Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Universal Refuge

Permanent Care Facility Open to All.
  (+2, -6)
(+2, -6)
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A facility that resembles a standard permanent-care institution (i.e. mental hospital, "vegetable garden", etc.) with several notable differences. It would be open to any person who is tired of life's rigors who can pay the one-time entrance fee ($25,000* sounds reasonable, as the occupants would not be likely to live excessively long.) The clients would be essentially stationary, with an unfailing IV supply of nutritional liquid and mind-numbing/expanding (client's choice) drugs. Clients should be free to sign out (no refunds, of course); however, the personnel would work very hard to ensure that no one ever _wants_ to leave. In essence, the people who enroll would be the same ones who would otherwise commit suicide, so this may be considered a very humane (as well as profitable) idea. Basically, a hospice for people who are not terminally ill. *** Payment should not prove a problem, as the client could liquidate all of his/her assets, and/or sign away life-insurance benefits to Refuge, Inc. before enrolling.
dsm, Dec 21 2000


       When they die, can we make food out of them?
centauri, Dec 21 2000

       I think I'd be a little leery of places offering impossibly cheap hospital care and drugs "for the rest of your life".
Monkfish, Dec 21 2000

       Howzit pay for the job to remind quitters about the no refund policy?
reensure, Dec 22 2000

       Wouldn't it be cheaper to just do some Drano, or such? Sounds like suicide for the terminally meek.
wasraw, Dec 22 2000

       Suicide for those who don't also want pain, wasraw; I'm pretty sure that was the point.   

       I think attention would need to be most critically paid to making sure that people were enrolling voluntarily.
hello_c, Dec 24 2000

       Call it a suicide clinic. You go in, they kill you. Everyone knows that the "patients" are actually killed because no-one ever returns.   

       The big secret is that the patients are not killed. They are sold into slavery. They are forced to work sixteen hour days in slave labor camps until they die. This is how the suicide clinic makes money. The best part is that while slaves have a high up-front cost, in the long run the savings are incredible, because they don't earn salaries.   

       About the patient liquidating all his/her assets before enrolling: Maybe I'm missing something, but aren't most people who are suicidal that way in part because they have no money?
Anne O'Tate, Dec 26 2000

       Anne O'Tate: (Clever name, incidentally) How can you make a blanket statement like "aren't most people who are suicidal that way in part because they have no money?"? Most suicides involve people who feel they are unloved, unneeded, or unwanted. Suicide is not something that specifically affects the poor, the middle class or the rich, neither does it specifically affect the young, the middle-aged, or the elderly. However there are a few more teen suicides than those found in other groups. But my point is that suicide is something that does not target someone simply because they are poor. For instance i once had a suicidal girlfriend who came from one of the wealthiest families in my town, her father was a doctor and her mother was an accountant. Hardly a case of money-induced suicide.
djhotsauce, Dec 27 2000

       I think we notice suicide only among people from whom we don't expect it (for example, our friends and contemporaries, or the young -- compare the media fuss over teen suicide in the 1980s -- at very worst, a kind of ghoulish trendiness -- to the "normal" frequent ruminations about death that you hear when you talk to some of the old, abandoned people in institutions). I suspect that many folks who attempt suicide are trying to transform into something they can stand to be, and don't know how else to do it.
whatsbruin, Sep 04 2001

       Upon reading this idea I cannot stop the sound of a pair of guitars from entering my mind. They're playing the intro to a *very* familiar song...
...and what is that in the distance? Could it be a 'shimmering light'?
st3f, Jan 15 2003


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