Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Upward-Facing Toilet Paper Dispenser

because life should be easier...
  [vote for,

So, we've all enjoyed our times in public toilets, the highlight is perhaps the inevitable frustrating struggle for the elusive paper. Now, for our convenience, these have been mounted at 2'6" high. Facing down. Now, this must be a boon to those among us between 1' and 3' tall. But for the rest of us, we can only assume that this was designed to be accessed while sitting down. Now, I can't gain access to my arse when my physical self is folded into the conformation known as 'sitting'. So we adopt the kind-of- crouching but fundamentally folded-double so we can get to the paper conformation. Now, consider a perfect world. One where you can simply stand up. The dispenser is still mounted at roughly the same height (easy to implement, no screw holes to cover up see?) but it's facing up. Now you may simply reel off as much as you need and attend to the matter at hand. Before anyone chimes in with a comment about how in this conformation, the convenient dangly-end won't dangle, may I remind you all that this is fiction anyway.... we have to go chasing around the roll at the best of times, at least no we can look down at it, and not break a wrist trying to access the paper from a downward facing hole out of visual range....
bs0u0155, Jun 27 2012


       Now, I can't imagine why nobody's thought of this before. Now, here's an idea that really merits implementation. Now, here's a bun for your trouble!
Alterother, Jun 27 2012

       I may be radically misunderstanding here, or perhaps [bs0u0155] has a variant anatomy with which I'm not familiar.   

       But, without wishing to put too fine a point on it, it is surely customary and hygenic to wipe one's arse _before_ standing up?   

       I admit, I cannot recall ever being instructed in the sequence of events when taking a dump, but sit/dump/wipe/stand would seem the only logical order in which to perform this act, no?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2012

       I used "conformation" a lot in this idea.... I've been doing a lot of structural protein work, it infests the mind...
bs0u0155, Jun 27 2012

       You could have an upside-down J-shape path for the TP to follow. Then there would indeed be a dangly bit, that was above the main roll.
Vernon, Jun 27 2012


       not personally, you have to move a little bit, or you're in the strange scenario of squeezing your hand past yourself INTO the toilet bowl region, so then you're kind of hovering a few inches. And the only real difference between that and a much more comfortable standing position is knee angle. In any case, it'd still be easier to get the paper out of the top.
bs0u0155, Jun 27 2012

       I like the idea simply because the paper in the 'anti-theft' dispensers is so frequently torn off above the level of the outlet, and it's very awkward trying to lean over--whilst sitting down, no less--and snake one's arm up through the bottom of the dispenser to grope around for the loose end of the roll.
Alterother, Jun 27 2012

       //sit/dump/wipe/stand would seem the only logical order in which to perform this act, no?// Is that the way you do it? I tried it once and things didn't work out the way I planned.
DIYMatt, Jun 27 2012

       Presumably, unless in a state of dire intoxication, chronic stupidity, or frenchness (i.e. both of the aforesaid) then the normal procedure is to check the dispenser for adequate supplies before initiating the solid waste disposal protocol, shirley ?   

       This being the case, why not use that opportunity to acquire a suitable quantity of the necessary cellulose-based sheet before assuming the position ?   

       This is what is done in all other bogroll-using civilisations throughout the Galaxy (Except for those who use the Thee Seashells). No other species could actually make it to their planet's major natural satellite using Newtonian reaction-drive chemical rockets, and yet still not have the foresight to tear a few sheets off a roll in advance ....
8th of 7, Jun 27 2012

       Not all of us are engineers. We don't all plan everything out beforehand.
Alterother, Jun 27 2012

       If we were capable of pity, that admission would elicit it.
8th of 7, Jun 27 2012

       //not break a wrist trying to access the paper from a downward facing hole out of visual range....// the solution is not to get paper stuck there in the first place.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2012

       But if you do, there are ointments which you can apply to ease the discomfort.
8th of 7, Jun 27 2012

       One ploblem with that statement [21 Quest] Borg don't shit. No food intake, no output aka not shit.
dev45, Jun 27 2012

       Oddly enough, the HB cell of the Collective produces quite a lot of shit, mostly of the bull variety, but I believe it is expelled via keyboard as digital text rather than in the more traditional organic format.
Alterother, Jun 27 2012

       ok, so the TP holders need to have some holes in the bottom, at various angles so that any 'liquid' poured into the top invariably goes all over the shoes/trousers of the offender.
bs0u0155, Jun 28 2012

       Or they just shoot out a few pellets of burning magnesium.
Alterother, Jun 28 2012

       //Or they just shoot out a few pellets of burning magnesium.   

       That's onto the vandaliser, not as a substitute for toilet paper? Always best to check these things...
not_morrison_rm, Jun 28 2012

       Onto the vandal, of course. It's the humane thing to do.
Alterother, Jun 28 2012

       // I believe it is expelled via keyboard as digital text rather than in the more traditional organic format. //   

       Sort of. Almost all our waste products are indeed converted to digital format, but we get rid of them by piggybacking them onto satellite TV channels, particularly Home Shopping, Tele-Evangelists, and anything from News International.   

       So far, it's worked great.
8th of 7, Jun 28 2012

       Let me get this straight, [bs0u0155]... you have never managed to wipe your own arse, presumably because toilet paper dispensers are always placed too far away from where you sit to shit?   

       Are you serious?
UnaBubba, Jun 28 2012

       Well, I'm lucky. I have a bathroom at home, with toilet paper placed every 6 inches so that people of every physical conformation may find paper to their convenience. It's like a huge toilet paper matrix. If I can repeat this in a public setting, where my own personal preference will not skew the results so, I plan to correlate the inverse of the remaining toilet paper radius with the location. Then I could build up a map of ideal locations, perhaps customized for height/sex etc.
bs0u0155, Jun 28 2012

       I don't think you really need to wipe. All of the shit is apparently still inside you.
UnaBubba, Jun 28 2012

       Is it any wonder Cobain offed himself?
UnaBubba, Jun 29 2012

       well, he clearly had a premonition that Dave Grohl was, at some point in the future, going to describe Taylor Hawkins as the best drummer in the world.... a world containing Thomas Haake.
bs0u0155, Jun 29 2012

       Really? I thought it was just do do with the constant rain in Seattle.
UnaBubba, Jun 29 2012


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