Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Wandering Bovine Traffic Flashers

Warning lights for meandering cows
  (+9, -3)
(+9, -3)
  [vote for,

Where I live, cows are sometimes moved about by being hearded down the local lanes and roadways. This creates an obvious traffic hazard, especially in the poor light of early winter mornings. What they obviously need is some sort of clearly visible warning system.

This problem is solved by equipping them with Wandering Bovine Traffic Flashers. These are simple, flashing lights which behave like a set of indicators, fitted to the tips of the cow's horns. They have long life batteries and movement sensors that respond to the general orientation of the cows' heads.

When they move in a straight line both lights flash together. When they veer to the right or left, the corresponding lights start blinking.

xenzag, Jan 02 2008

Road Cows http://www.intangib...9/Day5/251_cows.jpg
these ones obviously need to be wearing the viking helmets, described by UB in his annotation [xenzag, Jan 04 2008]

Traffic Flashers are dangerous! http://www.youtube....watch?v=JxmxzmoZWCE
[jaksplat, Jan 05 2008]


       Whne travelling at excessive speed in a souped-up Land Rover with inadequate brakes, coming round a corner to encounter an cow parked without lights in the centre of a country lane is guaranteed to cause major sphincter relaxation.   

       Have an entire tray of heat-treated dough ...... [++++++++++]
8th of 7, Jan 02 2008

       ... solar powererd, rechargeable ....
8th of 7, Jan 02 2008

       So these _aren't_ cows standing on their hind legs by the side of the road, waiting for unsuspecting motorists, then opening their cloaks and waggling their udders shamelessly? Dang.
globaltourniquet, Jan 02 2008

       Ah, I got here just an anno too late.
normzone, Jan 02 2008

       // by the side of the road //   

       A much safer place (for both cow and motorist).
8th of 7, Jan 02 2008

       "Hang on, there's a blinking light up ahead, I wonder what that could be, I'd better slow down. Hmm strange, I can't see what it's attached to, it seems like it's just floating in the middle of the road. Aargh! a cow! Thank goodness it had a light on or I'd never have noticed it."
marklar, Jan 03 2008

       I presume you only need these on the first and last few of the herd?
vincevincevince, Jan 04 2008

       They all need them, so that they can flock like birds.
xenzag, Jan 04 2008

       I like it. Cattle should be seen, not herd.
4whom, Jan 04 2008

       //not herd//   

       But what about the flocking road cows?
Jinbish, Jan 04 2008

       The flock of Daleks will get them ?
8th of 7, Jan 04 2008

       Yet another application for Flocking Road Cones! Although these would require off-road all-terrain capabilities, at least to a certain degree.   

       Each cow would have to wear a sensor, like a pendant, maybe attached to their cowbell, if they play. Once a cow hits the road, the nearest Flocking Road Cone rushes to its side, senses which traffic lane is being used and deploys itself so as to provide maximum warning space. As more Cones arrive, the scene takes on a festive aura, sort of like a small parade, particularly when the Flocking Road Cone Band arrives to play a stirring rendition of "Don't Fear The Reaper" with multiple bovine accompaniment on cowbell.
Canuck, Jan 04 2008

       "Road Cows" link not working.
37PiecesOf Flair, Jan 04 2008

       Works for me! Shows a lovely photo of a bovine convoy on an English country road.
Canuck, Jan 04 2008

       + I like it, but do the cows really go out at night? Oh yeah, *when the cows come home* must mean that they stay out all night, huh?
xandram, Jan 04 2008

       // do the cows really go out at night //   

       Cows are very stupid creatures; not as bad as sheep or chickens, and brighter than Trolls, but still remarkably dull-witted and dense. It's the generations of selective inbreeding, like you get in Alabama and Georgia .... anyway, cows can move quite quickly when they want to, and are remarkably strong, but this is of little or no value to them as they are quite happy to wander round aimlessly for a couple of years and then be eaten.   

       A cow, offered any sort of gap in a hedge, fence or gate, will wander through to see what's "on the other side". It will then most ikely be unable to find its way back, although this is of little concern to the beast as they have the attention span of a stunned goldfish and will simply wander on and on in search of something to eat (grass, shrubs, washing on a line, plastic bags, axle grease). Dark and rain inhibiteth them not from their wanderings. So they stroll onward until someone spots them and orgainses them to be returned to their home field, or they come into sudden, savage contact with a mechanically-propelled vehicle, which is frequently disastrous for both parties.   

       You haven't had much contact with cows, have you, [xandram] ?
8th of 7, Jan 05 2008

       // Cows are very stupid creatures; not as bad as sheep // Based on experience as a herder of both, I could give you incontrovertible proof that each is far stupider than the other.   

       // do the cows really go out at night // Cows don't know what time it is. Except dairy cows, who know *precisely* what time it is.
lurch, Jan 05 2008

       Was... was... was the Land Rover all right ? <sob, snivel>
8th of 7, Jan 05 2008

       // therefore had both feeble headlights still working //   

       Wow, you bought the full upgrade to two feeble headlights ? Traditionally, only ine was installed, which only worked about half the time (in the dry; in rain, it was less reliable, and tuning on the windsreen wiper increased the electrical load to the point where the ligting went out altogether......)
8th of 7, Jan 05 2008

       I think jaksplat's link capably demonstrates the appeal of the twin-headlight system.
Canuck, Jan 05 2008

       + This is very sensible!
xandram, Oct 25 2012

       not sure if that's a compliment or not :-)
xenzag, Oct 25 2012

       These should be fitted to every large animal in or out of zoos, ranches, and preserves. Also to obese people.
Voice, Oct 25 2012


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