into a torpedo shell.
RayfordSteele, Sep 16 2014


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