Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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½B House Band

Damn there are a lot of musicians here.
  (+5, -1)
(+5, -1)
  [vote for,

We'll only play UnaBubba versions of songs. And occasionally, some third person plural conditional past perfect continuous tunes.

Y'all jump in.

waugsqueke, Mar 10 2003

The Nova Scotia Tattoo http://www.nstattoo.ca/
A sight to behold. A sound, too. [waugsqueke, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Man Jailed For Goat Sex Attack http://www.ananova....ews.latestheadlines
Englishman jailed for goat sex attack. [my face your]

Tangents http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Tangents
by benfrost. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Tangents http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Tangents
by benfrost. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

(?) Earliest version of bagpipes http://www.gocollec...ri/300/55700-13.jpg
In convenient learner size [thumbwax, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

BONZO DOG (DOO-DAH) BAND - 'The Intro And The Outro' - 45rpm 1967 http://www.youtube....watch?v=8DUEAG5eO6c
First thing I thought of [Dub, Mar 06 2011]


       Okay, you play the keys, I'll tickle the ivories.
beauxeault, Mar 10 2003

       My humazoo is at your disposal.   

       If y'all get drunk enough, I can sing.
lurch, Mar 10 2003

       I'm in, [waugs]; I'll follow you.
angel, Mar 10 2003

       For a minute, I thought it said 'House brand.' Didn't think that salad dressing came in fish flavor...   

       At IBD I think I posted my MIDI-knockoff of 'ER,' although I can't quite remember the lyrics...
RayfordSteele, Mar 10 2003

       Tchaikovsky then?
RayfordSteele, Mar 10 2003

       *sigh* are there any real musicians around here?
LoneRifle, Mar 11 2003

       Shz plays Shz’s’ guitars through a Synclavier.   

       Yes [Lone], there are real musicians here.
Shz, Mar 11 2003

       I may have actually achieved fourth-person possessive on that last anno –have to look it up.
Shz, Mar 11 2003

       If it helps, when I was small, I used to play on the Linoleum ....
8th of 7, Mar 11 2003

       Hehehe. I think you like explosives even more than I do [8th}.
Shz, Mar 11 2003

       What would Tom Scholz do in a situation like this?
Shz, Mar 11 2003

       What would the Lone Ranger do in a situation like this?
8th of 7, Mar 11 2003

       On a resonator guitar, I can play many compositions simultaneously, as long as they're my own. Some might say "I've never heard anything quite like it."
thumbwax, Mar 11 2003

       My playing has been compared to Brian May's. Only last week, my wife said, "You'll never be anywhere near as good as Brian May."
angel, Mar 11 2003

       On an off-night, my voice has been compared to Lou Reed 's - not an off-night for my elf - for Lou.
thumbwax, Mar 11 2003

       I have no aptitude for musical instruments whatever but I am extremely good at clicking my fingers and can click with either hand and multiple fingers. And I whistle in an annoying manner. And I can sing the Monty Python 'Traffic Lights' song. Any use?
DrBob, Mar 11 2003

       I can sing pretty well in the 'club' style (for those of you familiar with Vic Reeves).   

       Or I could fill the 'Bez' dancing role (for those of you familiar with the 'Happy Mondays').   

       So to recap - I can't sing, but I might manage to shake a tambourine, dance around like an idiot and be the talismanic band mascot.
Jinbish, Mar 11 2003

       Good doctor, you can do the lead-in to "(They Would Have Been Being) Killer Queen (s)". Take it as a solo and just nod us in.
waugsqueke, Mar 11 2003

       Ever noticed you don't get many jazz recorder players?   

       Dance Of The Giant Hogweed, anyone? Anyone?
egbert, Mar 11 2003

       y'all should do 'i'
roby, Mar 11 2003

       <'i' denotes 'imaginary number'>
roby stole joke from 'proof'
roby, Mar 11 2003

       [agbert]: I played "Watcher of the Skies" and "The Knife" with my old band, so why not?
angel, Mar 11 2003

       On the recorder??!?
egbert, Mar 11 2003

       <on recorder>Three blind mice...</recorder>
Jinbish, Mar 11 2003

       I play the piano.... too bad i'm no good at it other than for classical...
LoneRifle, Mar 11 2003

       // jazz bagpiper //   

       <shocked disbelief>   

       I think we ought to get a posse of music lovers together, hunt him down, and kill him in some sort of ludicrously painful and violent way. Bagpipes are bad enough played normally.......
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       You should hear "Le Grand Encrier" by Alain Genty (he's not French, he's Breton!). He's an astonishing bass-player in the jazz-rock vein, and Alan Stivell plays his usual brilliant pipes (though again, Breton not the Scottish pipes).
angel, Mar 12 2003

       Oh no! – I’m going to have to join in on an [8th] rant here. – I’ll fry anyone making a sound as hideously obnoxious as that of which bagpipes produce. I’m with ya on that one [8th].
Shz, Mar 12 2003

       Just a doggone minute thar ..... I don't mind Breton or Northumbrian pipes, if fact I quite enjoy them (and own some Kathryn Tickell recordings) - it's the full-blown (pun intended) Scots variety that I find a bit ..... overpowering. This is particularly relevant when said bagpipes are played indoors.
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       A shower of lily-livered English pansies.
[If that's not a floral metaphor too far]
my face your, Mar 12 2003

       If your idea of "Musical Appreciation" involves having your cochleae reduced to a smooth paste despite the earplugs, the ear defenders and the bobble hat pulled well down, then you are welcome to it. My view is that a Pratt and Whitney JT 8- D at full throttle is considerably more musical than Scots Bagpipes, and I am sure there are many here who will concur.   

       Besides, I know where this is coming from - you're still bitter about Culloden, aren't you ?
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       Culloden? That fine episode in England's military history, when the commanding officer, the Duke of Cumberland, gave the order that no Highlander, man woman or child, should be left alive. He was rewarded for his battle prowess by having "Hail, the conquering hero" written for him by G F Handel, that well-known German expatriate and Royal suck-up.
angel, Mar 12 2003

       // fine episode in England's military history //   

       Only outdone by their spectacular mistreatment of Boer civilians (Concentration camps are in fact and English invention), the systematic destruction of huge swaths of Asian civilisation in both India and China, and of course the Crusades. All of them shining examples to future military dictators. As then we wonder why Hitler claimed to admire the English. Well, he was a German - maybe he thought that entitled him to a free go as King.   

       Georg Fredrich did knock out a few good tunes though. I am particularly fond of his Music for the Royal Fireworks. Try playing THAT on bagpipes, laddie ......
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

DrBob, Mar 12 2003

       "... they would have been keeping Moët & Chandon in their pretty cabinets..."
waugsqueke, Mar 12 2003

       Wasn't Hitler Austrian? You're right about GFH; no-one could write arpeggios like him. I have a CD with some guy playing "The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba" on an unaccompanied acoustic guitar. Amazing.
angel, Mar 12 2003

       // Wasn't Hitler Austrian ? //   

       Of course, that explains it. After all the English have borrowed royalty from every other European country - he just thought it was Austria's turn.   

       // The French and Belgians have a lot to answer for //   

       The French certainly do. As to Belgium, it was only invented as a place for other Great Powers to have wars in without damaging their own territory too much. A mixture of peer pressure and delinquent parents ....
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       And Stalin a Georgian, which suggests that the leader of any future English nationalist movement will most likely be a Celt.
my face your, Mar 12 2003

       Wow. How the heck did we get talking about this?
waugsqueke, Mar 12 2003

       You see ? I told you they were dangerous, but nobody listened ......
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       Ah, the pipes, the pipes. Being an expatriate New Scot, I'm a fan of the things. Ever get drunk and go to a Tattoo?   

       (Correction made: As I understand it, people are Scots, things are Scottish, except the drink, which is Scotch. Is that right?)
waugsqueke, Mar 12 2003

       Ever get drunk and end up with a tattoo?
DrBob, Mar 12 2003

       waugs, you're right. The only Scotch things are
1. Whisky (though no-one in Scotland calls it scotch, we call it whisky)
2. Scotch Tape.
3. Scotch Eggs, a vile snack food.
my face your, Mar 12 2003

       // people are Scots, things are Scottish //   

       Human Beans originating from the wrong side of Hadrian's Lovely Wall are Scots or Scottish. Everything slse is either Scottish or Scotch. Hence Scotch Whisky, and Scottish Beef.   

       One should not refer to a Scotsman as "Scotch" unless one is either an accomplished sprinter, or has a fervent desire to take one's teeth home in one's hat.   

       // I quite like bagpipes. //   

       You're sick. Seek professional help.
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       I once played the bagpipes in a 12' x 12' room with the door closed. Now that is a noise, gentlemen.   

       calum, in Canada they make the distinction between whisky and scotch (and rye as well, is often separated out) probably because Canada makes its own whisky. What do you call whisky made imported from other countries?
waugsqueke, Mar 12 2003

8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       //What do you call whisky made imported from other countries?//
I haven't a clue. I've don't think I've ever seen whisky from any country other than Scotland. Whiskey, yes. Whisky, no. There isn't much demand for imports. We'd probably call it "Canadian Whisky" or something but that's pure supposition.

       //I once played the bagpipes in a 12' x 12' room with the door closed. Now that is a noise, gentlemen.//
Bagpipes are instruments of mass destruction and should not be fired in enclosed spaces. They are also quite, quite ace.
my face your, Mar 12 2003

       //What do you call whisky ...from other countries?//
Personally, I divide whisky (or 'whiskey', to the Irish) into Scotch, Irish, Canadian and Bourbon. Suntory and its chemical colleagues are never mentioned. Incidentally, is Bourbon the correct generic term for Jack D, Four Roses, and such?
angel, Mar 12 2003

       The Irish tend to refer to their product as "Whiskey"; the Scots use "Whisky".   

       The rest of the world merely produces indeterminate pale brown fluids whos major merit lies in their unparalled ability to clean spoons, and get stubborn tar spots of car paintwork. Single Malt Scotch Whisky, in its myriad incarnations, is a spirituous beverage without equal.
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003

       I think there's a lot of simultaneous annotation going on at the moment.   

       <aside> I will pay top dollar for the tiger .... </aside>
8th of 7, Mar 12 2003


       *creates timeline on large chart. on the left end, marks "Band". progressing to the right, marks at irregular intervals "Sign-ups", "Bagpipes", "War", "Whiskey".*   

       *Leaves chart and marker pen to one side of room, smiling to self about the Japanese Whisky joke as he leaves*
LoneRifle, Mar 13 2003

       band...signups... bagpipes...war...whiskey... Pretty much sums up life in Scotland, doesn't it?
RayfordSteele, Mar 13 2003

       You forgot the sheep ...   

       Q: What do the Scots call a sheep-shearing shed ?
A: A strip club ......
8th of 7, Mar 13 2003

       [8th] - I think you'll find that's "Welsh" not "Scots".
PeterSilly, Mar 14 2003

       Oh yes ? So why does this one exist ?   

       Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts ?   

       A: Because the sound of a zipper frightens sheep.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003

       Propaganda by the Welsh. And you fell for it.
Jinbish, Mar 14 2003

       I don't know.... the last time i heard anything about Scots, i heard sheep bleating in the background...
LoneRifle, Mar 14 2003

       That was probably a Welshman in sheeps clothing, trying to frame the Scotsman.
Jinbish, Mar 14 2003

       Ahh! I love the smell of flames in the morning!
DrBob, Mar 14 2003

       Scotland: Where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous.
Shz, Mar 14 2003

       // Propaganda by the Welsh //   

       Quite probably. I wouldn't put anything past them .....
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003

       The hills are alive with the sound of zippers
thumbwax, Mar 14 2003

       //That was probably a Welshman in sheeps clothing, trying to frame the Scotsman.//   

       *innocent* it was on the radio
LoneRifle, Mar 14 2003

       Fair dos, 8th. The Celts shag sheep and the English interfere with goats, in full view of commuter trains. Link. We are all as bad as each other.
my face your, Mar 14 2003

       What you mean "we", white buggering man?
thumbwax, Mar 14 2003

       For "we" read "Brits." It's pigs the Americans prefer isn't it? I've seen Deliverance (it's a documentary, right?).   

       Just a thought, but this thread would make for an excellent series of "Tangents". Link, again.
my face your, Mar 14 2003

thumbwax, Mar 14 2003

       So you’re going to play the banjo [mfy]?
Shz, Mar 14 2003

       //Because the sound of a zipper frightens sheep.//   

       //The hills are alive......... with the sound of zi.........ppers..........//   

       *hears rumbling sound, turns to see.....*   

       Sheep Stampede! everybody take cover!
LoneRifle, Mar 14 2003

       Well, I've lived in both England and Scotland and the common joke was with Welshmen and sheep - Scotsmen and haggis, but Welshmen and sheep. But don't get me started with those from New Zealand...
PeterSilly, Mar 14 2003

       Look at my poor idea. Hitler, sheep sex...
waugsqueke, Mar 14 2003

       That was bad enough, but then [thumb] just had to drag banjos into it ..... that's sheer perversion.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003

       Why you complain? we got back round to an instrument! Recorder...
jazz recorder...
jazz bagpipes...
boer war...
concentration camps...
Stalin - a Georgian, next despot leader of England - a Celt
life in scotland...
sheep shagging...
americans prefer pigs...
Jinbish, Mar 14 2003

       Yes, I was going to point out that it least it's back on topic. The banjo is a wondrous instrument, btw. Incredibly fun to play, especially if you're any good. Invented by committee, obviously.
waugsqueke, Mar 14 2003

       Invented by a deaf sadist.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2003

       I've got a friend that plays the guitar - he has foresaken it to take up mandolin lessons.   

       Its just occurred to me that 'Duelling Banjoes' could be performed with a banjo and a mandolin to weird effect. Very, very 'rinky dink'.
Jinbish, Mar 14 2003

       One would lead to a crescendo, the other a climax?
Jinbish, Mar 14 2003

       Def Leppard.
egbert, Mar 14 2003

       //Its just occurred to me that 'Duelling Banjoes' could be performed with a banjo and a mandolin//
My brother and I used to perform it on dulcimer and mandolin.
angel, Mar 14 2003

       // Recorder...................................banjo! //   

       Sortof Escheresque, isn't it?
RayfordSteele, Mar 14 2003

       I believe the original recording of "Duelling Banjoes" was with a banjo and a mandolin (though it makes you wonder about the song's title, doesn't it?).   

       And I suppose I have to stand up to be counted, as unpopular as it may be, among those who love bluegrass music and especially bluegrass banjo. And also to confess to the alleged crime of possessing an example of said device and knowing a thing or two about how to operate it.
beauxeault, Mar 14 2003

       The proper banjo (5-string) is a fine instrument; I take issue with the George Formby type though.
Friend of mine sold two of his banjoes and a Land Rover to buy a Gibson banjo which had featured in an exhibition. Sold it later to buy and furnish a house (no extra cash needed).
angel, Mar 14 2003

       speaking of which, are there any banjo concertos out there? I've heard of concertos for every single instrument you can shake a stick at, but not the banjo... yet...
LoneRifle, Mar 14 2003

       008 - pluck a few notes on a proper banjo - incredible sound.

After some extensive research, I've found out a few things about the origin of bagpipes.
Originally, they were white and woolen.
The "pipes" were then called "legs"
They sometimes weighed @ 50 kg - though there were miniature versions

See link
thumbwax, Mar 14 2003

       [LoneRifle]: Several (linky).
angel, Mar 14 2003

       Once upon a time there was a tavern,

       where we used to raise a glass or two.

       Remember how we laughed away the hours,

       and dreamed of all the great things we would do.

       Those were the days, my friend,

       we thought they'd never end,

       we'd sing and dance for ever and a day;

       We'd live the life we choose,

       we,d fight and never loose,

       For we were young, and sure to have our way.

       La la la la la la la la la la la la

       Those were the days, oh yes those were the days.

       Then the busy years went rushing by us.
We lost our starty notions on the way.
If by chance I'd see you in the tavern,
we'd smiled at one another, and we'd say:

       Just tonight I stood before the tavern.
Nothing seemed the way it used to be.
In the glass I saw a strange reflection,
was that lonley woman really me?

       Through the door there came familiar laughter.
I saw your face and heard you call my name.
Oh, my friend, we're older, but no wiser.
For in our hearts the dream are still the same.
sufc, Jul 22 2003

       //some third person plural conditional past perfect continuous tunes//   

       They would have had been making love   

       upon the shores of Crete,   

       while the gentle summer surf washed o'er   

       their intertwining feet.   

       But a tidal wave washed both away   

       as they were reaching ejaculation.   

       Cause of death was said to be:   

       co-erotic asphyxiation.
MikeD, Feb 09 2010

       Well, if it were London Ontario and any of my keyboards either worked or were reasonably portable...
FlyingToaster, Mar 05 2011

       and I can sing flat
po, Mar 05 2011

       I play havoc
Dub, Mar 06 2011


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