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UniversalGnomes

I feel like someone is watching me…
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Let us populate your yard or garden with our premium gnomes. For a small monthly fee, we will place a garden gnome in your yard, periodically clean and move him/her around the yard, and provide replacement gnomes when either you or your gnome are ready for change.

For extra thrills, choose one of our aniGnomes. Depending on your choice of models, our gnomes will follow you with their eyes, move or pivot in place, and our deluxe retractinGnome will even vanish into our patented gnomeHome.

Imagine the fun of having gnomes appear and disappear without warning, under the rhododendron, next to the steps, out by the kiddies’ swing set. Lurking in the bushes, standing tall to guard your home, malevolent and merry, we’ve got them all!

Don Quixote, Apr 26 2003

Gnome Liberation Party http://www.altnews....eration%20Front.htm
[po, Oct 05 2004]

I do hope you are not invading my territory. http://www.halfbake...dea/garden_20angels
gnome wars may ensue. [po, Oct 05 2004]

Reminds me of a Farmerjohn idea... http://www.halfbake...ng_20Ninja_20Gnomes
A classic [RayfordSteele, Oct 05 2004]

ExecuGnome http://www.homelife...rman.com/jerome.asp
Former mascot gets new gig. [Canuck, Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       Despite being a declared aGnomastic, I'm tickled by your idea... especially the retractinGnomes that seem to vanish and appear.   

       My suburban neighborhood, however, experienced a baby boom of sorts in the birth rate of feral cats last year, yielding altogether too many "aniGnomes". In daylight, they hide in the foliage of agapanthus and kaffir lillies, will follow you with their eyes, pivot in place, and disappear without warning. At night, they bask in the cast light of ground floor windows, pretending to be guardsmen. And aside from the occasional hand-out, the cats work for free.   

       Why should I pay your Gnomes a "small monthly fee"?
jurist, Apr 26 2003
  

       And one to take on travels - my gnome away from home?
FarmerJohn, Apr 26 2003
  

       [jurist] I suppose a one-time fee would take care of a simple gnome installation, but I want a subscription service that keeps gnomeowners on their toes. Probably even more fun to pay UniversalGnomes to gnome-up a gneighbor's yard. "Honey, that gnome is back under the shrubs, and this time he looks bigger and meaner."
Don Quixote, Apr 26 2003
  

       In France, a common practical joke is to steal garden gnomes for a "holiday", and send the owner photos of said gnome in exotic locations. Or maybe they really DO go on holiday...
git, Apr 26 2003
  

       // Imagine the fun of having gnomes appear and disappear without warning //   

       Truly the acme of pleasure as we know it...
waugsqueke, Apr 26 2003
  

       <Mr. Tweety>It's all in me head, it's all in me head...</MT>
RayfordSteele, Apr 26 2003
  

       One of my Scottish friends absolutely hates gnomes. Imagine their surprise when, one sunny morning (OK - bear with me, I know it's Scotland...) he and his wife returned home from holiday and saw their (small) front garden overrun by hundreds of the puny bearded chappies. How they laughed. And this was all done free of charge!
PeterSilly, Apr 27 2003
  

       PeterSilly, free of charge to whom, the perpetrator(s), the victim, or all concerned?   

       Don Q, I'm having a little trouble with the mental image of a guardian gnome "standing tall". I mean, just how tall IS a gnome, fully extended? 3 feet, tops? What's he going to do, bite a burglar on the kneecaps?   

       BTW, many years ago B.C. Place Stadium (which is a domed stadium) in Vancouver briefly had a mascot named Jerome The Gnome Who Lives Under The Dome. His popularity did not blossom, so I assume he went back into his hole, or burrow, or whatever you call it. **News flash! Just did a web search and found a link. Jerome found a job!
Canuck, Apr 27 2003
  

       I live in Mexico. We don't have such things as gnomes in our gardens, so I would really appreciate it if someone who think this is an amusing practice could fill me in nto the tradition. Gracias.
Pericles, Apr 27 2003
  

       [Canuck] - the victim and the others who have laughed at the joke. Presumably the perpertrator had to pay some small amount for the hire of some 300 or so little fishermen and wheelbarrowers.
PeterSilly, Apr 27 2003
  

       why not go a step further ? instead anignome how 'bout bio-Gnome ( not an intended pauly shore refference ) take a rabbit or some such creature and mess with it's genes to make it look like a gnome and release
slapdash loser, Apr 27 2003
  

       A small speaker in the gnome, just loud enough to be heard, but quiet enough that you have to get right up close to hear it calling, "Help me, help me" as the eyes swivel frantically, would enhance any fishergnome or barrowgnome.
friendlyfire, Apr 28 2003
  

       [Canuck] - It's more about projecting a majestic and menacing profile than it is about the actual stature of the statuary.   

       [ff] - You can have any soundtrack you like! I'd prefer dark and unintelligible mutterings from behind the rosebush, or snickers and giggles from over by the daffodils.
Don Quixote, Apr 28 2003
  

       [DQ] hear hear
AJCrowley, Apr 28 2003
  

       [slapdash loser]: Why use rabbits, when you could have "The Human G.Nome Project"?
Guncrazy, Apr 29 2003
  

       Someone was bound to say it.   

       Yeah, I'm thinking: Robo-Gnome. He hides underground and jumps out when you least expect him. His hat acts as a drill. He has malevolently glowing red eyes. He cackles (After he scares the living crap out of you.) You put him in your neighbor's yard while he's away. If your neighbor has one, and you're french, you can try to take the gnome on 'holiday', but good luck getting through airport security with that evil piece of machinery. Oh, and he has a dial on the back, to choose the level of rudeness to display to your beloved neighbor, all the way from 'Courteous' to 'Murderous'. Because if you can't do it yourself, you can hire an Assassi-Gnome. Muhahahahahaha......... Your backyard is safe no more........ [+], I lauged my tall, pointy red hat off.
TahuNuva, Nov 21 2007
  
      
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