Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Uprising Automat

  [vote for,

This is a Medieval Weapons Vending Machine
vfrackis, Jan 23 2018


       no Culture : Club
vfrackis, Jan 23 2018

8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       [Medieval] Weapons Vending Machine or [Medieval Weapons] Vending Machine?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       The distinction is unimportant.
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       I beg to differ.   

       A medieval vending machine dispensing modern weapons would be unreliable, and would probably only accept medieval coinage. Conversely, a modern vending machine that accepted card payment and dispensed maces, halberds, folges and caltrops might be more satisfactory.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       // would be unreliable //   

       Not necessarily. It might just be a maintenance issue; it might be user error, much more common than you might think.   

       // probably only accept medieval coinage //   

       Inflation adjusted ?
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       [+] because I've often found a trebuchet to be highly desirable while waiting for the train.
Wrongfellow, Jan 23 2018

       Waiting for a train can be oppressively miserable in the absence of a functional trebuchet.
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       //Not necessarily. // I beg, yet again, to differ. One of the most pervasive features of the medieval period was its intense level of unreliability. They could just about get seige engines to work, but attempts to build a viable search engine were foiled by a combination of poor workmanship, supremely inept engineering, and mud, mud, mud. In fact, mud was the only thing that worked reliably in medieval times - so much so that it is often called "the mud age".
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       // intense level of unreliability. //   

       Infectious disease worked pretty consistently ...   

       ... and rats. You could rely on verminous rodents.   

       Then again, contemporary tabloid journalists fill pretty much the same ecological niche, except in a less pleasant and socially acceptable way.
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       I beg to differ. You could apply for smallpox, and end up with syphilis; you might specifically request - and be assured you would get - typhoid, only to come down with tuberculosis. The entire ending up and coming down process was a complete shambles.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       Yeah, like the modern NHS is any better ?   

       At least in Ye Goode Olde Daiys you didn't have to wait for weeks to get an appointment with a doctor to be told you're ill. It was much more private enterprise; you could get sick, die, and be thrown into a plague pit without having to get a diagnosis from a highly-paid professional.   

       Today, the special interest groups have got the getting-sick-and-dying thing all stitched up for their own benefit. Bastards.
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       Research indicates that the mud per capita was huge.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       There were a great many domestic and domesticated animals living in close conjunction with the majority of humans, used both as food source and for transportation.   

       If that brown stuff plastered all over everything (including you) was only mud, you'd probably be quite pleased.
8th of 7, Jan 23 2018

       //What research would that be?// Research that indicates that the mud per capita was huge.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 23 2018

       // Waiting for a train can be oppressively miserable in the absence of a functional trebuchet. — 8th of 7, Jan 23 2018 //   

vfrackis, Jan 24 2018

       //maces, halberds, folges and caltrops//   

       The internet tells me that "folge" is a German word for a consequence. Dare I ask what they are doing between the halberds and the caltrops?
pertinax, Jan 29 2018

       The folge is an ancient weapon from Norfolk, consisting of a nine-foot pole ending in a cluster of broad metal hooks, rather like the business end of a grappling hook. It was used mainly for unseating horsemen. Sometimes there was a long spike emerging from the centre of the cluster of hooks, for use as a stabbing weapon, though it was a bit unwieldy for such a use.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 29 2018

       sounds like a hatstand.
FlyingToaster, Jan 29 2018

       //European mudfinch// You may be thinking of the "mudfletch", which I think is of Germanic origin and started out as the "muttfleish".
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 29 2018

       Is this the time for a Monty Pyrhon Holy Grail 'he hasn't got shit all over him' reference?   

       And come on, what do you have against the Culture Club? Do you really want to hurt me?
RayfordSteele, Jan 29 2018

       // Pyrhon //   

       "Pyrhon" ? For that, you deserve no mercy. So, yes, we do. Very much, and not in a good way - something multiple, involving baseball bats and lead piping.   

       We want to make you cry as well - you, and your ugly weird-eyed reincarnated lizard.   

       And the horse you rode in on, too.
8th of 7, Jan 29 2018

       Er... Python. Blame the phone for that one. Pyrrhic victory? I find that the spelling accuracy comes and goes.
RayfordSteele, Jan 29 2018


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